The Painting

I hung out with a friend last night and she mentioned that she may have dreamt about you. She was not entirely sure but according to her, you were the only boy she knew who could paint. Apparently in her dream, a boy handed a painting to her and the boy said, "please give it to her". She described the painting as Van Gogh-ish. She thought Van Gogh was your favourite painter but I told her it was Monet. 

I know I was trying to introduce Van Gogh to you. Remember I asked you to paint the sunflower and the "starry, starry night" for me? You didn't copy exactly the same thing because you didn't like the idea of copying paintings. You always changed how they looked and made it your own.

My friend was eventually convinced that the boy in her dream was probably you. She told her mom about it and her mom apparently offered eggs for you and for me. I thought that was so sweet of them.

So if the boy was you then at least you spoke. 

I miss you so much already. I wish you could come back. Mommy loves you.

Mommy Tintin

You probably would have been a priest

When you were in either first or second grade, your teacher asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up. You answered, "to be a fireman or policeman". I would have loved you to have said "a lawyer or a doctor", only because we were made to believe that these people ear more money than firemen or policemen. I was actually surprised you didn't say "train driver" because you were fascinated by trains. Papa even used to take you to Manila just so you could ride the train.

But as you grew older, Mama noticed a lot of changes in your aspirations. Your interests have become more art and music oriented. But even then, you never really mentioned that you wanted to be a full pledged artist or a musician (not to me anyway). Although saying that, you considered going to high school in Mt. Makiling.

Then you got into reading the Bible and prayer books. You prayed the rosary more often than anyone I know. You turned into this very religious young boy. Mama told me that when she noticed you reading the Bible and praying a lot, she wondered whether you wanted to be a priest. And when she asked you, you just simply smiled. I remember when I was telling my friend about you. She said that if you were still here, you would have been a "prophet" when you grew up. But then she said, people who don't have the "faith" may not have believed in you because they wouldn't understand that you were sent on earth with that purpose. Perhaps this is also the reason why God has taken you away, so that you will not have to go through scorning from unbelievers.

Inang's dream keeps popping in my head. Tito JL told me that they made you a Sto. Nino. And my friend also told me that you looked like Sto. Nino anyway. I am not sure, but somehow at the back of my head I am thinking that maybe there was something religious in you. Only if someone can definitely tell us what your real purpose on earth was. But for the meantime, I will just have to keep finding out about that purpose.

I miss and love you so much.

Mommy Tintin

Our Lifetime Wish

If we could have a lifetime wish

A dream that would come true,

We'd pray to God with all our hearts

For yesterday and You.

A thousand words can't bring you back

We know because we've tried...

Neither will a thousand tears

We know because we've cried...

You left behind our broken hearts

And happy memories too...

But we never wanted memories

We only wanted You.

- Author Unknown

I am missing you so much tonight anak. How I wish you could have stayed longer with us. I love you so much.

Mommy Tintin

Mama and Your Adings's first day at school

I sent Mama a message earlier on because I wanted to find out how their first day at school was. Mama said your Adings were okay but Mama of course missed you even more. She said it is totally different now because before there were four of you going to school together and now there's just the three of them. I know this times are the hardest times for all of us especially Mama. Your Adings apparently keep talking about you. They obviously miss you especially when they're doing homework because you used to do it with them. And most importantly, you used to teach your Adings on their home works.

It must be really hard for Mama not to think about you whenever they go to school. I remember her telling me that she used to wake you up first. She used to call you from the stairs. I know school only started yesterday, but maybe they have already been late going to school because Mama told me that she misses you more when they're late because you were the one who used to remind her that you were already late. And this is because you always wanted to be on time for school.

Whilst I am writing this I am trying to imagine you and your Adings going to school together because I don't have any recollection of those days. I know I went home in November one time but sadly I can't remember any of it. I can picture you as happy kids, always excited for school. In fact I remember now, you have a group photo in your school uniforms with Ate Bianca.

