I am missing you

I just suddenly felt sad and thought about you. I was looking for your photo when you had your first communion, and tears suddenly fell on my face. I know there will be days like this for the rest of my life. The pain, although becomes lighter with time, it doesn't go away. I don't think it ever will. Looking at your photos makes me realize how special you were. You were a great loss. I will tell you that over and over again. 

We know that you're happy where you are now. In fact, I dreamt about you the other night and there you were looking very happy. You were inside a car with Mama and Ading Cxyrelle. You smiled at me when you passed by. And then I saw you somewhere, I am not sure but maybe it was inside a room. I asked you how you were and you said you were very much okay with a huge smile. Your skin was so vibrant. You looked really happy.

You know sometimes, no matter how much you have made us feel that you're okay, we still feel the pain. That's normal anak because we miss you so so much. It's really not the same without you.

Please know that we love you so much anak. You may have been gone for over a year now, but it doesn't matter for you will live in our hearts forever. 

Mommy Tintin

Thank you for the visit anak

I finally dreamed about you last night. You were wearing your favourite yellow button down shirt that I gave you. We were walking hand in hand and I asked you if you were okay. You said you were and I pinched your cheeks and kissed you. Your skin was so soft and your cheeks were really chubby. You were so handsome.

Too bad it was such a short visit, but it's better than not visiting me at all. You know I miss you so much. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I love you anak ko. 

Please visit me again soon.

Mommy Tintin

Two days before your send off

03 February 2012 -  A lot of people still came to see you. There was one thing that really touched my heart. Kids from different schools came to see you too. But there was this particular group of kids that really stood out for me. I saw their school's name on the record of people who have donated money and apparently this group of kids contributed their own money in order to give it to you. That was so sweet of them. Some kids stayed by your side for a long time, looking at you and your paintings. They came and went, a lot of kids. It was really overwhelming.

Some people suggested that we should change your shirt into a barong tagalog or something. But Mama said to leave you alone because she knew that you have chosen that shirt over the barong anyway. Besides you really didn't want to disturbed. You didn't like it when people try to make you change your clothes or anything like that. You wanted things to be simple. So we left you in your favourite white button down shirt.

If I am not mistaken, this was also the day that Inang showed me your hospital bill and some of the tests that you had. Inang wanted to know if you had the right tests and treatment. I was not ready to look at it properly so I just had a quick glance at the paper. You had a few tests, huh! I'm sure they did everything they could. There was no doubt about that.

It was two days before your sent off. It was so hard.......

*****

Last night I dreamt about you. YOu were playing with Papa and Ading Linus. You were wearing a sleeveless white t-shirt and your shorts. It felt so real. I was also able to speak to you and touch you briefly. But when I woke up, I couldn't remember the whole dream. But I know I saw you.

Missing you so much already. I love you anak.

Mommy Tintin

Mama's poem for you

I have yet to confirm if Mama actually wrote this poem or not, but I will ask her later when she wakes up. This actually made me cry again. You know, it's only a few days now and it's your first angelversary and it's getting harder and harder for me, Mama and Inang. I can see that Mama is suffering from her recent posts on facebook. Bless her, that's her outlet. Anyway, here's the poem and I hope you'll like it:

Nasa'n ka man, naroroon ako

Sa kahirapan, s'ya rin gabay sa'yo

Sa bagyo ng buhay ay ako, ang siyang aakay sa iyo

Anumang sigla, ako ang karamay mo.

Kahit saang panahon ng buhay mo

Di magbabagong pag-ibig ko sa'yo

At sa bawat oras at araw, tangan ko sa palad ay ikaw

Di ka na sa akin ay maaagaw.

Kung minsan, sa isip mo'y iniwan ka

Na nag iisa sa buhay mo'y walang kasama

Sa lahat ng sandali, kahit sa pighati

Ako ay naroon sa'yong tabi

We know you're always with us Keith, but we miss you so much. We long to hold you again. We will forever love you anak ko.

Mommy Tintin

I saw you last night

in my dream that is. I'm sure I saw you but not for long. You were wearing a white top, either a polo shirt or a t-shirt. I can't remember very well. Remember when I told you that since I have been sleeping with Meow, I can no longer remember my dreams very well?

Anyway, so you were at home and someone apparently gave us some oranges on a tree. Yes it was as if they cut the orange tree and gave it to us. There were a lot of fruits on there and I asked Tatang if we could just plant it again, but he said we couldn't. And then I remember you asked for a bread and an orange juice so I made you one- fresh from the tree. I don't know what else happened after that.

