Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo

You know very well that I doubted a lot of things after you left -God, my faith, heaven, soul etc. Sometimes I try not to follow my heart because I know it's wrong to question God and not to trust Him. But the fact that you were taken away from us overrides whatever rational thoughts I have. My mind always reassures me that God loves me, but my heart says otherwise. Perhaps because the pain remains so strong. Eight months on and I am still looking for answers and things that hopefully will help me move on completely from your passing. Yes, maybe I can say I am now okay, but I know I can still do better. My holiday in New York kind of helped divert my attention,but not completely as I thought and talked about you a lot while I was there. But this time, I did well in holding back my tears. It hurts to recollect those moments when God decided to take you, but I guess I have learned how to gain composure whenever I am at the verge of breaking down in front of other people.

So, while Daddy and I were at JFK wandering inside a shop, my attention was caught by a book entitled "Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo". It was on the non-fiction shelf so I was sure it was a true story. I didn't buy the book then because I wanted it on my kindle, so I bought it as soon as I got home. Basically, it's a story of a 4 your year old boy who became very ill and traveled to heaven and back. I have heard similar stories before and believed them, but kind of lost that faith when you left. But reading the book made me reconsider things and reflect on my faith. Perhaps, there is really heaven. The way the boy described heaven, the angels, Jesus and other people who live there kind of relates to Inang's and Papa's dreams about you. He said that he sat on Jesus's lap, described everyone he saw as wearing white with sash and have wings, that there were a lot of children and that heaven is always bright (it never gets dark). He also mentioned that he saw his miscarried sister and his great grandad, both whom he obviously never met. It reminded of Auntie Joy's dream about you, accompanied by an old woman and a man. Now it kind of make sense. Maybe that was really Ina Lapaz and the man was Tito Ryan. Todd the author and Colton's Dad supported his story with verses from the Bible which made it more realistic. This made me realize that maybe I should read the Bible again in order to understand things better.

There was a part of the book when he said he saw his dad in a room praying to God and his Mom on the phone talking to people. Am I right to say that you also saw Mama, Uncle Junjun and Tito JL at the hospital while the doctors and the nurses were trying to save you? Did you actually hug Mama when you saw her crying uncontrollably because she knew she was losing you? And did you see me too? What did you do before you went up to heaven? Did you kiss us goodbye? How I wish  you can tell me the answers.

Somehow reading the book comforted me, because I can feel that the boy's story is real. I mean how can a four year old possibly invent such a detailed story, right? I still need a little more convincing that there is indeed heaven. I know you're there, but I am very confused at the moment that I don't know what to believe. For the meantime, I am going to live with the truth that a boy saw heaven and it's real.

http://heavenisforreal.net/book/

How I wish you just did what little Colton did- went to heaven for a bit then came back. :(

Whatever His reason is for taking you, I know it's good. Just want to say that I love you with all my heart and you never leave my mind. I always think about you and I miss you all the time. 

Mommy Tintin