So today is All Saint's Day in the Philippines and as a tradition, those who have lost a loved one or two would go to the cemetery to light a candle and offer some flowers for their departed ones. When I was back home, I never missed a single visit to our grandparents and Tito Ryan. I was there every year, lighting a candle for them. Since you left though, I started to dread the coming of this day.
Last year, when you went to the cemetery, you took some photos before you left the house and then when you got there. I don't know if this was the first time that Mama took a photo of you because I remember you really don't normally stay there long.
These photos are the most important to me as they were taken only two months before you left us. This is how I will remember you.
It breaks my heart to even remember this photo. I cry whenever I look at it or even if it just comes across my mind. It is so painful for me to see this but I still look at it because I have to be strong. And by doing these things, I am hoping that I will find closure somehow.
I wonder what you had in mind when you were lighting up the candle for Ina Lapaz and Ama Berto. Did you know then that you were going to join them soon? Did you tell them to wait for you at the gate of heaven? Oh how I wish I know what you were thinking at that time. It is just so weird that Mama took this photo of you. You look so peaceful and happy in this photo.
Fast forward November 1, 2012 and here we are.
It's really hard for me to think that this is actually happening a year after the photo above. Never ever imagined it. I don't even know what to say. One day you were lighting a candle for our grandparents, the next we were lighting one for you. How worse could things possibly be? I just wish things never happened the way they did.
Although I was dreading this day, I still took a day off so I could ring Mama and make sure that I was with her and our family at this difficult time. They were there I think as early as 630am. Tito Roman was in charge of the flowers and all the arrangements, as you can see. Your bestfriend Aga, Ate Celine and Auntie Nitz were there early too. They stayed until late afternoon. They just left when I called Mama again. But Aga and Ate Celine wanted to stay longer. Its a shame they don't live very close. As you can see on the photos above, Mama is talking on the phone. She was talking to me. I am really glad that this photo was taken because at least even if I was not there physically, I was still there with them. I was also on the phone when Tito Roman was praying for you. And I am very happy because some of your friends dropped by too. Anthony was the earliest, then Christelle and Her Jae. Tito JL came for lunch because he had to wait for Tito Nonong to come home. It's good because the most important people in your life were there to remember you today. I could not ask for more. Inang was there most of the day too, but when I called she went home for a bit.
I hope you're happy with what they have done for you today. I know you don't want us to make a big fuss about anything for you, but you are special so please get used to us giving you special attention, okay? Nothing has changed really. We were the same to you when you were still with us. The only difference now is you're not here to object. :)
I have already cried buckets this morning so I am hoping I will not cry anymore today. I miss you so much anak. You know how much I love you, right?
By the way, do you celebrate this day with all the angels and saints in heaven?Just asking.
Mommy Tintin
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