Friday 31 August 2012

Please pray for my friend's son

My friend's son is currently in the hospital due to Dengue anak. His Dad said his platelet went down to 18, but it is now slowly going up. The last time I heard it's 20 something. He's apparently eating better now and has more energy, so I hope he'll be better soon.

Mama and I kind of worry about kids or anyone who is suffering from dengue. When I told Mama about my friend's son, she was very worried and told me that for some reason she wants to visit him. She's not sure why but she feels like someone or something is pushing he. Perhaps Mama is just worried about him because of what happened to you. We both kind of worry whenever we hear anyone suffering from the disease because we don't want them to become really ill just like you.

Please anak pray for Kuya to get better soon. I know you will. Thank you baby.


Mommy Tintin

Thursday 30 August 2012

I didn't know you wanted to be an Astronaut!

Yesterday Daddy and I went to a museum in Washington DC- the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum. At first I didn't want to go in, although it was free because I am not really a fan of museums. But Daddy showed me a space craft from a window and I suddenly thought about you. I know you were interested in those things so I went with Daddy anyway.

I was right, when I was inside the museum I knew you would have loved to be there. I remember when you were very young, you mentioned about wanting to be a scientist or something like that. But you were very young then so I really didn't take notice of it. Until you grew up a bit older and you got hooked to the discovery channel and all that kind of stuff. You loved to do a research on animals, fish, diseases and other things.

So going back to the museum, they had the first airplane that was invented by the Wright Brothers. And then there were the spacecrafts, aircrafts, missiles, rockets etc that you would have thoroughly enjoyed. There was also videos of the astronauts. How I wish I can describe these things better. It's just that Mommy is not very good at writing. But I know you know what I mean.

I texted Mama to say that I was at the museum yesterday and asked her if you would have loved to go there. And that's when she said that you actually wanted to be a pilot and wanted to work for NASA. So I was right, you would have loved that place.

I know I don't really know you that very well. But through the places that I have visited and through other things that I see, somehow I am getting to know you better because it seems like there are messages associated with them.

How I wish I could have taken you to that museum. But you were constantly in my thoughts.

I am missing you so much anak especially because I am talking about you more again. I love you so very much.


Mommy Tintin


Wednesday 29 August 2012

Your legally lives on...

I just found out that Ading Linus has won second place in a poster making contest. It really never occurred to me that he'll ever be interested in things like this. If it was Ading Cxyrelle I wouldn't be surprised because she loves drawing. So anyway, I am very happy to know that Ading Linus is actually starting to get into art. I am not sure what he drew yet because Mama said she still hasn't got the photos. I am so excited to see it.
 
Then apparently he has also joined or joining journalism and cartooning. These extra curricular activites were the exact ones that you got yourself into when you were still here. It is very clear to me that Ading Linus is following your footsteps. He even asked Mama if you would be glad if he won. Part of me believes that Ading is doing all this for you. I kind of know because he didn't seem to be interested in any of this the last time I spoke to him. You know how much I wanted your legacy to live on and I must admit that at one point, I felt like I was pushing your Adings to be like you. But I don't think I have to now because seems like they are taking the initiative to do these things. I can't be any happier for all of this because this is what I wanted.
 
I bet you are very happy and proud of your Ading for achieving something. And you probably know that you are their inspiration. I am so proud of you anak for your good influence on them. Even now you're gone, you continue to do things for them.
 
I love you so much ans please continue to watch over your Adings and all of us. I miss you loads and how I wish you were here.
 
