Tito JL's weird dream

I had a chat with Tito JL on facebook this afternoon. He apparently had this weird dream about Jesus. I thought it was about you, but it obviously wasn't. Anyway, Tito was with this old bearded man dressed in white. He said the old man looked like one of Jesus's apostles. Jesus on the other hand was nailed on the cross, but just his left hand. His right hand was free and Jesus was holding Tito's hand. Then Jesus asked the old man to get something for Him. There was a small hole on the wall and a small pendant appeared. The pendant looked like "XI". Tito doesn't know the shape of the pendant. But it was XI and the symbols were together. The I is smaller than the X.

The first thing that came to my mind was that XI in natural number is 11. So, I thought of your age because you were 11 when you were taken away. Then the other thing that I thought about was my birthday. But I am not sure what Tito's dream is all about. I asked my friend about it but the only thing she said was that Tito needs to get more closer to Jesus in view of his faith in Him. The way my friend explained it, someone will not hold your hand if they don't want you to get close to them. It does make sense that way but I know there is another meaning to that. I know it's really weird to dream about this kind of thing, but perhaps Tito was watching something related to this before he went to bed. I am really curious of his dream and I am even considering of going to a dream interpreter.

But I will see if I can call home tomorrow and ask Inang for her opinion. Tomorrow is Friday so it's skype day. I just hope that there's an electricity tomorrow so I can speak to them.

For now I gotta go to bed anak as it's late. Please remember that you're always in my thoughts. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

Mommy had a bad day

I was  gonna write something about the rainy season but I didn't get the chance to sit down and write on my supper break. And now it's late.

For the last few weeks work has been really busy and almost everyone is irritating me. Perhaps it's just stress related but sometimes it's just too much. I was very hungry and when I told somebody I needed to have supper, they didn't care. They made me do something that I couldn't say no to instead. Oh well....

So I have told my other boss that I was offered a job in london and provided that my security checks are okay then I will be leaving soon. She was pleased for me, but I hope she was honest with her feelings. I owe them a lot and I will make sure that I will make them proud. I am not forgetting that I owe them everything that I am professionally today. Oh well, apart from the fact that I was born efficient and with a lot of common sense.

I will write more tomorrow anak as I need to go back to work now.I'm really glad that you're always there to listen. I love you dearly and I miss you terribly.

Mommy Tintin

Now I can tell you all about it

Sorry anak I was not able to tell you properly all about this yesterday because I had to tell my boss first just in case someone from work reads my letters to you and found out about it here.

Basically, I went for an interview at one of the biggest and most famous hospitals in London yesterday. I was not really expecting to get the job because I didn't put so much effort on it. My excuse was that I found out about my interview the week I was in Bristol so I didn't have much time to prepare for it. But on Saturday, I made sure that I did my presentation and put more time on it than anything else. Well you know, I did a bit of research on the job and other issues, but honestly I would have put more effort on it if only I had more time. But that really doesn't matter now because I have been successful and they have offered me the job.

It was funny really because I was so nervous when I was doing my presentation that I finished in less than 5 minutes. We were only given five minutes anyway. But because I was afraid I mumbled my way thorugh it, I asked them if they understood what I was trying to convey to them and they all laughed. I apologized for speaking too fast because I always do that when I am nervous. But they said, I have told them everything that they needed to know. One of them even said that he couldn't really find anything to ask because I have told them most of it.

I am just happy that I am finally getting out of Bristol for good. With everything that I have been through in the last six months or so, I think I deserve to start afresh. Perhaps this will be better for my emotional well-being.

I am looking forward to working at this hospital and I am proud because I never ever dreant of working there. It is big and well known for their good services so I am very pleased to be a part of it soon.

I hope that the Lord will continue to guide me. And if this is one of His ways to ease the pain of losing you, then so be it. Although I know that the pain will always be there.

I know that you're always watching me from up there. I spoke to you before I went for my interview and asked you to guide me. I am very sure you did. Thank you anak and please thank God for me too.

I love and miss you so much.

Mommy Tintin

Could this be the beginning?

I have this ambivalent feeling towards the good things that are happening right now (and will still happen) in my life. I feel like I shouldn't be happy when things start to fall right into place. And who can blame me? Last year I was having the time of my life. I got my dream job, a bit more money, stable married life and a complete family. I couldn't have asked for more. If I was able to build a new house for you and our family, that would have been just a bonus. I almost had everything that I wanted in my life. But then sadly, you were taken away.