When I woke up I told Mama about it and she said she actually hasn't offered orange juice for you in a while. 

Thank you for the short but sweet visit. You could have stayed longer though. I miss you so much and I want to see you more often. I love you baby.

Mommy Tintin

I can almost hear your music playing.... and Mama's dream

So after what, 10 months? Ading Linus has finally decided to open your violin. Mama told me that he was teaching Ading Cxyrelle how to play the violin. Remember you told Mama before that Ading Cxyrelle doesn't need to go to Casa to learn because you were going to teach her? It looks like Ading Linus have felt that and he is filling your shoes in. I know he is not that good as yet, but at least he knows the basics. I can only imagine them holding their violins sat on the bed fiddling with it, with you perhaps just behind them watching them and smiling at them. I am definitely sure you are very happy to see your Adings like that. I just wish you were there physically teaching them, too. Ading Linus is so determined to learn the violin this time. In fact he has even agreed to play at a concert on the 26th of this month. I know I don't have to ask you, but please anak, guide Ading okay? I know he is doing this for you and he will be good at it because he looks up to someone who was the best.

Also the funny thing is, the night before Mama had a butterfly in her room. And today while she was telling me about your Adings playing with the violin, she had a grasshopper. Maybe it's you telling them you were with them and that you're proud of what they are doing. Ah, you are deeply missed anak.

But you know what? Mama kept having bad dreams about you. Most of the time when she dreams about you, you are either sick or really gone (I know you are but you know). Last night she dreamt that you were in the hospital and she was hugging you. You were just saying "Mama", and while she was hugging you, you were gone. Mama wants to know why everytime she dreams about you, it's sad like this. I would like to think that maybe it's a message for all of us that no matter how hard we would have tried that you would have left anyway. To me that's what it means, that we wouldn't have been able to save you no matter what. Perhaps it was really your time to go. I don't know, but how I wish I knew what this is all about. Even now I still have bad dreams but they are not as clear as the ones before. I sleep with Meow and although I dream, I really can't remember anything. My dreams have become really vague. And most of the time when I dream, I am no longer holding Meow so I always end up looking for it.

Anak, you know I miss you so much everyday, and I love you too more than you know.

Mommy Tintin

Your very brief visit

You probably know that Mommy has not been well for the last couple of days now. It all started with a bad headache and then when I woke up yesterday morning, I suddenly couldn't breath as my nose was blocked. And now I have a runny nose and I sneeze like every 30 minutes. It's actually better now, but my nose remains very itchy and my eyes are watery. I was going back to work tomorrow, but my boss told me to just have it off if I am not 100% well, so I may just go back on Friday.

So anyway, you really know when to cheer me up right? Because last night I felt terrible. I was restless before I went to bed because I didn't know if my nose was blocked or it was runny. I had Meow in my arms and I told your Daddy jokingly, " I hope Meow doesn't get my colds". Haha. I managed to sleep eventually and there you visited me in my dreams.

I think it was at your school because Her Jae was there. I don't know what I was doing there but seemed like there was a program or something. When I saw Her Jae, I became quite emotional. I think I may have hugged her first and then I told her how I wish you were there also. And then Her Jae told me that you were there. All of a sudden, you appeared behind her. You were wearing a white shirt. I think it may have been your uniform. You smiled at me and I just looked at you in the eye. I was so surprised I couldn't say anything. You looked different, but you were handsome as always. You looked like you've gained weight a bit as your cheeks were fuller. Before I could even say anything, my dream was diverted to something else, some kind of a hospital or building. So I don't know what happened after my dream about you.

Although the visit was very brief, I am quite happy. At least I know you were there. I'm sure you visited to let me know  that you're watching over me.

I love you so much baby. I miss you loads. Oh by the way, tomorrow I have a surprise for you. :)

Mommy Tintin

Mama's Visitor

Mama sent me this photo this morning with the caption, "My Angel". I have heard people say before that when a soul visits their loved one, it is normally in a form of butterfly or something. Looking at the photo, it seems to me that this is a moth rather than a butterfly. So, I asked Mama if they had this thing visiting them when you were still here, but she said no, only when you left. I believe her because she and Ading Linus told me it was the black ants that usually visited you before. Besides Mama said that whenever there's a butterfly, a moth or a grasshopper in the house, they always land onto her. This is probably the reason why she thinks it's you. And if it's you, thank you for visiting Mama. I know she needs that.

