You live through your Adings

They finally heard the sound of the violin at home a few days ago. It has been almost two years since they heard you last play the instrument. It also took your Adings that long to finally pick up those instruments and play with them.

I am happy at the same time sad to see your Adings do what you loved doing. It would always been better if the three of you played those instruments. But I am happy still because you remain your Adings' inspiration. It's just that I always wish you were here, too.

Ading Linus plays the violin and the lyre.

Ading Cyrelle now plays the violin and she's enjoying it.

Ading Cxyrelle has always been into arts, but now she is an official art student at Casa San Miguel. And here are her first art works.

I know you are very proud of your Adings. I remember Ading Cxyrelle saying that you taught her how to mix colours. And Ading Linus of course, you taught him how to play the violin.

As much as I am very happy to see him enjoying what you used to enjoy, it hurts me so bad that you're not here to share it with them.

You are deeply missed every single day. I wish you can visit us again soon.

We love you so much Keith. YOu will forever be in our hearts.

Mommy Tintin

Guess what?

You probably already knew that Papa used to join poster making contests when he was younger. I have always known that he could draw very well. He actually also did some letterings as well. But you know, he really didn't pursue any of those talents. In fact when he became good at playing chess, he seemed to have forgotten his "talents". 

I was actually surprised when he started posting some of recent works. To be fair, he hasn't held a charcoal perhaps in more or less than 20 years. And all of a sudden he comes out with beautiful pieces. Inang told me that Papa wanted to follow your footsteps also. Funny, right? That your Papa is the one following your footsteps. I can see you smiling up there right now. You are probably also surprised. It's just a shame that you're no longer to look at Papa's work. Now I am wondering why he didn't do all this when you were here. He didn't even drew or painted with you I think. But, I think there is a purpose. Because then even if you are not here, your Papa and your Adings will continue what you have started.

I am just so happy to see Papa do what he used to love doing. It's just a shame you're not sure to enjoy it with him. I am sure you're in his thoughts when he's working.

Mama

 Ading Cxyrelle

This is what surprised me the post. I didn't know Papa can paint. He only ever used water colours and coloured pens. Hehe. But look, looks familiar, right? You are indeed his inspirations.

Hayyy Keith, I don't really know why you had to go. Things would have been better and far more enjoyable with you around. But hey....

I am missing you so much. It's almost two years now but the feeling is still the same.  You are greatly missed my Pochongchong. Mommy loves you so very much.

Mommy Tintin

Your second birthday in heaven

Today was entirely different from last year. Although I cried so much last night and this morning looking at your photos and remembering your previous birthdays, somehow throughout the day you made my day so much lighter.

I was woken up by your song "Lighters" because it's  my alarm music. Although today is not the official K Lighter Day, I still did the things that I know would make you happy. So I started your birthday by listening to your favourite song and then reading a bit of the Bible. Then Daddy and I went to St. Paul's cathedral to light  a candle and say a little prayer for you. Of course we brought Meowmeow too. Daddy and I were both wearing blue shirts.

Daddy had to watch football with a friend so I met up with my other friends for a bit. We had merienda at Lakwatsa in Notting Hill. They were wearing white and blue in your memory. Even the baby, Ellis was wearing your colours too. I was so touched by their gesture.

Daddy joined us afterwards and we headed to dinner that my other friends organized for you. Originally, I wanted the day to just be an ordinary day. Our plan was just  to go church and then have a picnic. But one of my friends suggested that we should do something. It ended up that there was more into what I already knew.

So we got to the restaurant and my friends' cameras were on us. I didn't realize that this was a surprise birthday party for you. They had Happy Birthday decorations and also had a cake for you. Since you were not here to blow the candle, Meowmeow and I had to do it for you.

Then they also had Chinese lanterns. We tried to light it up but because it was so windy, it didn't work.

Meanwhile back home, your friends spent almost all day at home. It's amazing how they've grown so fast. I am just so glad that they've kept the tradition of spending your birthday at home even if you're no longer with us.