And now that the same thing is about to happen, I am scared that beyond another successes is another heartbreak. As much as I want to be very happy, I am holding back because of what happened last year. I don't want to be happy again and then something bad will happen, God forbid. A lot of  times when I can't help myself but be happy, I would suddenly stop and think that the last time I did that, you were taken away. So sometimes if I am laughing too much when at work, with friends or even with Daddy Don, negative thoughts come rushing through my head and then I'll stop. Perhaps this is what losing someone can do. 

I hope that this time anak will be different form last year. Remember when people said that you were taken away for a reason and that we will see within the next two years good things will start happening to us? I truly hope so, because even if no better thing can replace you, I am still hoping that somehow we will find the reason why you were taken away.

Today, I hope I made you proud up there. I know God helped me and you too. Although I was hopeful, I was not expecting to be given that opportunity. So I hope that this time it will be better and that this will be the beginning of something beautiful and new. With the Lord's grace....

By the way, Tito JL had a centipede in his room the other night and he didn't know what to do with it because he was scared. Then I told him to kill it. Papa then found out about it too and so did Mama, and they both said not to kill it, but just to get rid of it because you wouldn't have wanted to kill it. So Tito flushed it in the sink, haha! So sorry anak I forgot that you didn't kill anything that had life even if they could be harmful. Next time, I know what to say and do.

Are you missing me? I bet you do. If only I can speak to you on skype again and tell you how handsome you are. I am missing you so much.

I love you.

Mommy Tintin

The Painting

I hung out with a friend last night and she mentioned that she may have dreamt about you. She was not entirely sure but according to her, you were the only boy she knew who could paint. Apparently in her dream, a boy handed a painting to her and the boy said, "please give it to her". She described the painting as Van Gogh-ish. She thought Van Gogh was your favourite painter but I told her it was Monet. 

I know I was trying to introduce Van Gogh to you. Remember I asked you to paint the sunflower and the "starry, starry night" for me? You didn't copy exactly the same thing because you didn't like the idea of copying paintings. You always changed how they looked and made it your own.

My friend was eventually convinced that the boy in her dream was probably you. She told her mom about it and her mom apparently offered eggs for you and for me. I thought that was so sweet of them.

So if the boy was you then at least you spoke. 

I miss you so much already. I wish you could come back. Mommy loves you.

Mommy Tintin

You probably would have been a priest

When you were in either first or second grade, your teacher asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up. You answered, "to be a fireman or policeman". I would have loved you to have said "a lawyer or a doctor", only because we were made to believe that these people ear more money than firemen or policemen. I was actually surprised you didn't say "train driver" because you were fascinated by trains. Papa even used to take you to Manila just so you could ride the train.

But as you grew older, Mama noticed a lot of changes in your aspirations. Your interests have become more art and music oriented. But even then, you never really mentioned that you wanted to be a full pledged artist or a musician (not to me anyway). Although saying that, you considered going to high school in Mt. Makiling.

Then you got into reading the Bible and prayer books. You prayed the rosary more often than anyone I know. You turned into this very religious young boy. Mama told me that when she noticed you reading the Bible and praying a lot, she wondered whether you wanted to be a priest. And when she asked you, you just simply smiled. I remember when I was telling my friend about you. She said that if you were still here, you would have been a "prophet" when you grew up. But then she said, people who don't have the "faith" may not have believed in you because they wouldn't understand that you were sent on earth with that purpose. Perhaps this is also the reason why God has taken you away, so that you will not have to go through scorning from unbelievers.

Inang's dream keeps popping in my head. Tito JL told me that they made you a Sto. Nino. And my friend also told me that you looked like Sto. Nino anyway. I am not sure, but somehow at the back of my head I am thinking that maybe there was something religious in you. Only if someone can definitely tell us what your real purpose on earth was. But for the meantime, I will just have to keep finding out about that purpose.

I miss and love you so much.

Mommy Tintin

Our Lifetime Wish

If we could have a lifetime wish

A dream that would come true,

We'd pray to God with all our hearts

For yesterday and You.

A thousand words can't bring you back

We know because we've tried...

Neither will a thousand tears

We know because we've cried...

You left behind our broken hearts

And happy memories too...

But we never wanted memories

We only wanted You.

- Author Unknown

I am missing you so much tonight anak. How I wish you could have stayed longer with us. I love you so much.

Mommy Tintin