Monday 25 February 2013

Daily learnings: Day 1

I have not only written for a day and it seems a long time for me already. I am trying to search for something---perhaps solace. It's never ending anak and I keep fighting. I am not sure when will this ever end and if I ever will get tired. But I live in your mantra, so I know I can do everything. I just need your guidance and of course the Man above.

Today, this is what I learned from Nicky Gumble:

"Sometimes we feel ourselves facing a seemingly impossible situation. It might be a relationship that seems to have broken down irretrievably or some issue to do with health, finances or something else where change seems impossible. But with God there is always hope, no matter how bad things look. Nothing is impossible with God. His power makes all things possible."

I have only one prayer today- that everything will get sorted and that we remain together.

As much as I want to pour my heart out, I can't.

Just know that no matter what happens, I love you. I wish you'd never left. It would have been easier. Missing you loads anak.


Mommy Tintin


Saturday 23 February 2013

365 letters

I can't believe that I have been writing to you everyday for a year now. Time flies really fast. Writing is the only thing that I could do to express how I feel. It helped me a lot to recover from your loss. There is something about writing to you that made (and still makes) me feel better.

A lot of things have happened since I started writing to you, some good, others bad. These letters are a reflection of my emotions since you left. I may have not completely disclosed everything here, but one day I will.

It's been so nice talking to you in letters. You have taught me a lot of things. You taught me how to be honest with my feelings and you allowed me to just be myself. 

I am still in search of that purpose and I have not completely recovered from your loss. I don't know how long will this journey take, but I am hoping that someday somehow, I will learn to fully accept that things happen for a reason. I still believe that God has a purpose and soon I will know.

After 365 letters I'm sure I will still be writing to you. It may not be everyday now, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about you anymore. You will always be in my thoughts, wherever I go, whatever I do. I will continue to work hard to make my dreams for you come true.

If I am not able to write to you, I will instead speak to you when I speak to God.

Thank you for giving me the inspiration to write to you everyday. And thank you for proving to me that I can do anything. I live in your life's mantra, "Kaya ko po, Ako pa". You will forever be my inspiration.

I love you very much anak ko and nothing will ever change that. I will miss you every single day of my life.


Mommy Tintin


P.S. - Papa has left for Saudi again. Please watch over Mama, Inang, Tatang and your Adings.

Friday 22 February 2013

I somehow know why God took you....

-to spare you from all the drama. I keep thinking that if you hadn't left and things are as what they are now, I don't know how you would have taken it. Somehow I believe that God wanted you to be spared from all the heartaches that this life may bring. Now it's becoming clearer that God may have wanted you to stay pure. I'm not sure but it feels like that.

I need to understand things more and I know one day I'll find out the answers that I have been looking for. With God's help.

I love you so much. Missing you everyday.


Mommy Tintin


Thursday 21 February 2013

You continue to make us proud

By now a lot of people would have visited your paintings at the Harbor Point. I didn't know that it was going to be there for a while. But recently, people have been sending me messages and tagging me on their photos with your paintings. It leaves me speechless sometimes that you continue to inspire people and make us proud. If only those people who visit your paintings know that you're no longer here.

Anyway, so one of my friends (you probably have met her)posted a message and a photo on my facebook wall today, much to my surprise. And she wrote, "Ate tin, i wasn't able to light a candle or wear something blue on keith's anniversary in heaven and i felt bad so i decided to drop by and see his paintings at harbor point. I hope I made Keith smile in heaven". I'm sure you wouldn't mind if people forget your angelversary, but don't you think it's sweet? I am very blessed that I have beautiful people in my life.


I know you appreciate this anak and you probably are whispering "thank you" right now to everyone who always remembers you.

We love you Keith. You will never be forgotten.