Happy Birthday anak. I'm sure you're having a good one up above. We missed you so much today. We will never stop loving you.

Mommy Tintin

 

Update on your friends

So, I told you that your friends went back to school this week. I was not expecting that somehow, they will think of you. But your friend Xyryl posting something on her facebook that really warmed my heart. That was really unexpected. You have no idea how much it made me happy. However, it also made me sad at the same time knowing that you were not there with them. This is what she said:

"Iona Frederick Her Jae Ed Anthony Christelle Justin Joseph guys kung sakali lng ha kung sakali lng nmn kung buhay pa rin si keith hanggang ngayon tingin nyo magiging mas msya gr.7 nten ?  tingin nyo mas msya ang bawat araw na pumapasok tyu? at anung section sya cguro pag aagawn pa ata ee pero sna naabutan nya yung gr. 7 noh — feeling bad."

How sweet was that? I am just really happy that somehow you're still a part of them. Then she also posted this:

"yeeeeeeees wlaaaaaaaaang pasooooooook pero sna ksama n lng nten si keith sa librehan mmya — feeling sad."

I'm sure your friends miss you.

And then Mama told me that Aga is now studying at the Regional Science. I know you are proud of him. You both wanted to study there. I'm sure Aga did that for the both of you.

And also, Megan was able to make it at the International MTG. She will be competing in SIngapore in August.

See, you're friends are definitely pursuing those dreams that you once shared with them.

It is really heartwarming to know that this is all happening. Thank you anak for looking over your friends.

I love and miss you so much.

Mommy Tintin

Ading is 10

Today is Ading Lye's 10th birthday. I called to greet him on my way to work. He said he didn't want a cake, so I think they only had a simple celebration at home with some of our neighbours. Mama said that Ading wants to do a lot of thing but he can't because he always thinks about you. Everything that he wants to do reminds him of you. I think things are still difficult for Ading. In time I'm sure he will be able to continue what you both have started.

Anyway, here's Ading's handa for his birthday:

I'm sure your Adings miss you so much and you miss them too. This is Ading's second birthday without you. We can only wish you were here.

You are deeply missed. We love you very very much.

Mommy Tintin

Chasing Our Dreams

I only realized now that I have not written to you for almost a month now. I am so sorry anak. I have no other reason than being tired and busy. But as I always say, that doesn't mean that I don't think about you because I always do no matter where I am, no matter what I do. You are constantly in my mind.

Well anak, I have a good news for you. I know we still have a lot to go through but I think I may have found a way to raise money for your charity. I found this website where people can donate money and I registered. So far, two people have donated. Unfortunately, I will need 5000 pounds in order to register a charity in the UK. But I am in no rush. I will take this one day at a time. I know it will never be easy, unless of course I had the money. So for now, I am holding on and hoping that there will be people out there who will join me in this journey.

Here is how your site looks like:

And here is the link: http://www.gofundme.com/2q7hgg

Even though I have posted it on both my page and your memorial page, our friends and family apparently have not fully engaged themselves in this. But I know one day, your dream, our dream will come true. We will be able to send least fortunate talented kids to art and music school.

I am sure you will ask Papa Jesus to help me with this endeavor. I love you so much Keith. I miss you so so much already. Wish you were here.

Mommy Tintin

Your Adings' Awards

It was only yesterday and today that I was able to speak to our family properly as everyone has been very busy. It was also only then I heard about what happened at your Adings' moving up program.

They are both not in the honour roll, but it's okay. It really doesn't matter to us. The most important thing is that your Adings know that they didn't work hard to make it to the honour roll. They are both humble enough to accept that. Both of them said that they can do it, but they need to try harder next time. I so admire your Adings for that.

So, both of them bagged the Best in Music and Arts awards. I am so proud of them. I know somehow, they will keep your legacy. Afterall, you all started at the same time. And whether they say it or not, you are their inspiration. I know one day, Ading Lye and Ading Cye will continue what you have started. They just need time.

