You live through your Adings

They finally heard the sound of the violin at home a few days ago. It has been almost two years since they heard you last play the instrument. It also took your Adings that long to finally pick up those instruments and play with them.

I am happy at the same time sad to see your Adings do what you loved doing. It would always been better if the three of you played those instruments. But I am happy still because you remain your Adings' inspiration. It's just that I always wish you were here, too.

Ading Linus plays the violin and the lyre.

Ading Cyrelle now plays the violin and she's enjoying it.

Ading Cxyrelle has always been into arts, but now she is an official art student at Casa San Miguel. And here are her first art works.

I know you are very proud of your Adings. I remember Ading Cxyrelle saying that you taught her how to mix colours. And Ading Linus of course, you taught him how to play the violin.

As much as I am very happy to see him enjoying what you used to enjoy, it hurts me so bad that you're not here to share it with them.

You are deeply missed every single day. I wish you can visit us again soon.

We love you so much Keith. YOu will forever be in our hearts.

Mommy Tintin

Guess what?

You probably already knew that Papa used to join poster making contests when he was younger. I have always known that he could draw very well. He actually also did some letterings as well. But you know, he really didn't pursue any of those talents. In fact when he became good at playing chess, he seemed to have forgotten his "talents". 

I was actually surprised when he started posting some of recent works. To be fair, he hasn't held a charcoal perhaps in more or less than 20 years. And all of a sudden he comes out with beautiful pieces. Inang told me that Papa wanted to follow your footsteps also. Funny, right? That your Papa is the one following your footsteps. I can see you smiling up there right now. You are probably also surprised. It's just a shame that you're no longer to look at Papa's work. Now I am wondering why he didn't do all this when you were here. He didn't even drew or painted with you I think. But, I think there is a purpose. Because then even if you are not here, your Papa and your Adings will continue what you have started.

I am just so happy to see Papa do what he used to love doing. It's just a shame you're not sure to enjoy it with him. I am sure you're in his thoughts when he's working.

Mama

 Ading Cxyrelle

This is what surprised me the post. I didn't know Papa can paint. He only ever used water colours and coloured pens. Hehe. But look, looks familiar, right? You are indeed his inspirations.

Hayyy Keith, I don't really know why you had to go. Things would have been better and far more enjoyable with you around. But hey....

I am missing you so much. It's almost two years now but the feeling is still the same.  You are greatly missed my Pochongchong. Mommy loves you so very much.

Mommy Tintin

It's my birthday

....my second birthday without you. :( 

I phoned home this morning and I was able to speak to your Adings. It was very brief though because they were preparing to go to school. I almost slipped asking for you because you know, I am used to looking for three kids to greet me on my birthday. I miss you so much not only today, but everyday. I may not have written to you for a while but you're always in my thoughts.

You know what, if God allows me to only have one birthday wish for the rest of my life, I would ask for you. How I wish you're just somewhere out there and that you'll be back someday. We miss you so much already.

******

I was meant to tell you that I got to meet Sir Coke again, this time in London. He was here for the screening of his movie with Julian, "Boses". You know about that film, right? I just want to thank you for you are the reason why I met Sir Coke and Julian. As I always say, maybe that's one of the reasons why God took you.

*****

It's one and a half years since you left us. Although I must admit that things has got finally better, there are still moments when we're missing you so badly. Sometimes I still cry when I think of you. I miss your beautiful face.

*****

You know what? I have a feeling you were here this morning to greet me happy birthday because you gave me a sign. Thank you.

I am missing you so much anak. I love you forever.

Mommy Tintin

Back to school

Your friends went to school officially today. Your Adings won't go back until next Monday. I feel really sad because you would have been on your 7th grade and I would have loved to hear your stories about your first day at junior high. I'm sure you would have been excited.

All I have now is your photo before you left for school with your Adings and Ate Bianca. Perhaps I would just need to look at it if I am missing my angel as a student.

I am missing you so much. Please come back even for a day. I just want to hug you tight, smell your kili-kili and pinch your cheeks! I love you so much Keith pogi.