Mommy Tintin


Wednesday 20 February 2013

I'm jealous

While it is very easy for other people to ask for help and to be helped, it is such a struggle for some. I am saying this because remember I have always wanted to put up a foundation in your memory so we could help poor talented kids to go to art and music school, at the same time help the least fortunate children in our town with their medical needs? It seems like I have to go through an eye of a needle first before I even get anywhere. I don't know how to even make a start. I'm kind of reluctant now because I have asked for help a few times already so I could help Baby Jacob, but I don't seem to get a lot of help from other people. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I really just want to help. You are probably aware that I used to raise funds for Bantay Bata, right? Even then, I found it difficult to ask help from people. I don't know what people have in mind when you ask them for help, but sometimes they don't seem to trust you. Arrghhhh.

That's why I am jealous with the help that other charities are receiving. Perhaps they are more pro-active than I am. 

I am running the half marathon soon. I wanted to raise funds for your former art and music school because I want to help with their scholarship program, but unfortunately, they are not able to register with Just Giving. That was the only way I thought I could raise money for them. Well actually, I could use paypal, but based on my previous attempt to raise money for Baby Jacob's liver transplant, it didn't go that well. So, it's a shame that I will not be able to help your school this time.

But that doesn't mean I will stop helping. Whether you have a foundation or not, I would still help when I can and that's my promise to you. I just need to sort out my priorities first and then I will concentrate on raising funds for your school. I believe in their advocacy and I know that they have helped a lot of children realize their potentials.

I'm sure we can work together on this. When I am more ready, I will let you know. For now, please ask Papa Jesus to guide me.

You are missed very much Pochongchong. I love you.


Mommy Tintin


Tuesday 19 February 2013

Renewing my relationship

I know it will not be easy but I am slowly trying to renew my relationship with God. No, I am not doing it with anyone. I am alone in this. I may not have the fellowship that every Christian has or need, but I know that will come eventually. For now, I just want to take things slow and enjoy every moment of my "getting to know you" phase with God.

After browsing on a few bible apps, I may have finally found the one that will help me build up my new relationship with the Lord. And since I started quite late, I am still catching up on the previous lessons. This is actually Bible in a year. 

At times, I feel a little lighter and more hopeful that God is in control and that I should stop worrying about anything. It's kind of hard for me not worry, but I am determined to lift everything up to Him. I know I just need to trust Him.

So anak, I'm sure you are pleased to know about this. I need your help though. I'm sure you will.

I'm still a baby in this again, so I will need more time to just do what I need to do.

As you are my little angel up in heaven, I'm sure you will guide me on this.

I will never get tired of telling you how much I love and miss you.


Mommy Tintin


Monday 18 February 2013

Missing you

I just want to speak to you.....


I love and miss you so so much!



Mommy Tintin

Sunday 17 February 2013

I made some changes

but there's nothing to worry about. For more than a year now, I had your photo as my wallpaper on my mobile, but I changed that today for a reason. 

Since I started at my new job, people have asked if I had a child. I tried as much as I could to say no, although it was so hard for me because I felt like I was denying. But the only reason I had was that I didn't want people to feel sorry for me and I didn't want to make a fuss. Besides, when I slipped and accidentally told someone about you, she ignored me. She didn't give me any compassion at all. So since then, I thought that telling people about you at work may not be a good idea. Only one person knew about you, just because she is my boss and I feel that I should tell her.

But something happened few days ago. I was charging my phone when someone jokingly asked if I was also playing a music from it and he just all of a sudden press the button and your photo popped up. He was surprised to see your photo of course because I have never told them that I had a child. So he asked who you were and he just went on and on if you were my child. I tried to change the conversation by telling him that it is a long story and that I don't want to talk about you but somehow, he was forcing me to say something. So unguarded, I said that I lost you a year ago. I became so defensive and immediately told him not to worry because I am okay and life has to go on. It was so awkward because the person I tried to talk to about you before was sat beside me and I knew that she really didn't care. I just didn't know what to say. Thankfully, I managed to change the topic.

So here is the change I had to make just in case someone fiddles with my phone at work again.

From this:


                     

 To this:

It kind of hurts that I had to do this, but I know you understand anak. It doesn't mean that I will not be able to look at your photo everyday because your face is forever tattooed in my mind.

I love you Keith and God knows how much I am missing you all the time.