 
Mommy Tintin
 
 

Tuesday 28 August 2012

Science School

Your bestfriend Aga left me a message this morning saying that he will be taking the entrance exam at the Science school on August 29. I am happy for him, but at the same time I feel sad because I know that you both wanted to go there for high school. Now it's just gonna be Aga. But I know that Aga will also make your dream come true.
It's not going to be long before you would have finished grade school. Ha, I could imagine how excited you would have been to take the entrance exams with Aga. This is one of your dreams and I am sure you would have passed the exams just like the MTG. You never failed to surprise us.
Well, I kow you will be there with Aga when he takes the exam anak. please guide him. I know Tito JL didn't quite make it this time, but I know it's partly because he hasn't got over you yet. But with Aga, please help him and pray for him.
I love you anak ko. Missing you loads.
Mommy Tintin

Monday 27 August 2012

Mama is still not that okay

I mean, I speak to Mama very often and most of the time she sounds okay. Little did I know that she's been crying every night and has not had a good night sleep in a while because she has been thinking about you. This is probably why she's started posting photos of you again on fcebook. At this point I really don't know what to say to her. I just wish I could be there to hug her and reassure her. It's really hard for me to be miles away from her and Inang. I feel so helpless.
 
I know now that she's definitely just pretending to be okay. I completely understand as I feel the same way too. It helps that I keep myself busy and I am doing a lot of things to keep me away from thinking about what happened to you. But really, these things don't keep me away from thinking about you. You're constantly in my thoughts. Sometimes at random times, I ask why you left us. I kind of like to go back to those days where things just happened and I had so many questions. It never ends you know.
 
I must say some days are definitely better than others. There is really no right words to say. The pain is always there. Just like today, someone just aske why God always takes the good ones first. I don't know. God only knows. And hopefully He will soon let us know too.
 
I just hope that Mama will be okay soon. She thinks that she's going crazy as she's been having dreams wherein she has been crying all the time. She told me about her dream last night. Apparently, Papa was sending a box for you and your Adings and while talking about it, she started crying even Auntie Vicky. She woke up with a heavy heart. She said last night was supposed to be the first night when she had a good night sleep. But then she dreamt about that. She thinks about you constantly. I feel so sorry for her.
 
I know you're always there to comfort here even if we don't ask you. Please keep an eye on her and everyone in our family. We are missing you so much and this journey has never been easier. I wish there was an easy way to deal with our loss.
 
We love you anak. There was never a day when we don't think about you and wish that you were here.
 
 
Mommy Tintin
 
 

Sunday 26 August 2012

Your love for Cactus

Daddy and I were passing by a flower shop and saw some cactus  on their display window. Daddy reminded me that you loved them. Of course, I know very well about this as you used to have some cactus planted in inang's garden.
 
It was actually so nice of your daddy to remember that you loved cactus. Reminds of when we went to Marrakech. We went to a garden and they had a lot of cactus and they came in different sizes and forms. I took photos of that then to show you.
 
I also took photos of the cactus that we saw the other day. Funny how a simple thing like that reminds me of you:
 
 
I love you baby. Mommy misses you.
 
 
Mommy Tintin
 
 

Saturday 25 August 2012

You're Amazing

You really know when to remind me that you're just around. This morning Daddy went for a run in New York, from Chelsea to Brooklyn bridge. I don't know if it's because it was my frist time to run in New York, but I really struggled to get to the bridge. I felt so tired and worn out. But when I was about to stop because I was panting and felt like I was about to vomit, your song came on. I don't know if it was telling me to go on or to stop as I was really feeling unwell. But at the same time I had your motto in mind, so I kept going until I reached the sign that says "Welcome to Brooklyn".
 
I was relieved when I heard your song because I knew you were there. You always do that whenever I am struggling to reach my goal. Thank you for always being there for me.
 
We haven't really done much today. I will be meeting up with some friends later and that's it. I am still jet-lagged I supposed.
 
You're always in my mind and I am missing you more, especially because Mama has been posting pictures of you together and saying how much she misses you. Looking at your pictures, you look really alive and feels like you really never left us. Your face is so fresh and as always, you're very handsome. How I wish I can hold you and touch your beautiful skin again.
 
Ah, I miss you so much. I love you baby.
 