We miss you so badly and we can only wish that you never left. We love you very very much.

Mommy Tintin

Guess what?

Mama thinks she saw you last night. You know that she has been waiting for this moment, right?

I was about to go to sleep when I received a text from her. This is what she told me, " Nakita ko si Keith kagabi. Kaninang madaling araw sa mukha ni Linus. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali dahil kilala ko an mga anak ko. Siya yun. Hay naku sana gabi-gabi niya ako puntahan." (I saw Keith last night, in Linus's face.I can't be wrong because I know my children. It was him.I hope he visits me every night.) And because I couldn't really understand what she meant by seeing you in Ading's face, I had to call her and she explained to me why she thinks she saw you.

Apparently she woke up around two am. When she opened her eyes there was a face in front of him and it looked exactly like you, chubby. At first she thought she was just dreaming, but she took a second look and it was definitely you. She was going to ask Ading to turn over but she didn't want to wake him up. She was very sure about it because Ading's face is first of all small. I'm pretty sure you visited her. It's her birthday soon.

One thing that really made me feel better was when Mama said that whenever something like that happens, she remembers some of the events that took place when you were at the hospital. Until recently she really doesn't talk about it that much because she said she can't recall anything. And she said that it's not easier for her to talk about what happened and it's not as heavy anymore. Perhaps anak you need to visit Mama more often to reassure her that you're okay wherever you are. I know she believes that you're in heaven, but sometimes we still need to be reassured.

How I wish you pay me a visit soon too. I am missing you so much my angel. Mommy loves you.

Mommy Tintin

Did you visit Mama?

Mama told me the other day that you may have visited her because something exciting happened. Apparently, the television turned on suddenly and it was the MYX program playing. She said our TV doesn't have a timer and no one was in the living room at that time. Mama was very happy that she kept the TV on until they left for school. She told me that apart from Discovery Channel, you also loved MYX. That's just telling that you really loved music. Whatever that is, we still believe that you visited.

Meanwhile, Aga was going to take the exams for the National High School last week but I don't think he did. Perhaps it was moved to a different date. I reassured him that you would watch over him and that you will be with him when he takes the exam. Then he emailed me back saying that he will take the exams with you. You and Aga are lucky to have each other. Your bestfriend is really really sweet. I hope he doesn't change.

So, how is it up there? I bet you're playing with the other angels. I bet you have a pet too and I am hoping it's Christelle's pet. I am saying this because Colton, the boy I told you about yesterday, apparently saw a lot of animals in heaven. Or maybe you have found your grasshopper there. How I wish you can visit me soon and tell me what's going on up there. I would like to know what you've been up to.

You don't know how much I am missing you. I keep wishing you'd never left. I miss hearing your voice when I call home. Ahhh.... I love you anak.

Mommy Tintin

Your visit to Tita Girlie

I know you and Tita Girl had this special bond, especially when you were about 4 or so years old. You and Tito Gil used to visit her in Subic. And whenever she visited Mama Es and Daddy Henry, you would spend some time with her. So it's quite expected that somehow she thinks about you and misses you too.

Tita told me that she woke up crying last night. She dreamt that she went to a house which was ours but doesn't look exactly the same. She looked for you and when she saw you, she hugged you and told you that she missed you. You smiled at her and hugged her, but she said you looked sad. Then she noticed that two of your teeth were missing, your lower and upper incisors. When she looked at them properly, there were two small teeth growing.( Now I remember, I don't think you lost any of your teeth naturally.) Tita Girl can't recall what else you talked about, but she apparently kept telling you that she missed you and just kept hugging you while she was crying. You were chatting with Tita while she was inspecting your teeth, but unfortunately she can't remember what you were talking about. Then Inang turned up and you disappeared. The only thing Tita can remember is that Inang gave her some rice, but she didn't know what for. And when Tita hugged Inang to say goodbye, Mama and Ading Cxyrelle arrived. She just waved at them because she was leaving. Tita said you looked exactly the same as when the last time she saw you. You wear wearing a green shirt and pants. She said her dream seemed so real that's why she was crying.

Apparently this is the third time that Tita Girl has dreamt about you. The first one was during your wake. You were wearing white then, but you were at a distant so you didn't speak to Tita. The second time, you were with me. Nothing really happened, but she woke up crying because she felt guilty she couldn't come to your send off. But I know you completely understood that.

