Mafi

I met this guy named Mafi this afternoon at the store around the corner. I don't normally chat with people that long but for some reason today, I felt chatting so I started a conversation with Mafi. I noticed that he was sniffing and coughing so I asked him if he was ill. He said he has a cold and that his voice is going away too. I told him I know how it feels as I have just been there. But there was apparently more than his cold, he said he has been crying since yesterday. At first I thought he was joking because you know, he's a man and man apparently don't cry. But he was serious and told me that he lost his father yesterday. I was speechless for a few seconds. I just didn't know what to say. So I said sorry and offered my condolences. I was surprised as he is at work when his father has just passed away. I figured out that his father was actually in Bangladesh and he was not able to go home. My heart broke all over again. He hasn't seen his father for seven years. And before he died, he was speaking to him on the phone. He said he was fine. His father was asthmatic, but then again he has been for a while so he thought he was fine. Thirty minutes after their conversation, he received a phone call from Bangladesh saying that his father has just passed away. This is just so sad.

Reflecting on his situation, I am still lucky that I was able to go home when you left. I asked Mafi why he didn't go home and he told me that they bury their dead straight away, unlike us. Besides he said, he didn't have the money to go home. I felt so bad hearing this because Daddy Don is right, in any situation, it can get worse. I am still lucky because when you left I had the money. Daddy and I were saving the money to buy a house. Few months before they took you, we were thinking of buying the house before 2011 ended. But for some reason, we couldn't make up our minds. Maybe because God knows I was going to need the money for something else. So really, things happen for a reason.

It's funny how God "distribute" burdens. No, it's not really funny. But you see, He took you at a very young age when I could have spent my lifetime with you. You were my only son. I saw you a year before you left. I was able to give you the best sent off I could possibly give you. I don't know much about Mafi and his father. But for him, he has not seen his father for seven years and he didn't even see him before they buried him. Thinking about all this reminds me of my friend who lost her daughter about three years ago. Just like Mafi, she hasn't seen her for years. And when the daughter died, she was not able to go home either because she couldn't for legal reasons. Until the last time I spoke to her over dimsum, she still hasn't grieved. I probably would have gone crazy if I was not able to see you. It's painful enough to accept that you're gone, what more if I was not able to see your face even for the last time? I can't even imagine it. It's just too much.

I really have to reflect on these situations as I often ask so many questions and complain a lot about losing you at a young age. I tend to forget that there are certainly other people out there who are or were in worse situation than I was with you. A loss is a loss no matter how you put it. The thing is, every person is put in different situation. God only knows why He does this. It would be interesting to know.

At the end of the day, I think I am still more blessed. I am not sure. I don't know really. Sometimes I would like to think so. I am still hoping that better things will come our way after what happened to you. Sadness should be bound to be replaced by happiness. But as I said, I don't know.

All I know is that I have lost a gem, the best child any mother could ever have. I love you to bits and I am missing you so much. I hope that one day in your new world, you will meet Mafi's father. We always say small world on earth whenever we meet a familiar face, so maybe you can say the same in your world too.

Mommy Tintin