 
Mommy Tintin
 

Friday 24 August 2012

It's a K Lighter Day in NYC

We arrived in new York around 1pm today anak. I wish you were here. Meow was in my bag all the way through.I took it out at one point just to kiss it, but I didn't want to keep it out just in case I will lose him. I haven't taken any photos of him yet as I was not in the mood. I will take him out tomorrow so I will take some pictures then.
 
I am not sure if you would have liked NYC. They have big buildings, but nothing like the ones that you wanted to see. 
 
 I think I am jet-lagged anak. It's only 6pm in New York, but I am already sleepy.
 
You know I have been thinking about you, right? I wanted to bring you to New York. Sadly, you coulnd't would never make it now. I feel so sad being here, feeling guilty that I was not able to take you anywhere.
 
But you know I love you. Missing you so much.
 
 
Mommy Tintin
 
 
 

Thursday 23 August 2012

Our New York Trip

Hi baby, we're leaving for New York tomorrow and I am taking Meow with me. She's now safe in my handbag. Mommy had a long day trying to pack and do some household stuff. I will write to you from New York starting tomorrow. We'll be there for at least 10 days.

It's getting late. I should really be resting as I need to wake up early tomorrow. Just wanted to drop by to tell you how much I am missing you. I love you anak.


Mommy Tintin

Saying goodbye...(written on 21 August 2012)

as they say, is the hardest thing to do.

Tomorrow will be my last day at work.  After 10 years, I will finally be leaving Bristol for good. I am excited about this big move, but at the same time I am sad to be leaving my friends behind. I wanted to make my last few days at work memorable. I wanted to take pictures with my colleagues and everything that will remind me of my workplace for the last ten years, but something is keeping me from doing it. I am scared that this might be a bad sign or something. I know I am just paranoid, but since you left me, I have become more aware of everything that I am doing. But most of the time, it's all the negative thoughts. I don't know but I am afraid of doing something to that effect because something bad might happen. I know it's weird, but it's how I feel.

People who won't be at work tomorrow has said their goodbyes to me already. There was one person who already made me cry today. I have worked with her since I came to England in 2001. When she hugged me, I was reminded of when I heard the bad news about you because she was one of the first people I spoke to. I cried mainly because of the latter. It brought back memories of that very sad day. It was the same hug she gave me when she first saw me after you left you see. It was comforting. I will surely miss her, despite of our differences sometimes.

Ha, now I know I really hate saying goodbye. It was not as bad as before because saying goodbye then only reminded me of you as a young boy inside the car looking and waving at me when I was checking in at the airport. And now, it reminds me of that most painful moment when our family and friends had to say goodbye to you. It is really difficult.

I cry as I write this to you because I realized how much things have changed since you left. If Daddy and I didn't move to London, would you still be here? I know your leaving may not have anything to do with that, but why do these things happen? I know...for a reason....whatever that means.

I am missing you so much right now. I love you so very much.


Mommy Tintin


P.S.
Please give Tito JL comfort anak and tell Father God to guide him. He is going through something at the moment. I know you won't want to see him sad, so please be with him. Thank you.


Wednesday 22 August 2012

Mommy's last day at work

After 10 years, I am finally leaving my job in Bristol. It took me this long to find the courage to get out of my comfort zone, but I guess it's worth the wait.

I couldn't wait for this day to come, because I know that after this day, I will be facing a completely new life in London with Daddy Don. While I was living between two cities for the last 7 months or so, I was not really able to take the whole of London into perspective. I felt like I was still just visiting the city. Now I can proudly say that I am a resident of London.

I feel sad because I will be leaving good friends behind. I have worked with wonderful people for the last 10 years and I am not sure if I will find the same colleagues anywhere else. They have seen me in my darkest and brightest days. They have seen me cry, laugh and honestly, they have seen a lot of my personality. And perhaps because I was true to them, I gained their respect somehow.

The least I could do today was to email some of my colleagues to say thank you and I received an overwhelming response. Some of the emails I received were not even expected. But nevertheless, I am really humbled by their messages.

So there, the end of an era. This has been the longest that I have stayed in one job. It has been a roller coaster ride and it took me 10 years to be where I wanted to be.