Mommy Tintin

Ading is 10

Today is Ading Lye's 10th birthday. I called to greet him on my way to work. He said he didn't want a cake, so I think they only had a simple celebration at home with some of our neighbours. Mama said that Ading wants to do a lot of thing but he can't because he always thinks about you. Everything that he wants to do reminds him of you. I think things are still difficult for Ading. In time I'm sure he will be able to continue what you both have started.

Anyway, here's Ading's handa for his birthday:

I'm sure your Adings miss you so much and you miss them too. This is Ading's second birthday without you. We can only wish you were here.

You are deeply missed. We love you very very much.

Mommy Tintin

Ading hums Hallelujah again

Remember last Easter when Ading Linus first sung the Easter song at our church? I thought that he won't do it again because he got scared the last time. But no, he did it again! I am so proud of Ading Linus. I'm sure you are prouder than we all are. It's just a shame that you were not here to support him physically, but I know you were watching him from heaven.

I miss you so much baby. It's two years since the last time I saw you. Ha, time has flown so fast.

Mommy loves you so very much.

Mommy Tintin

Your Adings' Awards

It was only yesterday and today that I was able to speak to our family properly as everyone has been very busy. It was also only then I heard about what happened at your Adings' moving up program.

They are both not in the honour roll, but it's okay. It really doesn't matter to us. The most important thing is that your Adings know that they didn't work hard to make it to the honour roll. They are both humble enough to accept that. Both of them said that they can do it, but they need to try harder next time. I so admire your Adings for that.

So, both of them bagged the Best in Music and Arts awards. I am so proud of them. I know somehow, they will keep your legacy. Afterall, you all started at the same time. And whether they say it or not, you are their inspiration. I know one day, Ading Lye and Ading Cye will continue what you have started. They just need time.

On top of that, Ading Linus also got the Best in PE and Editorial Cartooning awards. Isn't obvious that Ading is following on your footsteps in Music, Art and Editorial Cartooning? I hope he continues to excel in those areas. Although I think he is still finding his core. He likes to try on a lot of things, mostly in sports. But whatever he chooses, we will support him all the way.

I'm sure you are very proud of your Adings. When Mama and Ading Cye visited your new house on earth, she brought her medals with her to show you. According to Mama, she was bragging about it. She apparently said, "Kuya, I have two medals- Best in Music and Best in Art. Kya Lye only had one, Best in PE". Haha. I'm sure you were laughing when you heard her say that. You know how Ading Cye is like sometimes. Mama corrected her of course. And then Ading laugh.

I am very happy that your Adings are using you as their inspiration and that they share their successes with you. I hope they will never change.

Well, what else? We miss you so so much. We always wish you were here. Our love for you will never end.

Please watch over us, especially your Adings anak. We love you.

Mommy Tintin 

Their trip to Ilocos and Baguio

I know how much you wanted to go home to Ilocos before you left. You kept nagging Mama about it. If we only knew that you were leaving soon, then you would have gone to see your grandparents and cousins. But anyway....

A year after, your Mama, Papa and Adings finally were able to go back to Ilocos and also visit Baguio. I am so sorry anak for this didn't happen when you were still here. I know you really wanted to visit Baguio. I'm so sorry.

Seems like your Adings had fun in Baguio. In fact, Ading Linus apparently told Papa that he wants to study high school there. When Papa asked him if he can do it, he said yes he can! Now, that's one thing that we should really have to think about. 

Yes, Ading Linus learned how to drive the scooter in Ilocos. It's a shame you didn't get to experience this. Remember you could already drive a tricycle before you left? I'm sure you would have enjoyed driving a scooter.

We miss you more in times like this you know. We wish you were here. 

I love you.

Mommy Tintin

Harbor Point Exhibit

First of all, thank you for always being our little "Lighter". You really know when to make us feel better. Few days before your first angelversary, Mama was approached by Casa regarding your paintings. They borrowed ten of them. Five of them remained in Casa, while the other five were exhibited in Harbor Point, Subic. Thank you for sharing your talents to many people anak. Your legacy lives in your work. It is our honour for your paintings to be included in that exhibit. We are so proud of you!