On top of that, Ading Linus also got the Best in PE and Editorial Cartooning awards. Isn't obvious that Ading is following on your footsteps in Music, Art and Editorial Cartooning? I hope he continues to excel in those areas. Although I think he is still finding his core. He likes to try on a lot of things, mostly in sports. But whatever he chooses, we will support him all the way.

I'm sure you are very proud of your Adings. When Mama and Ading Cye visited your new house on earth, she brought her medals with her to show you. According to Mama, she was bragging about it. She apparently said, "Kuya, I have two medals- Best in Music and Best in Art. Kya Lye only had one, Best in PE". Haha. I'm sure you were laughing when you heard her say that. You know how Ading Cye is like sometimes. Mama corrected her of course. And then Ading laugh.

I am very happy that your Adings are using you as their inspiration and that they share their successes with you. I hope they will never change.

Well, what else? We miss you so so much. We always wish you were here. Our love for you will never end.

Please watch over us, especially your Adings anak. We love you.

Mommy Tintin 

I did it again!

So, I ran my first ever half marathon last Sunday for you. I must admit that it was the most difficult run that I have done so far. It was very cold. But I wanted you to be proud of me so I endured the cold to finish my run in 2 hours and 30 minutes. It's funny how you make me feel like you were with me. I was becoming impatient because I felt like I have ran 10km when in fact, I have only ran 5k. I hate it that they actually put how many km have you ran. It doesn't  help me at all.

Anyway, at 16km I was feeling really tired and I already wanted to walk, but then your favourite song "Lighters" came on. I always get embarrassed whenever I want to give up and this happens because I know that you're telling me not to give up because you believe I can do it. So I carried on until the last kilometer when your song came on again. Ha, maybe you were telling me this time that you were proud of me. I don't know but whenever I am running, your song always comes on when I am ready to give up. That's your little trick on me and it always works.

So anak, my first ever half marathon was for you.

 

I love you and I miss you so much baby.

Mommy Tintin

 

Taking the extra mile for you

We're now in Holland for the Hague half marathon. It is my first half marathon and it's your Daddy's third. The weather in England has been really bad lately so we really didn't train as much as we should. I only ran 20k once and I think it was not that bad. After the run, I felt like I could have ran more. The only thing is, I killed my left middle too. It is now black. It was painful at first, but the pain is completely gone now.

So tomorrow is the day and it's raining in the Netherlands. Daddy and I are quite worried as we really never ran in the rain before. I am most worried of the cold really because I am not very good with it. Besides, I left my jacket in London. In fact I left a lot of my running stuff because I didn't have much time to pack, so all was done in a rush. Even Daddy forgot his gloves. So I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. But I am confident that Father God will guide us and of course, you will be there to look over us too.

I feel bad because I am not able to sponsor Casa San Miguel. It is the only charity that I want to help at the moment because I want to help kids who are talented yet can't afford to go to art and music school to hone their talents. I want to keep your legacy that way. But I am not losing hope. One day I know I will be able to help Casa San Miguel in my own way. I just need some time.

Thank you for the inspiration anak. If it were not for you, I wouldn't have gone the extra mile to prove to myself that I can do anything. You are the only reason why I am doing these things. You are my inspiration.

Ah, I miss writing to you. But even if I don't, believe it or not, you are constantly in my thoughts. I miss you so much.

I love you baby.

Mommy Tintin

It's still on!

I thought that your painting exhibit has ended but apparently not. One of my friends sent me photos of the exhibit. Just to let you know anak that a lot of people have been to see your paintings. Someone that Mama knows told her that on opening day, there were a number of people looking at your paintings and they were amazed at how good you were. I'm sure they didn't know that you no longer are here to celebrate that success. In fact, I thought that it would have actually been better if they wrote something about the paintings. It would have been more meaningful. But anyway, I am happy and proud enough that a lot of people are able to see your beautiful paintings.