I know Mommy will be alright wherever she goes because she has an angel watching over her. I should really thank you for giving me the courage to try things that I thought I could never do. I wouldn't have gone for this job if it were not for you.

I love you anak ko and I am missing you loads.


Mommy Tintin


Monday 20 August 2012

Your Ading's fear

I know they may be too young to understand everything that has happened to you, but I know that your Adings are both greatly affected by your passing.

I was exchanging messages with Mama today and she mentioned that Ading Linus is hoping that he and Ading Cxyrelle will not get sick the way you did. I can sense that your Adings were traumatized by what happened to you although they really never showed us any emotions with regards to fear or anything like that. Yes they were and still are very sad that they don't get to spend time with you anymore, but I never really saw them being scared of getting ill because of what happened to you.

I know I am just mumbling now. I really don't know how to react to this. It breaks my heart to hear your Ading talk that way. How I wish I could give them a hug and reassure them that what happened to you will never happen again. The whole situation must be really scary for them considering that they were beside you the day before you were taken away. Ah, I should really stop now. I am not making any sense and my emotion is taking over me at the moment.

Anyway, Ading Cxyrelle is not well. She is having fever. But don't worry because Mama has taken her to the doctor. She has tonsillitis and she is now on antibiotics, so I hope that she will feel better soon.

After hearing what Ading Linus said, I told Mama to tell Ading Cxyrelle to pray for your guidance. I know you will guide them anyway, regardless of whether they have asked for it or not. But I know that we need to reassure your Ading that you are always there for them. Because they know in their hearts that you are their guardian angel.

Times like this are the hardest for me and Mama. I was kind of hoping that because you were taken away, we will be spared from all this fear. But obviously not. Everytime I hear that either of your Ading is not well, I feel really helpless. The thought of them being sick really takes all my strength away. God knows how much your passing has affected us, so I hope He will not let us go through any difficult situation again.

Please anak ask Father God to please guide your Adings and keep them healthy.

How I wish you never left. This has been a roller coaster ride for all of us. It is hard.

All I can day now is that I love you and I always will. I am missing you so much.


Mommy Tintin


Sunday 19 August 2012

K Lighter Day continues

Two days after  your angel birthday and people are still doing something for you. I am really speechless. I can't really thank them enough.

A reminder of Keith
- from Jenny, Ireland
May Keith's light to birghten everyday of your life. 
Happy 1st angel birthday. Your mum loves you so much.
- from Rose, USA

Ate Cyrene Jill Costales mde this video for you on you tube. Unfortunately, I am unable to upload the video yet so here's the link:


My friend Rose Ann from the Philippines offered a mass for you too. 

I am so proud of you for continuing to inspire other people. I am so lucky to have had you as a son. I love you more than you'll ever know and I will miss you forever.


Mommy Tintin


Saturday 18 August 2012

What we did for you on your first angel birthday

I am so touched by the thoughtfulness of my friends from all over the world, who joined me and our family in celebrating your first angel birthday. Their act of kindness and their warm messages left me lost for words. I really do appreciate what they have done for you:

For Keith Ashley "happy bday in heaven"... Give him eternal rest, Oh Lord, and may your light shine upon him forever. 
- from my friend Marilou, Arizona
A blue candle that will burn all day, wearing a blue top, the effort not to cuss (even mentally!) and the thought of not giving up on a day when things weren't really being fantastic...the last two were the hardest, but because of a friend and her lovely boy who is in a better place than we are, I'd say just the mere thought of remembering not to cuss wiped the frown away. 
- from my friend Gemma, London
Prayers and lighted candle for keith's 1st angel birthday:) 
- from Ate Lala, Manila
Didn't realise how nice the words are, Ate. Thank you and Keith for sharing. =)
Today may not the best of days, but I am greatly inspired to turn things around by a little boy who went to heaven a year ago. Thank you Ate Cristine, and thank you Keith. "Kaya ko po, ako pa." 
- from Ate Leng, London 
Give him eternal rest, O Lord, and may your Light shine upon him forever.
Receive his soul and present him to God the Most High.
- from Auntie Mila, Zambales
And to Keith Ashley, a very talented young boy who went to heaven a year ago. "Kaya ko, Ako Pa" always inspire me.
- from my friend Ate Jo of London
Happy Happy Birthday Keith!
You are greatly missed :)
- from Tita Grace, Laos
K lighter day! X
- from my friend Blossom, Birminghan
Our Keith Lighter Day; Blue And white Balloons, white candle, prayers, and Sparkles!!! All sent up in the air, through the gates of heavens TO Keith...
-from my friend Alena and her family, Connecticut
Keith, this is for you balong!
-from Manang Dang, Canada
For Keith
-from my friend Emma, Chicago


And some of the messages were:

Jean Drf (Manang Jean)
went to church with my boys today, light a candle for my John, Keith, Uncle Sam and cousin Guy. Then said our prayers. RIP.



May the light of God sorround you.
May the love of God enfold you.
May the presence of God watch over you.
And may the power of God raise you & be with Him now & 4ever.
Keith, this I pray 4u...in Jesus' name...Amen.

Sarah Dodd, Manchester
Hey honey. It's a Keith Lighter day in Lowton, downloaded Lighters for Keith this morning and got ready for work listening to it. I'll play it on and off all day. Hugs to you my sweet friend xxxx

Some of my friends sent me personal messages to say that they were thinking of me. Some sent their greetings through your facebook page, In Loving Memory page and my facebook page. One of my friends went to work with white shirt and blue socks. Most of them liked my post on facebook. Little gestures maybe but they really mean so much to me. It's overwhelming that most of these people really have not met you, but they care enough to do something for you on your special day. I will forever be grateful. 

Meanwhile, Meowmeow and I celebrated your birthday the best we could. When I woke up that morning, I was met by a spider in our bathroom. My first instinct was to kill it, but I knew it was your birthday so I ran the shower and sent it in the drain instead. Then when I was taking the clothes out from the washing machine, one of the clothes fell on the floor and I almost cursed. It takes so much self-control to ditch those bad habits. I went for a run afterwards and listened to your song first and then played it on and off the entire day.

After lunch, I took Meow to a little cafe around the corner for some waffle and ice cream, your birthday treat. It was a K lighter day so I took a picture of the sky. Afterwards, we went to St. Paul's cathedral to light a candle and said a little prayer for you and Paolo. I was wearing my white dress and my blue ballerinas. Do I have to mention that I thought about you all day?
Back at home they celebrated your birthday just like the old times. All your friends were there. Ading Linus said it was a K Lighter day because Jesus knew it was your birthday. So please thank Him for me. And yes, what's up with the grasshoppper? I think I have told you about this yesterday. But it's weird that we never really had any grasshopper in the house until you left.

We surely missed you on your birthday. I'm sure you had a nice one up there. Please remember that we love you so much and a lot of people care about you. Thank you for the inspiration.

Ciao, baby.


Mommy Tintin


Friday 17 August 2012

Forever 11

You would have been 12 today.

It was 12 years ago when God gave us the most wonderful gift we ever recieved. The first newborn in the family, the first proper baby. You and Mama were in the main ward of the hospital where I used to work. It was sometime in the afternoon when Daddy Don and I visited you. Yes Daddy Don happened to be on vacation at that time so he came with me. You were asleep at that time and Mama was resting. Meanwhile, Daddy Don, Papa and I decided on your name. At first Papa wanted you to be called Keith Lee, from his favourite musicians Keith of Metallica and Tommy Lee of Motley Crue. I was not sure why Papa wanted you to be named after those rock 'n roll superstars, but I'm sure it was only because of his love for the music. Daddy and I didn't quite like the sound of Keith Lee though, so we suggested Keith Ashley. Papa protested because Ashley is apparently a girl's name. But we eventually managed to convince him it was better than his choice. So we then told the midwife to put Keith Ashley on your birth certificate. 