Mommy Tintin


Saturday 16 February 2013

Ading Cye and Meow

I skyped with Ading Cxyrelle this morning and I was holding Meow. She was so happy to see meow, she calls Meow "Miming" pala. I told her that Meow is actually older than her because Meow has been with you from the day you were born. So, she said that really, Meow should be her "Kuya". I sort of wasn't sure because for some reason I have always thought that Meow is a "she". If you noticed in my previous letters, I've always addressed Meow as a she. Maybe Ading is right. In fact even Daddy told me that Meow is a he. Now, you have to tell me if Meow is a he or she. :)

Also, Ading was showing me her collection of stuffed toys and hello kitty. Guess what? She has taken over your (and Ading Lye's) bed. Yes, she sleeps there on her own with her furry friends. Ading Lye sleeps with Papa and Mama. Ading Cye seems to be enjoying having her own bed. Oh and remember your other favourite toy? That big dog? It's still there and he is with Ading's friends. :)

Nothing really, I just want to give you a quick update. 

Hayyy, I miss you so much. I love you ha.


Mommy Tintin


Friday 15 February 2013

Signs

Everyday I ask for signs to let me know that you're with me.....


I am missing you already, please visit me soon. Much love to you my beautiful angel.


Mommy Tintin


Thursday 14 February 2013

Happy Valentine's Day

This is your second Valentine's day in heaven. I have always wondered who your someone special was. You never really told anyone. One of your friends told us that he knew her, but he promised you that he won't tell anybody. Even when we bribed him to tell us, he refused to say anything because he didn't want you to get mad at him. It would be nice to know who your secret crush was. Of all the girls that have expressed their admiration to you, it's really impossible not you didn't like any of them. But then even your teachers said that you really didn't like it when the girls came up to you to flirt with you. One of your teachers said that when you get irritated, you would warn the girl to stop. And if she didn't you would walk away. There was one of the girls that they thought you liked though. But apparently you were not in speaking terms until you left. Your friends said that you had an "LQ". The one good was you remained civil with each other. It's so cute how your friends and teachers described the moments when you had to speak to her. You really wouldn't look at her. Perhaps you also like her. Uyyyyyy....

Sorry for teasing you anak. I know you don't want to be teased. It's just so sad that we won't be able to see you fall in love. I never get to experience you asking me for money to buy your special someone a gift. You only got to a point where you weren't sure if it was good or bad to have a crush on someone. You were so unsure that you had to ask Mama. 

Have you met St. Valentine's yet? I can imagine cherubs playing sweet music to St. Valentine. I wonder how you're celebrating it up there. 

Since your friends have given you the title, "crush ng bayan", I'm sure somehow there is one lucky girl out there who has stolen your heart. I won't be surprised if you had loads of admirers. And I mean, of all ages, young or older ladies. You almost had it all!




I miss you so so much Keith pogi. I miss asking you if you had a crush. And I miss you telling me, "huh, wala po". I love you more than you'll ever know.


Mommy Tintin


Wednesday 13 February 2013

This time last year

This time last year, we were coming back to England. I was never been that emotional leaving home, apart from that scene at the airport when you were about four years old. You took me to the airport with the family and while I was going inside, I looked back and saw you leaning on the opened window of the car looking at me. 

This must have been the most difficult goodbye to our family because I knew that from that moment, we had to face our new normal which is - life without you. People asked me not to cry because apparently it wasn't good as I was leaving. But how could I help myself from crying? That wasn't the normal scene. This time, I didn't want anybody to take me to the airport but Inang insisted that she should go, so she came with some of Daddy's family. 

I didn't know how things would be after I left. I was hoping that somehow things would be better. Until now, that's what I am hoping and praying for. A lot of times in the last few months, I almost almost have lost hope. But recently, I think I may have found my way back to God. Not that I really lost it, but I know that I was already at that corner. I don't know how long should I have to wait to realize that God actually has better plans that's why He has taken you. I am very anxious to know as you probably have noticed. I just want things to go back the way they were, when Papa and I were growing up. No dramas basically. I just want a peace of mind. And if you can please ask Papa Jesus to guide us and never leave us. I'm sure He never will, but please just remind Him.