And oh, I forgot to tell you, they also did a small tribute for you on their culminating event. I think Sir C made a speech about you or something and then the students played the violin. Everyone was there. I'm glad that Mama, Papa and your Adings were able to attend. Remember they were in Ilocos? But they went home early so they were able to watch the tribute.

I'm sure this is only the beginning of more exhibits for you. I know because one day, I will be the one organising it. I am holding on to that dream and with God's help I know one day it will happen.

Please continue to watch over us. I love you so much Pochongchong. Mommy misses you more than you know. I need a hug from you badly.

Mommy Tintin

Their trip to Ilocos and Baguio

I know how much you wanted to go home to Ilocos before you left. You kept nagging Mama about it. If we only knew that you were leaving soon, then you would have gone to see your grandparents and cousins. But anyway....

A year after, your Mama, Papa and Adings finally were able to go back to Ilocos and also visit Baguio. I am so sorry anak for this didn't happen when you were still here. I know you really wanted to visit Baguio. I'm so sorry.

Seems like your Adings had fun in Baguio. In fact, Ading Linus apparently told Papa that he wants to study high school there. When Papa asked him if he can do it, he said yes he can! Now, that's one thing that we should really have to think about. 

Yes, Ading Linus learned how to drive the scooter in Ilocos. It's a shame you didn't get to experience this. Remember you could already drive a tricycle before you left? I'm sure you would have enjoyed driving a scooter.

We miss you more in times like this you know. We wish you were here. 

I love you.

Mommy Tintin

Harbor Point Exhibit

First of all, thank you for always being our little "Lighter". You really know when to make us feel better. Few days before your first angelversary, Mama was approached by Casa regarding your paintings. They borrowed ten of them. Five of them remained in Casa, while the other five were exhibited in Harbor Point, Subic. Thank you for sharing your talents to many people anak. Your legacy lives in your work. It is our honour for your paintings to be included in that exhibit. We are so proud of you!

I love and miss you so much.


Mommy Tintin
        

January 28 is K Lighter Day

I have been thinking whether to have both your angel birthday and angelversary as K Lighter Days. However, I also thought that it may be too much for our friends and family to do what I have asked them to do, so I had to choose between your angel birthday and your angelversay. Since January 28 will remain the saddest day of my life, I decided to make it officially the K Lighter Day. My aim is to basically turn that sad day lighter as you would want it to be. What do you think? Don't worry because every beautiful day is a K Lighter Day. I also just want to have an official day, so there you go.

Last January 28, I asked our family and friends to make the day a K Lighter Day again just like what we did on your first angel birthday. I want to share what my friends have done for you. I am really grateful that some people never get tired of helping me remember you.

I met Michelle online via the Grieving Mothers. It' really such an honour for me that she actually participated on our K Lighter Day.

From my ever loyal and very good friend Mila and my ever supportive "virtual" friend Sarah. Sarah and I met over a a crazy sale on www.net-a-porter.com. It all started with my comment on not getting an Alexander Mc Queen bag. We have been in touch regularly since.

Ate Leng as you know is one of my good friends and she has always been there for me. And Emma is a friend from University, whom despite the distance and lack of communication, she remains to be so thoughtful.

I think you have met Alma before. perhaps when you were a baby. She is a good friend from high school.

This is from Tita Gara. Although I have only met her once in person, I know we have that special bond. And since then, I felt like she has been in my life for a long time.

And this is what I have done for you. I read the Bible, lit a candle, wore blue and played your song as soon as 12 midnight struck.

This is just to remind you that you are not forgotten. I will always be thankful that God has given me a boy who can make a dreadful day a K Lighter Day. Keep inspiring people young boy! We are so proud of you. 

My endless love to you,

Mommy Tintin

January 28: Then and Now

January 28, 2012 - Our Journey Home

All I wanted that day was to go home so I could see you. While I was packing, I was already imagining what it was like to go home and see you in your eternal bed, instead of you coming to me and giving me a big hug. I couldn't imagine it, it was the most difficult thing. 

