I can almost hear your music playing.... and Mama's dream

So after what, 10 months? Ading Linus has finally decided to open your violin. Mama told me that he was teaching Ading Cxyrelle how to play the violin. Remember you told Mama before that Ading Cxyrelle doesn't need to go to Casa to learn because you were going to teach her? It looks like Ading Linus have felt that and he is filling your shoes in. I know he is not that good as yet, but at least he knows the basics. I can only imagine them holding their violins sat on the bed fiddling with it, with you perhaps just behind them watching them and smiling at them. I am definitely sure you are very happy to see your Adings like that. I just wish you were there physically teaching them, too. Ading Linus is so determined to learn the violin this time. In fact he has even agreed to play at a concert on the 26th of this month. I know I don't have to ask you, but please anak, guide Ading okay? I know he is doing this for you and he will be good at it because he looks up to someone who was the best.

Also the funny thing is, the night before Mama had a butterfly in her room. And today while she was telling me about your Adings playing with the violin, she had a grasshopper. Maybe it's you telling them you were with them and that you're proud of what they are doing. Ah, you are deeply missed anak.

But you know what? Mama kept having bad dreams about you. Most of the time when she dreams about you, you are either sick or really gone (I know you are but you know). Last night she dreamt that you were in the hospital and she was hugging you. You were just saying "Mama", and while she was hugging you, you were gone. Mama wants to know why everytime she dreams about you, it's sad like this. I would like to think that maybe it's a message for all of us that no matter how hard we would have tried that you would have left anyway. To me that's what it means, that we wouldn't have been able to save you no matter what. Perhaps it was really your time to go. I don't know, but how I wish I knew what this is all about. Even now I still have bad dreams but they are not as clear as the ones before. I sleep with Meow and although I dream, I really can't remember anything. My dreams have become really vague. And most of the time when I dream, I am no longer holding Meow so I always end up looking for it.

Anak, you know I miss you so much everyday, and I love you too more than you know.

Mommy Tintin