Times are hard but I am not losing hope. Thank you for always being there anak. You may not be here physically, but I know you're always with us.

My love for you will never end. I think about you all the time. You are greatly missed.


Mommy Tintin


Tuesday 12 February 2013

It's still on!

I thought that your painting exhibit has ended but apparently not. One of my friends sent me photos of the exhibit. Just to let you know anak that a lot of people have been to see your paintings. Someone that Mama knows told her that on opening day, there were a number of people looking at your paintings and they were amazed at how good you were. I'm sure they didn't know that you no longer are here to celebrate that success. In fact, I thought that it would have actually been better if they wrote something about the paintings. It would have been more meaningful. But anyway, I am happy and proud enough that a lot of people are able to see your beautiful paintings.

And oh, I forgot to tell you, they also did a small tribute for you on their culminating event. I think Sir C made a speech about you or something and then the students played the violin. Everyone was there. I'm glad that Mama, Papa and your Adings were able to attend. Remember they were in Ilocos? But they went home early so they were able to watch the tribute.

I'm sure this is only the beginning of more exhibits for you. I know because one day, I will be the one organising it. I am holding on to that dream and with God's help I know one day it will happen.

Please continue to watch over us. I love you so much Pochongchong. Mommy misses you more than you know. I need a hug from you badly.


Mommy Tintin


Monday 11 February 2013

I need a guardian Angel

and I know you will be there for me....



Angel of God,
My guardian dear
to whom God's love commits me here,
ever this day
be at my side
to light and guard
to rule and guide


I love and miss you so much.


Mommy Tintin


Sunday 10 February 2013

Their trip to Ilocos and Baguio

I know how much you wanted to go home to Ilocos before you left. You kept nagging Mama about it. If we only knew that you were leaving soon, then you would have gone to see your grandparents and cousins. But anyway....

A year after, your Mama, Papa and Adings finally were able to go back to Ilocos and also visit Baguio. I am so sorry anak for this didn't happen when you were still here. I know you really wanted to visit Baguio. I'm so sorry.

Seems like your Adings had fun in Baguio. In fact, Ading Linus apparently told Papa that he wants to study high school there. When Papa asked him if he can do it, he said yes he can! Now, that's one thing that we should really have to think about. 



Yes, Ading Linus learned how to drive the scooter in Ilocos. It's a shame you didn't get to experience this. Remember you could already drive a tricycle before you left? I'm sure you would have enjoyed driving a scooter.

We miss you more in times like this you know. We wish you were here. 

I love you.


Mommy Tintin


Saturday 9 February 2013

Your Netbook

You know that your netbook has been broken for a while, right? In fact it stopped working few days after you left. Mama kept telling me that you brought the life of your netbook with you. The last time I used your netbook, you had files in it. There was your collection of songs and some photos and artworks. All of those are now gone.

Recently Mama had your netbook fixed. Unfortunately, they were not able to recover any files, so they had to change the hard drive. All data is lost. But at least it's working again now.

I wanted you to know about this because I know that you loved that netbook very much. Now your Adings can use it again and it's now easier for us to skype because they can take the netbook with them anywhere in the house. I'm sure your Adings will look after your netbook the way you looked after it.

I have always wondered how angels play in heaven. Because nowadays, children are often seen playing with their ipads. I wonder if you also have any electronics in heaven. Maybe not.

I miss and love you so much!


Mommy Tintin

Friday 8 February 2013

Harbor Point Exhibit

First of all, thank you for always being our little "Lighter". You really know when to make us feel better. Few days before your first angelversary, Mama was approached by Casa regarding your paintings. They borrowed ten of them. Five of them remained in Casa, while the other five were exhibited in Harbor Point, Subic. Thank you for sharing your talents to many people anak. Your legacy lives in your work. It is our honour for your paintings to be included in that exhibit. We are so proud of you!


I love and miss you so much.


Mommy Tintin
        

Thursday 7 February 2013

January 28 is K Lighter Day

I have been thinking whether to have both your angel birthday and angelversary as K Lighter Days. However, I also thought that it may be too much for our friends and family to do what I have asked them to do, so I had to choose between your angel birthday and your angelversay. Since January 28 will remain the saddest day of my life, I decided to make it officially the K Lighter Day. My aim is to basically turn that sad day lighter as you would want it to be. What do you think? Don't worry because every beautiful day is a K Lighter Day. I also just want to have an official day, so there you go.