I know you miss us too that's why you visit us sometimes. And although you haven't visited me recently, I know you're here with me. I am missing you so much everyday. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

Mama is bothered about her dream

Mama sent me a message this morning saying that she couldn't sleep last night. She felt hot and then cold. And when she finally fell asleep, she dreamt about you.

She was apparently crying and told Inang and Lola Nora that she was missing you so much and that she wanted to see you and hug you. Then she went to pick you up and took you home, but she said that you would go back to where you were. She also asked you what you wanted, to go home to be with them or to stay where you were. You told Mama that you wanted to go home with her. There is one thing that's bothering her though. Because in that dream, Inang apparently gave you away in exchange of something else. But Mama is not sure what it was. So she is a little bit confused about that.

When Mama saw you in her dream, you were very handsome. You just had a haircut. Mama had to speak to an old woman and a man to ask permission if she could take you. Mama said that they were mother and son, and there were a lot of people over there. And there were kids too. And then they felt sad when Mama took you. But Mama told them that she was just borrowing you and that she would bring you back. You and Mama hugged each other and she was kissing you endlessly. She was very happy to see you. Mama saw your face like you were really there, if you know what I mean and the way you moved really didn't change, always graceful. 

Mama said her dream was very clear, to the point that she thought she brought you home for real. But she's bothered about her dream because she doesn't know what it means. I am planning to go to a dream interpreter tomorrow to hopefully find an answer to our dreams. I am very sure Mama misses you so much and that you visited her because you also miss her. You probably know that Mama longs to hold and kiss you again. In fact all of us longs for that. I know we're never ever gonna hug you again until we get to where you are, but your visits somehow reassures me that you're just around us.

I don't know what else to say. You know we miss you so much and it's less than a month now until your birthday. It's going to be hard.

We love you little angel.

Mommy Tintin

On heaven and souls

I grew up a catholic and I was even once a Cathechist. Of course I strongly believed in heaven and souls way back then...until you were taken away.

I guess it's normal for a bereaved mother like me to reassess my beliefs and worse, even question them. I got so confused when you left that I was not sure anymore if I had to keep believing that your soul has gone up to heaven. How could I believe that now? I know there is a body, but is there really a soul? Does heaven really exist? I have never been as skeptical as this when it comes to my religious beliefs. I know I am very much reluctant in believing history at times because the books that I have read may have just been written by a random person who has not actually experienced anything that has happened in the past. I know I totally don't make sense. But anyway....

Last night I told my friend about Papa's dream and she was teary-eyed and told me that she believes that you are indeed in heaven. She told me that when her mom was sick for a month, her soul traveled to heaven back and forth. Her mom apparently told them that she came back because heaven was too far and not everyone managed to get there. And according to her mom, she saw a long flight of stairs that she needed to climb up in order to get to heaven. She passed away eventually. I have heard of such stories before and I honestly believed them. But since you left I have had doubts. However, since your visit to Papa, I have been trying to convince myself that you are in heaven and that it exists for once and for all. I know I need a lot of reassurance on this, but in no time I will be able to convince myself fully that there is indeed life after death.

You probably think that mommy is crazy for thinking this way. But eventually things will definitely become clearer to me. Until then.....

Wherever you are, just know that I love you dearly and that I always think about you.

Mommy Tintin

Your bestfriend Aga

I was waiting for Mama to go online this afternoon so I could chat with her, but unfortunately, they had no electricity again so it took her a while to reply to my message. Anyway, she was apparently exchanging texts with Auntie Nitz. Of course they talked about you and Aga. Auntie Nitz told Mama that Aga has kept your photo in his wallet and he always remembers you. Auntie Nitz even thinks that Aga may not be able to find a new bff because he's trying to stick with you.

Then we moved on to your plans in attending the Regional Science school in Olongapo or Manila. I thought that was ambitious. But knowing you, you can do anything. And since you are no longer here, Mama told Auntie Nitz that Aga should pursue that dream even without you, because even if Aga can't see you, you can still see him from up there. Or maybe, you can still be with him in spirit.

I really don't often ask about Aga, but recently I have been thinking about him. It's only because I am wondering how it's gonna be like when he's older. I am sure he will never forget you because you did a lot of good things together. You were practically brothers from different mothers.

And also, when Ading Cxyrelle was making a list for her 7 roses, 7 candles etc for her 7th birthday, she mentioned about her Kuya Aga. Then I have an idea of Aga playing the violin on your first angelversary. I have also told Mama to ask Ate Glory if she can play "Lighters" on the day. I have so much plan for that day, but I don't think Papa or Tatang will approve of it. But we shall see.

