I am not sure if we really meant to laugh about it or feel sorry about the whole thing. But you know very well how Tatang is like when he is drunk. As far as I know, these are those times when you wished you didn't live with him. And I know for a fact that you didn't like Tatang the most when he was drunk. I for one don't understand what pushed him to drink like the way he does these days. He never used to be like that. The only reason that I could think of is money. At the end of the day, it's all about the money, and it's my fault because I am not capable of giving him everything that he wants. And this is the reason why he is drinking a lot and this is also the same reason why he gets angry at everyone in the house. I only wish I had more money so I can give them everything they want. Perhaps when I die, they will be happier because then they will get the money from my life insurance.I thought he would change after you left, but he seems worse. I am losing hope in trying to make him change for the better. Actually I have completely given up. Papa and I have spoken to him numerous times, but seems like everything we tell him only goes out in the other ear. I would like to think that he is an alcoholic, but I don't think he is. Sometimes I want to blame the people who invite him to drink. But then at the end of the day, Tatang is an adult so he should know when to say no really. I don't know what else to do. This situation in the house is definitely not helping anyone of us cope with your passing. If anything it's just making it worse. I don't even know where or whom I am drawing my strength nowadays. All I know is that I started reading the Bible hoping and praying that somehow it will help me get through everything.
Anyway, here's the story. Mama wanted me to hear it from your Adings but Papa has told me all about it. I know this is not something that anyone of us should be proud of, but I am hoping that someone who knows Tatang will read my letter to you and will tell him about it so he would be ashamed of himself and hopefully change for the better. So, he was drunk last night. And after someone has already taken him home, he went back to the farm and on his way, fell in the manhole. Lola Josie saw what happened and because he was there face down for a while, Lola Josie panicked and she ran into our house screaming. Obviously, everyone in the neighbourhood heard her scream and everyone went out thinking that something really, really bad happened to Tatang. It turned out that he was "quite" fine in the end. They managed to help him get out of the hole and walked him home. He had blood on his face apparently but no one wanted to go near him because he was angry and swearing so they left him for now. I really don't know what to say. I just hope that he will be okay. This is as shameful as it can be. I don't know why Tatang turned out this way, just as when Papa and I are both grown-ups and are able to stand on our own feet and just as when he has grandchildren.
Tatang and Inang brought up Papa and I really well. He should really be proud of us, and we should be proud of him too. But with what he's doing now, I can't even think of anything to say. He has always told us to protect our dignity and not to do anything that will put our family into shame, but look what he's doing now! It breaks my heart whenever I hear stories like this because this is not the family I grew up with. I don't know what went wrong. I just don't get it.
I am so sorry anak for telling you all about this. I shouldn't really be bothering you about my problems anymore. But I know you're always there to listen and writing to you actually makes me feel better. I just wish things are the way they used to be. I just want you to please pray for Tatang. I love you very much anak and I am missing you very much.
Mommy Tintin
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