How I wish I could see more of this.

I am just missing you so much. I will never get tired of telling you how much I love you, as much as I did when you were with us.

Mommy Tintin

The meaning of Inang's dream

And so I have asked my religious friend what she thinks of Inang's dream. First of all, she said she is happy for Inang because not eveyrone is lucky to have such a meaningful dream. I don't know but my friend has always told me that I have the gift of dreams. I may have this gift but she definitely has the power of interpreting dreams. She has always claimed that her faith makes her see things differently and she's maybe right. Because while I was listening to her, Inang's dream became clearer to me.

And here's what she thinks of Inang's dream:

1. Closed doors and windows- a closed setting and not everyone is allowed inside. Remember when they shut the door behind Inang? My friend said that Inang shouldn't have been inside and that she didn't belong there because "it is not her time yet". And the same can be said when the old man ignored her. Apparently he was not happy for Inang to be inside the house or room and questioning her why she was there.

2. People in White - means sanctification, heaven....

3. The Ritual (you lying on top of a bed covered with white sheets) - Sounds like it's their way of offering you to God and it's a sign of pureness and holiness. The bed you were on represents an "altar". While she was telling me all this, I was like imagining you in a film or something.

4. The Wings - Apparently the lady in white was trying to explain what they were doing to Inang in "human" language, because Inang wouldn't have understood what was going on if the lady talked the way they do in heaven. Wings basically represents an Angel.

5. Being dressed like a prince - only means that they have prepared you to go home to God.

6. The Gold colour (of your outfit) -  Gold signifies something precious and it only means that you are different from others and that you are special.

She told me that we should get over the pain of losing you because she believes that you would come back and eventually start talking to us. She strongly believes that you were different from all of us and that you had and still have messages to tell us. And the only way we can let you speak to us is if we just rejoice on the fact that you are now in heaven and that you were not one of us. I don't know what she exactly means by that but I am hoping that she's right.

Ah, I can't wait for the day that you would finally start talking to us. I hope it will be very soon. I miss you anak. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

School starts tomorrow

..and you would have been on sixth grade. My heart is breaking as I was looking forward to your grade school graduation so I could finally take you here for vacation. I know you said before that I kept saying that but nothing was happening. Only because I had a better plan for you. I know you understand naman anak.

I spoke to some of your friends a few days ago and they're excited for school to start. You probably would have been excited also. I am not sure what your section is called now, but Rang-Ay will forever be in my heart because that was the last section you were in.  So here's Rang-Ay 14 forever:

The Boys:

The Girls

And then there was you....

I am really glad Teacher Jeff took these pictures of you and your friends. I will forever treasure this in my heart. This reminds me a letter your friends wrote for you on your send off. They wanted you to take the letters when you went but I decided to keep them so I can read it and probably share it on my letters to you.

I love you anakkong. Missing you so much.

Mommy Tintin

Mommy is Hopeful again

Remember the big decision that I told you about a few weeks ago anak? Well, I am glad I didn't look back. I am starting to see a positive outcome from that decision and I am really glad I didn't think twice about going for it. Whatever happens next is just going to be a bonus now as I think I already got what I have originally asked for. But if God decides to give me more, then even better.


So how are you anak? You haven't visited me in a while and I am missing you loads already. I have been off for a week and I never really dreamed about you. Visit me soon okay? I am really missing you.


I have not much to say at the moment anak because I got home quite late and I am tired. I will just have to leave you with this poem because I know you are my hope...


Angel of Hope


An angel to guide you through your toughest day
An angel to wash all your rears away
An angel to firmly hold your hand
An angel to talk to, someone to understand
An angel to comfort you through a hard time
An angel to give you hope that everything will be fine
An angel to show you the strength to cope
An angel so beautiful, an angel called Hope.


- Susan Brealey




Keith anak, please do remember that Mommy loves you no matter what. I miss you so much balong.




Mommy Tintin