I love and miss you so much.


Mommy Tintin
        

January 28 is K Lighter Day

I have been thinking whether to have both your angel birthday and angelversary as K Lighter Days. However, I also thought that it may be too much for our friends and family to do what I have asked them to do, so I had to choose between your angel birthday and your angelversay. Since January 28 will remain the saddest day of my life, I decided to make it officially the K Lighter Day. My aim is to basically turn that sad day lighter as you would want it to be. What do you think? Don't worry because every beautiful day is a K Lighter Day. I also just want to have an official day, so there you go.

Last January 28, I asked our family and friends to make the day a K Lighter Day again just like what we did on your first angel birthday. I want to share what my friends have done for you. I am really grateful that some people never get tired of helping me remember you.

I met Michelle online via the Grieving Mothers. It' really such an honour for me that she actually participated on our K Lighter Day.

From my ever loyal and very good friend Mila and my ever supportive "virtual" friend Sarah. Sarah and I met over a a crazy sale on www.net-a-porter.com. It all started with my comment on not getting an Alexander Mc Queen bag. We have been in touch regularly since.

Ate Leng as you know is one of my good friends and she has always been there for me. And Emma is a friend from University, whom despite the distance and lack of communication, she remains to be so thoughtful.

I think you have met Alma before. perhaps when you were a baby. She is a good friend from high school.

This is from Tita Gara. Although I have only met her once in person, I know we have that special bond. And since then, I felt like she has been in my life for a long time.

And this is what I have done for you. I read the Bible, lit a candle, wore blue and played your song as soon as 12 midnight struck.

This is just to remind you that you are not forgotten. I will always be thankful that God has given me a boy who can make a dreadful day a K Lighter Day. Keep inspiring people young boy! We are so proud of you. 

My endless love to you,

Mommy Tintin

Your Kite

 21 January 2012 - The first and last time you flew a kite. Mama said that you've always wanted to have a kite, but for some reason you never got round to it. Perhaps because Papa was not around so you really didn't have anyone to play it with. But this time, Tito Junjun made the frame for you, and you and Mama did the rest.

I was so happy to see you fly a kite because I have never seen you fly one before. But what really surprised me was seeing you and Tatang play together. For the longest time, I have never seen you play with him. I know Tatang make lambing to you and your Adings in a very different way. Most of the time, you misinterpreted as he was trying to tease you or something, but that's just him. He loves teasing you and that's how he showed his affection to you. But I know that you didn't get that and I don't blame you. Besides, Tatang really didn't spent much time with you when you were still here. I know anak that at your age, you understood a lot of things when it came to family matters. At a very young age, you knew when there was something wrong in the house. And knowing you, you really didn't express how you feel that much. You kept it inside you and sometimes Inang and Mama would just tell me that you said things as if you actually were going through something. You would say that Tatang didn't love you. That he loved his pets more than you because he spent (and still spends) more time in the farm than with you and your Adings. Since you thought about those things, you kept a distance from him. So it was so nice to see you flying your kite together.

For me at that time, these photos were a sight to behold. But looking back now, I realized that perhaps this was your way of saying goodbye to Tatang. This was also probably your way of telling him that you have forgiven him for whatever pain he may have caused you. Tatang obviously didn't realized this, that's why he was so hurt when you left. He never really showed his true emotions but Inang has caught him crying on his own a few times. I know he is still suffering from your loss. Maybe at that time he was thinking that that was a beginning of his new relationship with you, little did he know that that was the last time he was ever going to play with you.

Apart from flying your kite, that day was also the last time you hang out with your "fraternity" - Tito JL, Ading Linus and Ading Cxyrelle. I studied your last photos and I can see mixed emotions on your face. One thing is for sure though, you have lost some weight and it seems like you still had the mumps.

 

I am just so glad that Mama was able to capture these memories. They mean so much to me. And just like your kite, which Ading Linus said could fly high in 30 seconds, you have proven to us a lot of times that you could soar high. In fact you soared high above the clouds.