Last January 28, I asked our family and friends to make the day a K Lighter Day again just like what we did on your first angel birthday. I want to share what my friends have done for you. I am really grateful that some people never get tired of helping me remember you.

I met Michelle online via the Grieving Mothers. It' really such an honour for me that she actually participated on our K Lighter Day.
From my ever loyal and very good friend Mila and my ever supportive "virtual" friend Sarah. Sarah and I met over a a crazy sale on www.net-a-porter.com. It all started with my comment on not getting an Alexander Mc Queen bag. We have been in touch regularly since.
Ate Leng as you know is one of my good friends and she has always been there for me. And Emma is a friend from University, whom despite the distance and lack of communication, she remains to be so thoughtful.


I think you have met Alma before. perhaps when you were a baby. She is a good friend from high school.
This is from Tita Gara. Although I have only met her once in person, I know we have that special bond. And since then, I felt like she has been in my life for a long time.
And this is what I have done for you. I read the Bible, lit a candle, wore blue and played your song as soon as 12 midnight struck.


This is just to remind you that you are not forgotten. I will always be thankful that God has given me a boy who can make a dreadful day a K Lighter Day. Keep inspiring people young boy! We are so proud of you. 

My endless love to you,

Mommy Tintin


Wednesday 6 February 2013

Our first day without you

Our first day without you also happened to be your 9th day in heaven. It was not that bad at all yet because after we sent you off, people remained in the house until your 9th day. I was going to say celebrate, but it was not like that. It's our tradition to pray and prepare some food on 9th day. Until now, I still don't know the exact reason why we do such thing. I never really asked Inang.

As usual, people came to join us. There were a lot of people which was good. Your friends and teachers came at lunch and some of them came back for dinner too. There were also children from different schools.

People were talking about your send-off. Some of them said that they haven't seen that many people in a long time. People were amazed on how talented you were. They didn't realize that you were that active in school and out until you left. They were actually surprised that you were joining competitions in other places.

Oh, I forgot to tell you that we gave away CDs of your favourite songs. And on your 9th day, we played your songs over and over again. We sang along and some kids danced as well.

I must say at this point we didn't feel that alone as yet because there were people in the house most of the time. Perhaps those who are still close to us didn't want to leave us. It is very good to know that  a lot of people wanted to help our family during our time of need. Most of them volunteered. We didn't even have to ask them to help. They were there as soon as they found out what happened to you. Our family is very blessed to have those people in our lives.

I am missing you so much anak. Please visit me again soon. Love you, okay?


Mommy Tintin


Tuesday 5 February 2013

The Final Goodbye

05 February 2012 - We woke up very early after only a few hours sleep the night before because your "send off" was at midday. Inang was at your bedside already crying, asking you to forgive her for scolding you at times. She said it was because she loved you that's why she didn't want you to do naughty things. She kept saying that she would miss pressing your chunky legs. It was so heartbreaking seeing her cry. I'm sure it was an awful feeling to bury your grandchild. One by one, we went to tell you our last words. I was cuddling Meowmeow because that's the only I could think of getting closer to you. I couldn't say anything. I just wished you'd never left. 

The first few hours in the morning seemed long. Still, a lot of people came to see you until it was time to get ready because the people have arrived to pick you up. Inang and the rest of the oldies wanted you to have a band, but Papa, Mama and I disagreed because we knew that you wouldn't have liked that. You hated loud noise. So we decided to play your favourite song "Lighters" instead. Of course we edited it so as not to play the swear words. Instantly, the song became so famous that everyone, from children to adults were singing along as we walked you to church. You were in a horse-drawn carriage which was beautiful. We wanted to give you the best as we would have if you were only given another chance to spend more time with us. Your friends from the Knights of the Altar escorted you. All of your family and friends wore white. The number of people who turned up at your "send off" was overwhelming. I never thought that you were that known to people. There were of course a lot of children. I was so proud of you that you made such an impact on people.

