Nobody Knows

I have been thinking about you since I woke up this morning. I went for a run and there was this woman I was trying to compete with. I thought she was slower than me. When I was running beside her, your song "Lighters" came on and that put a smile on my face. Could you be telling me that I could do better than that woman? So anyway, I ran as fast as I could, smiling while listening to your song and I managed to run a few meters ahead of her. I thought that was a very good encouragement from you. I slowed down eventually because I wanted to finish your song before I get to the park gym, so she went past me. But it was okay, I thought it was a fair play. Thank you for that my "lighter" boy. You make everything seem so easy sometimes.

Well after that, the song Nobody Knows by Tony Rich Project got stuck in my head for some reason. I know I have mentioned this song to you before but I thought I'd share it with you again as this is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. It is obviously not written for angels like you, but I kind of like the lyrics.

I pretended I'm glad you went away

These four walls closing more everyday

And I'm dyin' inside

And nobody knows it but me

Like a clown I put on a show

The pain is real even if nobody knows

And I'm cryin' inside

And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say, the things I needed to say

How could I let my angel get away

Now my world is just a tumblin' down

I can say it so clearly, but you're nowhere around

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad

And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had

And I'm missin' you

And nobody know it but me

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two

And I'm nobody without someone like you

I'm tremblin' inside

And nobody knows it but me

I lie awake it's a quarter past three

I'm screamin' at night if I thought you'd hear me

Yeah, my heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get, you could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be lovin' you still
The nights are lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

Sometimes it's really difficult to tell anybody about how I feel. Some people may find it tedious to hear my stories about you over and over again, but I'm sure they don't know how it's like to lose a beautiful son. Your passing may have been a gift though, in such a way that I have become more compassionate and more willing to listen to other people. I don't know but I feel like I was given something that I never had before, and that's all because of you.

Please don't forget that you're always in my mind. I miss you more each day. I love you Pochongchong.

Mommy Tintin