On heaven and souls

I grew up a catholic and I was even once a Cathechist. Of course I strongly believed in heaven and souls way back then...until you were taken away.

I guess it's normal for a bereaved mother like me to reassess my beliefs and worse, even question them. I got so confused when you left that I was not sure anymore if I had to keep believing that your soul has gone up to heaven. How could I believe that now? I know there is a body, but is there really a soul? Does heaven really exist? I have never been as skeptical as this when it comes to my religious beliefs. I know I am very much reluctant in believing history at times because the books that I have read may have just been written by a random person who has not actually experienced anything that has happened in the past. I know I totally don't make sense. But anyway....

Last night I told my friend about Papa's dream and she was teary-eyed and told me that she believes that you are indeed in heaven. She told me that when her mom was sick for a month, her soul traveled to heaven back and forth. Her mom apparently told them that she came back because heaven was too far and not everyone managed to get there. And according to her mom, she saw a long flight of stairs that she needed to climb up in order to get to heaven. She passed away eventually. I have heard of such stories before and I honestly believed them. But since you left I have had doubts. However, since your visit to Papa, I have been trying to convince myself that you are in heaven and that it exists for once and for all. I know I need a lot of reassurance on this, but in no time I will be able to convince myself fully that there is indeed life after death.

You probably think that mommy is crazy for thinking this way. But eventually things will definitely become clearer to me. Until then.....

Wherever you are, just know that I love you dearly and that I always think about you.

Mommy Tintin