I gotta go anak. It's always nice to write to you. Somehow it eases the pain a bit.

I love you so much and I am missing you more each day.

Mommy Tintin

Your interesting visit to Papa and Mama

Papa told me that he dreamt about you while I was in Italy. He said his dream seemed real that he woke up and could no longer go back to sleep. Apparently, you went back and greeted Papa on his birthday. And then Papa asked you how you were. You answered, "Okay naman po ako, huwag kayong mag-alala. Nasa langit na po ako at masayang-masaya ako doon" (I'm okay, don't worry. I am now in heaven and I am very happy there). I didn't know how to react. Perhaps you are really now in heaven and I can't be happier for that. I just wish that you talk to us more. I know you have a lot to tell us.

Meanwhile, Mama's dream is not as good as Papa's. She dreamt that you and your friends were at a field trip and you were very pale. Then you collapsed and the next thing Mama remembered you were at a funeral home. You were wearing a white shirt and black trousers. Most of Mama's dreams that she has told me are of that nature. No matter how much she tries to try and save you, she can't. Maybe she's right, than even if we have tried everything to make you stay, you probably wouldn't have stayed. Maybe you were not meant to stay any longer. It may be so painful but perhaps this is your way of telling us to accept the fact that you are no longer with us and that you're not coming back anymore. It's really sad, but it's true.

I miss you so much baby. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

Tito JL's weird dream

I had a chat with Tito JL on facebook this afternoon. He apparently had this weird dream about Jesus. I thought it was about you, but it obviously wasn't. Anyway, Tito was with this old bearded man dressed in white. He said the old man looked like one of Jesus's apostles. Jesus on the other hand was nailed on the cross, but just his left hand. His right hand was free and Jesus was holding Tito's hand. Then Jesus asked the old man to get something for Him. There was a small hole on the wall and a small pendant appeared. The pendant looked like "XI". Tito doesn't know the shape of the pendant. But it was XI and the symbols were together. The I is smaller than the X.

The first thing that came to my mind was that XI in natural number is 11. So, I thought of your age because you were 11 when you were taken away. Then the other thing that I thought about was my birthday. But I am not sure what Tito's dream is all about. I asked my friend about it but the only thing she said was that Tito needs to get more closer to Jesus in view of his faith in Him. The way my friend explained it, someone will not hold your hand if they don't want you to get close to them. It does make sense that way but I know there is another meaning to that. I know it's really weird to dream about this kind of thing, but perhaps Tito was watching something related to this before he went to bed. I am really curious of his dream and I am even considering of going to a dream interpreter.

But I will see if I can call home tomorrow and ask Inang for her opinion. Tomorrow is Friday so it's skype day. I just hope that there's an electricity tomorrow so I can speak to them.

For now I gotta go to bed anak as it's late. Please remember that you're always in my thoughts. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

The Painting

I hung out with a friend last night and she mentioned that she may have dreamt about you. She was not entirely sure but according to her, you were the only boy she knew who could paint. Apparently in her dream, a boy handed a painting to her and the boy said, "please give it to her". She described the painting as Van Gogh-ish. She thought Van Gogh was your favourite painter but I told her it was Monet. 

I know I was trying to introduce Van Gogh to you. Remember I asked you to paint the sunflower and the "starry, starry night" for me? You didn't copy exactly the same thing because you didn't like the idea of copying paintings. You always changed how they looked and made it your own.

My friend was eventually convinced that the boy in her dream was probably you. She told her mom about it and her mom apparently offered eggs for you and for me. I thought that was so sweet of them.

So if the boy was you then at least you spoke. 

I miss you so much already. I wish you could come back. Mommy loves you.

Mommy Tintin

The meaning of Inang's dream

And so I have asked my religious friend what she thinks of Inang's dream. First of all, she said she is happy for Inang because not eveyrone is lucky to have such a meaningful dream. I don't know but my friend has always told me that I have the gift of dreams. I may have this gift but she definitely has the power of interpreting dreams. She has always claimed that her faith makes her see things differently and she's maybe right. Because while I was listening to her, Inang's dream became clearer to me.

And here's what she thinks of Inang's dream:

1. Closed doors and windows- a closed setting and not everyone is allowed inside. Remember when they shut the door behind Inang? My friend said that Inang shouldn't have been inside and that she didn't belong there because "it is not her time yet". And the same can be said when the old man ignored her. Apparently he was not happy for Inang to be inside the house or room and questioning her why she was there.