We miss you so much everyday. Thank you for the memories. We will forever cherish our good and bad times with you. We love you more than you will ever know.

Mommy Tintin

It's almost K Lighter Day again

I think I will make your Angel birthdays and your Angelversaries official K Lighter days. One thing that I am not sure of though is if people will continue to support me on this. But nevertheless, I would still love to continue what I have started. And on your first angelversary, here is what I have done:

I actually put together two of your works in one photo to come up with this. Nothing really, I was just having a creative moment and thought I'd do one for you.

Just like our first K Lighter Day, I asked our family and friends to join again by doing 11 of the things that you loved doing:

1. Light a candle (blue preferably if you have one) and say a little prayer.

2. Read the Bible or pray the Rosary

3. Sing or play his favourite song "Lighters" by Eminem

4. Don't hurt or worse kill any insect or animals

5. Play a musical instrument if you are able to

6. Make someone's day "Lighter" in any way you can

7. Make your family and friends feel that you love and care for them

8. Avoid saying bad words

9. Draw or paint something that reminds you of Keith

10. Wear white or blue

11.Remember his motto, "Kaya ko po, Ako Pa" and take the challenge of doing something you thought you can never do.

This time, I came up with 11. I like it actually as it represents your 11 years on earth.

I know it's not going to change. January 28 will always be the day that changed our lives forever, no matter what year it is. That will will remain my saddest day, for I will always remember the day you left us. But I am hopeful that eventually, January 28, will no longer remind us of the pain, but somehow will remind us that a beautiful boy was taken away from us to give way to a new and brighter beginning. I am still hoping that sooner or later, I will be able to find that purpose. I am not giving up on it.

I miss you baby boy and I will forever love you with all my heart.

Mommy Tintin

Mama's poem for you

I have yet to confirm if Mama actually wrote this poem or not, but I will ask her later when she wakes up. This actually made me cry again. You know, it's only a few days now and it's your first angelversary and it's getting harder and harder for me, Mama and Inang. I can see that Mama is suffering from her recent posts on facebook. Bless her, that's her outlet. Anyway, here's the poem and I hope you'll like it:

Nasa'n ka man, naroroon ako

Sa kahirapan, s'ya rin gabay sa'yo

Sa bagyo ng buhay ay ako, ang siyang aakay sa iyo

Anumang sigla, ako ang karamay mo.

Kahit saang panahon ng buhay mo

Di magbabagong pag-ibig ko sa'yo

At sa bawat oras at araw, tangan ko sa palad ay ikaw

Di ka na sa akin ay maaagaw.

Kung minsan, sa isip mo'y iniwan ka

Na nag iisa sa buhay mo'y walang kasama

Sa lahat ng sandali, kahit sa pighati

Ako ay naroon sa'yong tabi

We know you're always with us Keith, but we miss you so much. We long to hold you again. We will forever love you anak ko.

Mommy Tintin

If Darwin could talk

I was reminded of Darwin (your gold fish) when I read Tito JL's post about his fish committing suicide as it apparently jumped off the aquarium. I honestly haven't thought of Darwin recently because I have been pre-occupied with other things. When I read Tito's post, I suddenly panicked because I didn't know if Darwin was still alive or not anymore. I'm sure if anything happened to him, Mama would have told me. So I was positive that he was still alive.

Mama told me that Darwin has been quite sensitive lately. I actually laughed when Mama told me about it because I found it cute the way she said it. It's as if Darwin is really human. How does she know that a fish has become sensitive? Well apparently, Darwin wants to be greeted every morning just like what you were doing to him when you were here. If Mama or anyone doesn't do it then he won't eat. They have to hold him first before he eats. He apparently wants attention all the time. I'm sure if Darwin could talk, he would tell them that he misses you. Because when you were here, you treated him like a person. You would speak to him every morning and you made sure that he was fed before you went to school. I'm sure Darwin is longing for the same treatment from them that's why he has become sensitive. See, even your pets can feel your absence. I asked Mama to take a photo of Darwin because I want to see him too, but the one Mama sent is a bit blurry. She said she will take another one tomorrow. For the meantime, here's Darwin:

Ha, I just realized that the photo looks like a painting. As you can see, Darwin has grown since you last saw him.

