The smell of candles and flowers

I was skyping with my sister-from-another-mother the day before yesterday and she asked if I you have visited me, as in if I have felt you at all since you left. I told her I only have dreamt about you three or four times, but that was just it. Then she told me that the day Tito Ryan went home to Jesus, she had some experiences with Tito being around her- like swinging mirrors and flickering lights. I am not sure if this was real, but then again she told me that another lady who used to live with us in the same room also had the same experience, so maybe it was true.

Anyway, although I have not experienced such things I would like to believe that you have visited me at least a couple of times, besides in my dreams. Although I know you will never do the same things that Tito Ryan allegedly did, I felt you somehow. Maybe you will say Mommy is crazy. Knowing you, you were very shy and you wouldn't necessary approach anybody unless they speak to you first.

So then, one day or two in fact, I was missing you terribly. Then I decided to look at your photos on Mama's facebook. I was crying then all of a sudden I started smelling a burning candle and some flower scent. I thought I was daydreaming, but the smell didn't go away. Yes we have candles at home, but it was quite early in the morning and I don't usually light the candles unless Daddy's cooking. The smell lingered for a few minutes and then it went. The same thing happened the second time around. So I know that you probably did visit me somehow.

I told Inang about it earlier but she wouldn't believe me. She said it was just in my mind because I keep thinking about you. She belives that you are not capable of doing anything like that because it's not like you to disturb or scare others. Not that you would scare me if you come visit me, but perhaps she meant that you will be too embarrassed to disturb me.

But honestly anak, I won't mind if you come and visit me. I actually want to speak to you and ask you how it's like on the other side. I also have a few questions to ask. I want to know what exactly happened on that day that you left us. I want to know if you have met Ate Maningning, Tito Ryan, Paolo and Natasha. I want you to tell me if you are able to paint there and play the violin. And oh, I want to know what Jesus looks like and if Angels really have wings. You know, I just want to chat with you like old times.

How I wish we can do that one day, even if it's just in my dreams. I am missing you so so much. I keep longing to touch you and to hug you and to kiss you again. Oh baby ko, I wish you were here.

I love you so much.

Mommy Tintin