We were also deciding at that time if we should register you as my son. Because remember, I have already asked permission from Mama and Papa that I would adopt you? But Papa was not keen and wanted to ensure that you will have another brother until he gave you to me, which was fair enough. And so we left it like that.

I left you when you were about eight months old and legally adopted you when you were four.

******

It was weird calling home on your birthday and not speaking with you. It was the first time in 12 years. When I called your friends were singing happy birthday to you, just like the old times. I spoke briefly to HerJae, Christelle, Anthony, Frederick, Iona and Xyryll. Yes anak, your friends and their mommies were all there to celebrate your angel birthday. Then they went to visit your house on earth. Unfortunately they couldn't stay long because they still have exams tomorrow. Your bestfriend Aga has been in the house since after lunch but I didn't get to speak to him.

I am not sure if Mama took pictures from today but I downloaded some of the photos from your last birthday on earth.


By the way, there was apparently a grasshopper in the house today. It appeared from nowhere when your friends arrived. Maybe it was a sign that you were with them on your birthday. And yes, it is a Keith Lighter Day after a week of rain. Ading Cxyrelle prayed hard last night for a good weather. And Ading Linus said, God didn't allow it to rain because he knew that your friends were going to the house for your birthday.

Anak, let me end my letter to you with this......


To the boy who almost had everything - good character, good looks, brains and talents.

Whose presence lit up every room, at the same time silenced it because of his exemplary reservedness.

The boy who possessed those mysterious eyes.
The 
eyes which people believed to have said a lot about his fate on earth. Those warm, compassionate, expressive yet sad and sorrowful eyes.

The boy whose gracefulness, politeness, quietness and meticulousness set a standard among other children.

Whose talents and good character continue to inspire other people - young and old.

The boy who inspired me to become a better person and who has given me the strength I thought I never had.

The boy who loved God and everything that belonged to Him.

The boy who was and still is loved by his friends and his family unconditionally.

The boy other children look up to.

The boy any parent would wish to have.

The boy whom we will forever love and never forget.

Happy first angel birthday anak. You are deeply missed.



Mommy Tintin


Thursday 16 August 2012

We will miss you tomorrow


It's less than 24 hours before your first angel birthday and it's getting harder for me. This morning Ading Cxyrelle interrupted my conversation with Mama just to remind me that it's your birthday tomorrow. I asked her what her birthday wish is for you and she said, " That hopefully he will come back". I told her that you're now an angel. And before I could finish my sentence, tears started falling down my face and my voice started to break. Ading Cxyrelle continued in saying, " Even if he's an angel now, I know he will still come back". She probably could tell that I was crying because she passed the phone to Mama. Mama told me that Ading doesn't like seeing anyone cry. But it's really, really hard not to anak. 

Anyway, for your birthday I asked your friends what they miss about you. Christelle was very nice in asking your friends for me. As expected, she mentioned Xyryll first. She apparently misses the whole Keith. For Dakie, he misses your being very quiet in school, but when you're at the computer shop, you were the loudest. Those things really made you laugh out loud and the videos that you watched on you tube. While Christelle misses your kindness. Your other friends said they missed your honesty and creativeness. It's a common knowledge among your friends that you were very good in art and they are missing your drawings.

You will be pleased to know that you're bestfriend Aga has become closer to me. Whenever he sees me online, he would say hi to me first and that's almost everytime he goes online. He told me he misses the way you talk and your jokes. He also misses playing with you. I was curious about how you talked, and he told me because your voice is soothing and the he finds your way of talking beautiful. He told me you loved telling him jokes and he would always laugh at them. You apparently made predictions in everything you saw. Sometimes, you predicted things in a joking manner just to make him laugh. He said he never missed your birthday so he is hoping to go to our house tomorrow.

I miss you already anak. Please know that we love you so much and we will never forget you.