When we arrived at the church, Ate Glory was playing the violin. There were already people at the church. Tito Roman coordinated everything and I was so happy with how they managed to arrange such a beautiful service. What they did was what they call a " Christian burial", just like what the famous President Aquino had. It was very solemn. 

Ate Glory played the violin for a few minutes before the mass started. And then there was a small program where a few people, (including me) gave their eulogy. I am not entirely sure of the order, but I think your friend F gave his eulogy first, followed by Sir J and a representative from your student council. Tito Roman did the first reading which was very heart-warming and comforting. I have totally forgotten what was it all about, but it was kind of telling us that God has taken you because someone like you who is pure shouldn't be stained or something like that. And then I gave them my eulogy. I tried not to cry but I was already crying even before I got in front. I was never a good speaker, but for some reason when I was standing in front of so many people (the church was full), telling them all about you, I was very confident and eloquent- for once. I could almost hear you telling me, "Kaya mo po yan, Ikaw pa". It was so overwhelming seeing people cry when I cried, and laugh when I laughed. I was standing there as the proudest Mommy, for having the best child anyone could ever hoped for. 

Your friends, and even Sister E then sung "Lighters" for you. At times we almost couldn't understand what they were singing because they were obviously crying. The choir also sang along with them, even the crowd. And while they were singing, your photos were being projected in front.

After the service was the offering of flowers. People queued to offer flowers for you and perhaps also to see you for the last time. We were all sat in front and as people passed by they expressed their sorrow and offered their condolences to each of us. Still, Ate Glory played the violin and then the choir sung a few songs until everyone has offered their flowers.

And then it was time to walked you to your eternal resting place. It was and still is the most painful walk I have taken in my life. Your song was playing all along and the more I listened to the song, the closer I felt of losing you forever. There was a part of the song that really indicates that we were getting closer to your resting place. I think it is the chorus before "Royce Da 5'9". Even Ading Cxyrelle said that actually. It is the beat of the drum (if ever there is) I think.

When we got to your resting place, everyone started crying again, Inang and Mama being the loudest. Inang wanted to touch you for the last time, but they didn't allow her. Apart from the day I found out that you were gone, this was the most painful of all. I knew from that moment that I would never see you again. There, we have lost our beautiful Keith forever.

I can't believe that it has now been a year since we bid farewell to you anak. Time has flown so fast. But this doesn't mean that we will forget you, for we never will. You will always be in our hearts and we will be thinking about you everyday of our lives. We love you so very much as we have loved you all your life. Nothing will ever ever change, only that you are no longer here.


Mommy Tintin


Monday 4 February 2013

Your Last Night

04 February 2012- I was getting more and more emotional because I knew that we only had less than hour to be with you. When we have taken you to your resting place, that was it. We would never see you again. And the many people who came to join us for at least 7 days would soon disappear so the sadness that we would feel would be twice as much.

I stayed close by you the whole night. Apart from being embarrassed by the amount of people outside, I wanted to stay with you as much as I could because that was  our last night with you.

Your friends came earlier and left quite early too, but Aga stayed until about 2am. In fact he didn't want to go home, but we asked him to because his Dad was with him. 

Earlier that evening, there was also a mass. I was worried at first because I thought the amount of people present on your last night was not that much. But Inang and other people told me that that was already a lot of people. Maybe my expectations were just high that's why what was a lot for them, was not enough for me. But to be honest, inside our house, our backyard and outside (in the street) were full.

I don't think any of us actually slept that night. Even if we did, maybe only for an hour or two. 

We played your songs and your photos over and over again. It was getting more and more difficult and everyone was feeling it. The night went by quite fast. I didn't want it to end. I wanted you to stay a it longer, even if you were sleeping very peacefully. People were saying that you looked really happy because you looked like you were smiling. People were also saying that you were really handsome and most if not all of them, expressed their regrets of not meeting you personally and for going home to Jesus too early.  They said that you could have done more in life with your talents, your good looks and your good character. Everyone said you were "sayang".