Daddy and I left for the airport quite early. Our flight was supposedly at 1120am. I fell asleep on the plane even before it took off. When I woke up three hours later, we were still on the ground. Daddy told me that there was a problem, then they made an announcement that we won't be able to fly anymore because they didn't manage to sort out the gas leak so we had to get off the plane. This news didn't actually help, but maybe there was a reason for it too. But why on the day that I needed so badly to go home? Kind of weird, right? So, Daddy and I had to find a new flight. We had to queue for at least three hours before we could speak to anyone. During that time, I met three different group of people- all trying to go home because they too lost a loved one. One of them was crying and was insistent that she should be given the priority because she had to go home. I was thinking, so am I. I have just lost my child and I need to go home soon too. When it was our turn to be served at the counter, they told us that there were no more flights available on the same day. But I told them that I've just lost you and that I needed to go home as soon as possible. The ladies were very helpful. I knew they tried their best to get us to the earliest flight possible, but there was none until the following day. Daddy and I had to stay at the hotel for a night. Maybe it was a good thing because that meant that we would be arriving in the Manila almost at the same time as Papa.......

I later on heard different stories about this fateful day. All of them were equally heartbreaking. Inang apparently didn't know that you were gone, so she planned to go to the hospital to bring you food on her own. While she was waiting for a bus, Tito Gil phoned Mama Es to tell her that we have lost you. No one knew about it as yet. Apparently Inang couldn't get hold of Mama but she never thought that something bad may have happened to you. So Mama Es ran to our house screaming that you were gone. Tatang was alone in the house. It must be so difficult for them because they had to hear it from Tito Gil. And so Tatang went to pick up Inang from the highway. Inang was wondering why Tatang was taking her home. It took a lot of courage for Tatang to tell her that you've left us forever. Of course, Inang broke down. I don't know what else happened to Inang after that. Meanwhile, Daddy Henry was campaigning for someone when he received Mama Es's text and apparently he broke down in tears and had to be sent home. Mama Es said later on that he has never seen Daddy Henry cry so much, even when they lost Tito Ryan.

It was also your friend A's birthday. You were meant to be there. Mama told me that A's grandmother went to the market to buy food for A's birthday and she heard from people over there that you were gone. So A's grandmother went home instead and broke the sad news to your friends. As you would expect, they were in shock. Apparently whenever their phone rang, they hoped that it was you to tell them that you were going to A's party. But obviously not. After they had something to eat, they went to our house to wait for you. Imagine what your young friends had to go through that day. 

Not to mention your Adings. This is one thing that we never really talked about. My heart broke for them the moment I found out what happened. I didn't know how they would take the bad news. Who would tell them? How would anyone tell them? I was so worried about them. I know how much your Adings loved you and to suddenly not have you in their lives was beyond my imagination. My heart still breaks whenever I think about that. I wanted to be there for them. I wanted to hug them very tight. But I wasn't there.

January 28,2013 - One Year On

Believe me, as I am writing this I feel like I am still living in that moment of disbelief. The pain remains as intense as it was a year ago. 

But you know exactly how to make this day easier for all of us. You actually already made today a K Lighter Day even before any of us did. You made us all proud once again. Just in time for your first angelversary, Casa featured five of your paintings at their exhibit in Harbor Point, Subic. Anak, you have no idea how it made us all proud. That was a dream come true. And thank you for making this day a K Lighter day!

As you probably know already, I phoned home a lot of times today. I wanted to be with our family even if I am miles away. It's always a pleasure to know that a lot of people joined our family in celebrating your life on earth. I'm sure a lot of stories about you were heard again. It's actually good because it's also an opportunity for us to tell them about your paintings.

Your friends and your teachers were there too. Too bad I was not able to speak to them....

Today is also another K Lighter Day. A few of my friends participated again just like last year whwen we celebrated your first angel birthday. I will write about it separately.

You know anak, we miss you so much. You will always be in our thoughts. You will never be forgotten. We love you so so much.