Mommy Tintin

Wednesday 15 August 2012

The fussy, meticulous Keith

I am sure it's quite obvious where you got those from, hey? At times, I get the blame for giving you those traits that I famously possess. Inang and Mama have always told me that you inherited your fussiness and meticulousness from me. At first I begged to disagree because I was not with you when you were growing up, so I thought they should blame themselves. But eventually when they told me exactly why they thought you were like me,  I had to just accept it because it was true
.

First of all, we are both particular with the clothes that we wear. You didn't like going out with wrinkled clothes and so do I. This is also probably the reason why you've always kept your school uniform as immaculate as they were from morning until the afternoon. Not to mention that you changed your uniform twice a day. Then you wouldn't wear overused clothes if I am not mistaken. This is how different you were from Ading Linus, because he would never hesitate to wear your old clothes. But, you really didn't mind if you wore the same clothing in more than one occasion and be photographed in it over and over again. Hmmm, Mommy is not quite there yet. I don't really know who taught me to wear clothes only once. But I remember when I was a kid, I was wearing an OP (Ocean Pacific) t-shirt and saw someone wearing the same t-shirt. I went into a tantrum and told Inang that I will never wear that t-shirt again because someone already had it. Inang laughed and she told me that companies didn't make single t-shirts for single people. I think I am better with this now, but I am still trying to get used to being photographed in the same clothes twice. In fact, I have tried that already and I am  not sure if anyone even noticed.

Anyway, more on you now. So, you took a shower three times a day huh?! That was a bit too much for a child like you I think. But perhaps your system got used to it eventually, because you never got ill. If I may be more specific, you took a shower in the morning before you went to school, at lunchtime before you went back to school in the afternoon and in the evening before you went to bed. So clean....

You sprayed perfume all over your body before going out, even your bottom and your legs (kind of like me). If you forgot and then remembered, you would go back to the house even if you were already on your way to school. And your favourite perfume? Cool Water by Davidoff. That was Papa's favourite too. I actually bought you one when you left but I gave it to Ading Linus so he will always remember your smell. Even Teacher Nhica said that you had that distinct smell that overshadowed any other smells in the school.

Then there was this issue of having a ceiling fan in our toilet. A lot of people during your wake asked that question and I felt weird because I thought we are not the only family who had a fan in the toilet. Perhaps others had an aircondition instead of a ceiling fan. But I was actually surprised when they all said that it was their first time to see a ceiling fan inside a toilet. And this is the reaason why we had one in ours.....

You easily get irritated by the hot weather and since it's hot in the toilet, you used to carry two portable fans whenever you went in there. And on top of that, you had a fan on your hand to use for your bottom. Yes, you had to do that to cool your bottom, right? I laughed out loud the first time Mama told me about it. You were certainly one of a kind.

Now, the tissues and the wipes in your bag. I know you got that from me too. I don't know why but as I said, I was not there when you were growing up. But Mama told me that you would not leave the house without those two important items in your bag, and oh, hand sanitizer as well. And you washed your hands very often too. Kind of OCD like me, huh.

Even as a small child, you managed to eat anything without messing your hands or your mouth. You always had a hankerchief or a tissue paper handy to wipe your hands and your mouth. You held a chicken leg with just your two fingers. You have never used your hands to eat. Remember when you were at a fastfood restaurant and the cowboy that Ading Linus is, he was using his hands to eat something? You apparently whispered to Mama to tell Ading not to use his hands when eating in public because it was embarrassing. Haha.

You were at first fussy with food as well from whatI remember. You didn't eat anything but meat, right? But eventually Mama said that you started eating that was given to you. Ha, I remember if you didn't like the food in the house, you wouldn't complain. Instead you made an excuse of not being hungry and they instantly knew what was wrong. There was also one time when Ading Linus was eating one of his favourite foods- the dried small shrimps (dried alamang). You asked Ading if it tasted good. He said yes and offered you to taste it, but you refused. You told me you were just wondering how the food was. That was really funny and I can imagine how you looked like at the precise moment.