2. People in White - means sanctification, heaven....

3. The Ritual (you lying on top of a bed covered with white sheets) - Sounds like it's their way of offering you to God and it's a sign of pureness and holiness. The bed you were on represents an "altar". While she was telling me all this, I was like imagining you in a film or something.

4. The Wings - Apparently the lady in white was trying to explain what they were doing to Inang in "human" language, because Inang wouldn't have understood what was going on if the lady talked the way they do in heaven. Wings basically represents an Angel.

5. Being dressed like a prince - only means that they have prepared you to go home to God.

6. The Gold colour (of your outfit) -  Gold signifies something precious and it only means that you are different from others and that you are special.

She told me that we should get over the pain of losing you because she believes that you would come back and eventually start talking to us. She strongly believes that you were different from all of us and that you had and still have messages to tell us. And the only way we can let you speak to us is if we just rejoice on the fact that you are now in heaven and that you were not one of us. I don't know what she exactly means by that but I am hoping that she's right.

Ah, I can't wait for the day that you would finally start talking to us. I hope it will be very soon. I miss you anak. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

Ading Linus heard your voice

So he says. It was last Sunday morning when Ading Linus believed he heard your voice. Mama only told me about it today. Apparently, he woke up and went straight downstairs to Inang's room leaving Ading Cxyrelle upstairs on her own while she was still sleeping. While Ading Linus was lying down on the bed, he heard you calling him "Ading", not just once but a few times. According to him, the voice originally came through the window then from the side where Inang's mirror is. Then when yje voice came on again, it was from the closet and the door, until he heard it coming from the ceiling, from your room. I asked Ading if he was asleep because maybe then he was just dreaming, but he said he was wide awake. Knowing Ading Linus, he got scared and covered his face with a blanket and called Inang. He told her what happened.

Mama told me that when you were here, you didn't like leaving Ading Kika on her own upstairs and you would always call Ading Linus to look after her when you needed to go downstairs. Perhaps that's what happened that's why Ading Linus heard you calling him? I am not sure, but Ading is adamant that he heard you. There is definitely nothing wrong with that but you know how Ading is like, he easily gets scared. You probably remember how he reacts whenever you tried to scare him before. He couldn't even watch Seven Avengefold's music video for one of their songs.

But Ading was quite happy to tell me the story. H seemed to be very sure that it was your voice that he heard. Bless him.

I know you are watching over them. Thank you anak. Your Adings surely miss you so much.

BY the way, Ading Linus, Tito JL and I skyped for the first time. I just found out that Tito also has a skype so we tried it and it worked. How I wish you were here so we could all skype together. I miss you so badly you know. I always think about you. I love you so much.

Mommy Tintin

You finally visited Inang

Inang has been hoping and praying that you would visit her soon. Then the other night you finally did.

In Inang's dream, you were definitely gone. She apparently entered a house and you were inside. They took you out of your eternal bed and put you on top of another bed covered in white sheets. When Inang saw what they did, she cried but a lady dressed in white approached her and comforted her. The lady told her not to cry anymore because they were also going to put white wings on you. Inang said you were very handsome. According to her, you were clothed in a very beautiful gold outfit, just like what they normally put on Sto. Nino.

photo from free-extras.com

So, while Inang was watching, she noticed a man entering the door. She greeted the old man, but he ignored her and carried on walking. The room was apparently full of people dressed in white, but Inang didn't recognize any of them. All the doors and the windows were closed. When Inang went out of the house, she saw Daddy Henry. Daddy Henry thought that Inang didn't see you. But she told him she's just been inside. Then they closed the door behind her and that's when she was woken up. 

Inang tried to go back to sleep again because she didn't want her dream to end. She told me whenever she wakes up in the night thinking about you, she wouldn't normally go back to sleep anymore. But this time, she was keen to fall asleep again hoping that her dream would go on. She said she doesn't know what her dream means. She's still trying to figure out what the message is. I'm sure my religious friend knows. So when I go back to work next week, I'm going to ask her.

Ah, just last night I was crying because I was missing you and now Inang dreamt about you. By the way, Inang told me that whenever she misses you she hugs your photo and she feels like she's hugging you for real because the frame feels really thick. Perhaps you do hug her back.

And oh, on Monday, Tito JL also dreamt about you. He said in his dream he knew you were gone, but he felt like you were still with us.

I know you're just there anak. Just continue to pray and watch over us. Although we miss you very much, we know that you're in a better place. We love you very much always and forever.

Mommy Tintin