When the last group of people left, it was Sunday at 6am and then we had to say good to you.

I miss you so much anak ko. Please remember that you're always in my mind. I love you.


Mommy Tintin


Sunday 3 February 2013

Two days before your send off

03 February 2012 -  A lot of people still came to see you. There was one thing that really touched my heart. Kids from different schools came to see you too. But there was this particular group of kids that really stood out for me. I saw their school's name on the record of people who have donated money and apparently this group of kids contributed their own money in order to give it to you. That was so sweet of them. Some kids stayed by your side for a long time, looking at you and your paintings. They came and went, a lot of kids. It was really overwhelming.

Some people suggested that we should change your shirt into a barong tagalog or something. But Mama said to leave you alone because she knew that you have chosen that shirt over the barong anyway. Besides you really didn't want to disturbed. You didn't like it when people try to make you change your clothes or anything like that. You wanted things to be simple. So we left you in your favourite white button down shirt.

If I am not mistaken, this was also the day that Inang showed me your hospital bill and some of the tests that you had. Inang wanted to know if you had the right tests and treatment. I was not ready to look at it properly so I just had a quick glance at the paper. You had a few tests, huh! I'm sure they did everything they could. There was no doubt about that.

It was two days before your sent off. It was so hard.......

*****

Last night I dreamt about you. YOu were playing with Papa and Ading Linus. You were wearing a sleeveless white t-shirt and your shorts. It felt so real. I was also able to speak to you and touch you briefly. But when I woke up, I couldn't remember the whole dream. But I know I saw you.

Missing you so much already. I love you anak.


Mommy Tintin


Saturday 2 February 2013

The music played

02 February 2012 - It was this day when your friends from Casa came to play the violin for you. I was glad to have met some of the kids, the teachers and of course Sir C. When they started playing, I couldn't help myself from crying because I felt so sad. I have never loved classical music as much until you learned how to play the violin. The sound of the violin is the most beautiful musical sound that I have ever heard. It is so emotional. While they were playing I imagined you. I felt so bad that I didn't see you play the violin at all. They played a few pieces, but what I enjoyed the most was your favourite piece, Canon. 

We were teasing Ading Linus. We asked him to bring out his violin and play with the group but he was embarrassed. I'm sure you were happy to see your friends play some music for you.

Because the group came quite early, not a lot of people watched them. It would have been nice if your friends from school heard them play. But never mind, what was important was that we were there and it was so beautiful to watch them. There was this kid that really impressed me. The way he was holding the violin was something. I thought that one day he would be a famous violinist. I found out later on that he was already famous.

The music they played were quite emotional. You couldn't listen to them and not cry. They were very good and while I was listening to them, I was glad that you went to that school to learn the violin.

I would have loved you to play the violin more, but your time was not enough. I knew you would have been very good. Nevertheless, you have made us proud for being the little musician that you were.

I love you so much anak and I miss you every single day.


Mommy Tintin

Friday 1 February 2013

The Ecumenical Service

Some people were saying that you were really inspiring because you were able to unite three of the biggest churches in our town- Roman Catholic, The Philippine Independent Church and United Methodist Church. Every night there was a mass at home. Either that or rosary and prayers. 

The day I met your friends, the rosary was led by Sister and that evening there was a service by the Methodist church. The support of your friends was actually overwhelming. Everyone wanted to be a part of your last days with us. Every night there were a lot of people. And if there was a mass or service, everyone participated too, even the bystanders.

I know it's always comforting to hear Songs of Praise and the words of God. But during that time, I felt more like they were just trying to make us feel better. Do you know what I mean? Because at that time, I wasn't sure if God truly loved us because if He did, I believed that He wouldn't have taken you away. And as much as I was overwhelmed by the presence of your friends and those who knew you, I was so jealous because I knew I wouldn't have you for long.

The mass and the services were very solemn. Pastor's sermon was very touching and somehow it reassured us a little bit. I know Pastor has been a great help to Mama since you left. I know that you also loved listening to Pastor's sermons because you've always asked Mama to attend the service at their church.


I miss you so much now baby. I love you.


Mommy Tintin


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