Your books, you arranged them almost if not every night. You had everything in order. Just like me actually.

You know, I heard that someone actually said that one of the reasons why you left was because you were very clean that you didn't even have natural bacteria to defend your body against infection. I don't actually believe in that, but I respect their opinion.

There you go. How I wish I was there to witness these though. It makes me feel sad that I missed a lot of things when you were growing up. But I will forever cherish every little stories that Inang and Mama have told me about you.

Only two days now before your first birthday in heaven. I hope it doesn't rain so your friends can go to the house. I was chatting to your bestfriend Aga this morning and he said he has gone to every birthday you had since you met each other, and he would still go even if you're no longer here. I must say anak that I am now talking to Aga more than I have spoken to him ever before. Sometimes, he is even the first one to say hello to me. And I really appreciate it.

Oh my God, I have written so much about you today. I am sure you are embarrassed by what I wrote, but don't be. I'm sure a lot of people out there would like to know more about you. And there is certainly nothing embarrassing about all this. It's simply you, the boy who inspired a lot of people, both young and old for being the good and talented boy that everyone had the pleasure of meeting.

I love you so much and you know that. I miss you.


Mommy Tintin


Tuesday 14 August 2012

You didn't ask for anything but....

the ones that has got to do with school and your passion. I am so glad that you were not into gadgets at your age. We only bought you material things because we wanted you to experience it, and not because you've asked for it. We knew that you liked music that's why we bought you the mp3 player and the ipod shuffle. And Papa  wanted you to experience playing games just like other children, so he bought you psp. He then bought you netbook so you could use it to research for the things that you love like birds, fish and animals.

But when it came to your equipments for painting, you were very specific with them and only wanted the best. You knew exactly what you wanted. And so, even if they were quite expensive, Mama and I tried our best to buy you what you needed. Nothing was expensive because we knew it was worth it.

Then you wanted to be more active at school so you decided to join the Mathematics Guild, even if you knew you had to be at school on Saturdays. When Mama told me that you wanted to go to Naga for the competition, I didn't think twice about it. Because I knew that it was something that you loved and the only thing that you insistently asked for. I knew it involved quite a lot of money because you and Mama were going, but I didn't care because I was so proud of you.

Majority of the time when you needed something and if Mama or Inang told you that they didn't have money, you wouldn't have any tantrums. You would instead tell them to just buy it when they had the money. You really were not generally good at asking for anything. I think you were embarrassed. I remember when I used to ask you want you wanted me to bring when I went home, you always told me to bring whatever I can. I would think that any child would have a list of pasalubong that they want, just like Ading Cxyrelle. But you never did, unless we offered it to you. And I think that Ading Linus may have inherited that trait, because he doesn't ask for anything as well. Which I think is good.

Ah, I will miss buying gifts for you. Now I will only have to worry about two kids when I go home. Or maybe I can buy some for Aga and your friends. What do you think?

Baby, it's your birthday soon. I am missing you more now. I love you.


Mommy Tintin


Monday 13 August 2012

The clouds and the sky



They're your colours...white and blue.
When I challenge myself, I think of you.
Because I know there was nothing you can't do.
And that I should try too.


Here I am lying on the ground.
With my eyes closed, I sing your song.
I know I can't do this for long.
But the music in my ear makes me want to carry on.

And then I open my eyes and look above.
The clouds are so white and the sky is so blue
I know you're somewhere out there, looking down on me.
Telling me how proud you are that I have come this far.


Mommy has been tyring to write a poem for you since you left, but you probably have noticed that writing poems or in fact, writing in general is not what I am good at. But because of you, I do what I do, even if it means embarrassing myself for writing like a grade school pupil. But hey, it's for you anak and I don't really care.

So, I hope you liked my first attempt at writing a poem for you. Show it to your angel friends and let me know what they think, okay?

I love you my baby. Mommy misses you.


Mommy Tintin


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