Mommy Tintin

Your Kite

 21 January 2012 - The first and last time you flew a kite. Mama said that you've always wanted to have a kite, but for some reason you never got round to it. Perhaps because Papa was not around so you really didn't have anyone to play it with. But this time, Tito Junjun made the frame for you, and you and Mama did the rest.

I was so happy to see you fly a kite because I have never seen you fly one before. But what really surprised me was seeing you and Tatang play together. For the longest time, I have never seen you play with him. I know Tatang make lambing to you and your Adings in a very different way. Most of the time, you misinterpreted as he was trying to tease you or something, but that's just him. He loves teasing you and that's how he showed his affection to you. But I know that you didn't get that and I don't blame you. Besides, Tatang really didn't spent much time with you when you were still here. I know anak that at your age, you understood a lot of things when it came to family matters. At a very young age, you knew when there was something wrong in the house. And knowing you, you really didn't express how you feel that much. You kept it inside you and sometimes Inang and Mama would just tell me that you said things as if you actually were going through something. You would say that Tatang didn't love you. That he loved his pets more than you because he spent (and still spends) more time in the farm than with you and your Adings. Since you thought about those things, you kept a distance from him. So it was so nice to see you flying your kite together.

For me at that time, these photos were a sight to behold. But looking back now, I realized that perhaps this was your way of saying goodbye to Tatang. This was also probably your way of telling him that you have forgiven him for whatever pain he may have caused you. Tatang obviously didn't realized this, that's why he was so hurt when you left. He never really showed his true emotions but Inang has caught him crying on his own a few times. I know he is still suffering from your loss. Maybe at that time he was thinking that that was a beginning of his new relationship with you, little did he know that that was the last time he was ever going to play with you.

Apart from flying your kite, that day was also the last time you hang out with your "fraternity" - Tito JL, Ading Linus and Ading Cxyrelle. I studied your last photos and I can see mixed emotions on your face. One thing is for sure though, you have lost some weight and it seems like you still had the mumps.

 

I am just so glad that Mama was able to capture these memories. They mean so much to me. And just like your kite, which Ading Linus said could fly high in 30 seconds, you have proven to us a lot of times that you could soar high. In fact you soared high above the clouds.

We miss you so much everyday. Thank you for the memories. We will forever cherish our good and bad times with you. We love you more than you will ever know.

Mommy Tintin

It's almost K Lighter Day again

I think I will make your Angel birthdays and your Angelversaries official K Lighter days. One thing that I am not sure of though is if people will continue to support me on this. But nevertheless, I would still love to continue what I have started. And on your first angelversary, here is what I have done:

I actually put together two of your works in one photo to come up with this. Nothing really, I was just having a creative moment and thought I'd do one for you.

Just like our first K Lighter Day, I asked our family and friends to join again by doing 11 of the things that you loved doing:

1. Light a candle (blue preferably if you have one) and say a little prayer.

2. Read the Bible or pray the Rosary

3. Sing or play his favourite song "Lighters" by Eminem

4. Don't hurt or worse kill any insect or animals

5. Play a musical instrument if you are able to

6. Make someone's day "Lighter" in any way you can

7. Make your family and friends feel that you love and care for them

8. Avoid saying bad words

9. Draw or paint something that reminds you of Keith

10. Wear white or blue

11.Remember his motto, "Kaya ko po, Ako Pa" and take the challenge of doing something you thought you can never do.

This time, I came up with 11. I like it actually as it represents your 11 years on earth.

I know it's not going to change. January 28 will always be the day that changed our lives forever, no matter what year it is. That will will remain my saddest day, for I will always remember the day you left us. But I am hopeful that eventually, January 28, will no longer remind us of the pain, but somehow will remind us that a beautiful boy was taken away from us to give way to a new and brighter beginning. I am still hoping that sooner or later, I will be able to find that purpose. I am not giving up on it.

I miss you baby boy and I will forever love you with all my heart.

Mommy Tintin