Your last weekend

This was your last weekend with the family, and I feel so low because my mind is also pre-occupied with some stuff that are really disappointing. If only I could speak my mind out loud, I would scream and tell the world exactly how I feel. I don't know what else I can do for this person to realize that what he's doing is not helping anyone at all. I don't know why there are people like that in this world. Just as when you thought they will have a little remorse because of what happened to you, they seem to be making things worse.

As much as I would like to say something, I need to protect the people that I care about. It's really hard because I feel helpless. I am so far away. What does it really take for someone to have a change of heart? Is losing you not enough for someone to realize that life is too short and instead of giving everyone heartaches, that they should just show them they care? Not even that, perhaps respect would actually be better. 

I am having chest pains thinking about all theses things. As much as I don't really want to think about it because I am already fed up, I can't just leave the people that matters to me. If only it's easy to just forget about everybody and just think of myself, I would have done it ages ago.

I am so sorry anak. I know I shouldn't be telling you all about this because I know that you're already peaceful wherever you are, but I don't think I have anyone to talk to about this right now. There are a lot of things going on in my head and if I start talking to other people, I may say something that I may regret in the end. For now, talking to you is my best therapy because I know you're listening to me.

I am trying to keep the faith that things will somehow get better. I am not sure what God wants me to do, but sometimes I feel like losing it. I don't know if I should keep believing. 

I'm sure you know what's inside my heart, and I know you're doing something about what I am going through. You don't really have to anak. I'm sure I'll be fine, and so will everyone else. I just need you to watch over us.

I love you very much and missing you more each day.

Mommy Tintin