I'm sure you miss Darwin too. He misses you too and we miss you. Love you, Keith.

Mommy Tintin

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year anak. Time flies really fast. In 28 days, it's going to be a year since you left us. I can't believe it's been that long. Same time last year, you were going to hear the midnight mass. I remember you didn't want to go to Inang's church because you were not comfortable. You wanted to go to Methodist but somehow they managed to convince you to go with them. Little did they know, it was their last New Year's Eve with you. 

The funny story that I heard was you not wanting to walk to church with Ading Cxyrelle because she was wearing a gown. I remember Mama telling me about that story. You apparently told Mama, "Mama where is Ading going? Why is she wearing a gown? I am embarrassed to walk with her." Haha. You know how Ading Cxyrelle is like. If she wants to dress up, she doesn't care what she's wearing as long as she likes it. Haha.

Someone told me that you lit up firecrackers after church with him and Ading. I know you've always wanted to do that. But I'm sure that you also did some with Tito JL.

I haven't spoken to our family so I don't know what they've been up to. I just texted Mama earlier and she said they were going to church. I have spoken to Papa already. Tito Gil and Tita Joie are here to celebrate New Year's with us. We are hoping to skype with your Adings later. I hope they're not too tired to talk to us.

How is New Year's Eve in heaven? I hope you can tell me all about it. Tonight we're going to watch the fireworks along the river. It will be a K Lighter day!

I miss you so much anak. I hope you're here with us. I love you okay?

Mommy Tintin

Probably your last trip to Jollibee

Almost a month before you left and I am trying to remember the things that you did on your last few days with us as much I can. Surprisingly enough, there are not a lot of photos on Mama's facebook page. But there was this one time when you all went to Olongapo. Mama told me that it was after Christmas. I know you really didn't like Jollibee that much. You would rather eat in Chow King. And when you were younger you developed a skin allergy which prohibited you from eating chicken. This is one of the reasons why you didn't want to eat in Jollibee anymore. But growing up you were really a responsible young lad. You didn't eat chicken and eggs for a while, but then they realized that perhaps the chicken skin might be the one causing you the allergy so you started eating chicken again.

So, here's your last memory in Jollibee. 

The last photo was taken when you were apparently looking for Inang. You were worried because she might get lost. 

You are so handsome anak. It's so sayang talaga. I am missing you as usual. The past four days have been very busy for me, but I never stop thinking about you. I love you so much.

Mommy Titin

Their visit to Aga

Before Christmas, Mama and your Adings visited Aga. It looks like they had a lot of fun. I am very happy that they all managed to keep in touch especially now that you're no longer here and Aga has transferred to another school. I'm sure you're happy about that too.

They definitely miss you and I know you miss them too.

I miss and love you.

By the way, how's your Christmas up there?

Mommy Tintin

Our first Christmas without you

I haven't properly spoken to our family yet because the first time I called, Mama and your Adings were sleeping and Inang was still at the church. And then when I called again Mama was at Tito JL's house. Your Ading's didn't want to wake up, unlike before when you all went next door for the noche buena. I will call again a bit later. I'm sure they will be awake by then. As for me, I am having the Christmas blues. I have just shed some tears because I was chatting with one of my friends in the US and we talked about you. And then I was looking at your Christmas photos last year, which happened to be your last Christmas with us.

You know what? I noticed that in your last photos in December 2011, you were always smiling. Quite unusual I thought because you very rarely smiled at the camera. And why the formal photo op with Mama Es, Daddy, Ninang Mary and Tito JL? I don't think you've done that before. Your photos were normally candid shots. But anyway, I just want to share your last Christmas photos:

See what I mean? You have that smirk on your face. And can I just say that you are wearing your favourite shirt again.

Well baby, greet Papa Jesus Happy Birthday for me okay? Have a Happy Christmas anak ko. I love and miss you so much.

Mommy Tintin