All I want for Christmas...

While other parents are excited to buy gifts for their children, I am wishing just for one thing-  you! I know it is impossible, but if there is one thing that God would ask me to do, I would do it without a doubt just to have you back. It's only a few days before Christmas and I still don't feel it. Yes, there are christmas ornaments all over London, but they no longer have no meaning to me. While I was waiting for the tube this afternoon, I was kind of thinking that Christmas is just going to be an ordinary day and it will soon pass. The new year will be here soon too, but same thing- it will pass. 

Mama told me that she's planning to have your netbook fixed as your christmas gift. I know you would love that. We know how important that netbook is to you. You did quite a bit of work on that little thing before you left us. Remember you made the star-fishing artwork on there? It would be really nice if Mama can have that fixed.

Is there anything else that you would have liked for Christmas? I really never heard you ask for anything for Christmas, so I'm sure you will be okay with whatever. As for me, I probably will go to Church with Meow and Daddy to pray for you and to thank God at the same time. I know I sometimes make tampo, but thinking about it, there are still a lot of things that I can be thankful for. Sometimes I also think that God took you so you can be spared from all the heart aches that we still have to endure. I am certain that you are happier where you are.

By the way, I am reading a new book about heaven. I am not sure if I like it though because I don't get the way the writer was telling the story. Besides, it gives a different perspective on heaven. I still intend to finish it, but I am not enjoying it at the moment. I kind of like Heaven is for Real and 90 Minutes in Heaven better as that's how I know heaven.

So, I hope you will visit me for Christmas. I just want to hug you and kiss you again even just a dream. I will be missing you loads this Christmas. I love you so very much.

Mommy Tintin

New angels laid to rest

Almost five days after the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, families and friends of the victims face what would be the most difficult day of their lives as this would be the last time they will ever see their beautiful children. I can't even find the right words to say at this moment. I have been reading news about the shooting and it just hurts so bad. Seeing photos of those beautiful kids just tears my heart out. It brought back memories when you left. 

There have been lots and lots of tributes for the children and their teachers. And I am really grateful that there are grieving mothers out there who are willing to lend emotional support. Honestly anak, they are also of great help to me. Somehow I find comfort visiting their site and exchanging messages with other grieving mothers.

I found this beautiful poem on the site and I would like to share it with you:

Remembering Newtown Connecticut 

Little faces, little hands

Tiny minds with weekend plans

Full of hope as Christmas nears

Replaced with parents' bitter tears.

Twenty children full of joy

Took just moments to destroy

All their futures swept away

On this sad December day.

Heroes hid them from his sight

Gave their lives up in the fight

Twenty-six have died in vain

Hundreds filled with grief and pain.

Pray for those who died this day

And for those who walked away

Lives were shattered...hope is gone

Pray that they can carry on.

This was such a needless thing

Yet it keeps on happening

Loss of life from senseless crimes

These are sad and frightening times.

Pray for those this evil harms

With broken hearts and empty arms

With Christmas gifts to be returned

And lessons better left un-learned.

People need someone to blame

The news for giving killers fame...

Our mental health and gun reform

And meanwhile violence is the norm.

Pray our world can turn around

That some solution can be found

That love can overcome the hate

And peace can be our countries' fate.

Jennifer Komives ♥ Copyrights 2012

photos from grieving mothers

I'm sure you will soon meet them in heaven. You can teach them how to paint and play the violin. I wish you can tell me when you've met them. How I wish.

For now baby, I want you to know that I love you so much. Mommy misses you so badly.

Mommy Tintin

Someone In Heaven Loves Me by Shari Soklow

I am really grateful for Grieving Mothers on facebook because  of their encouraging and meaningful poems and photos. I also met a few grieving moms on that page that I now regularly keep in touch with. 

Today I want to share a poem with you:

Someone in Heaven loves me, 

And guides me on my way... 

I love someone in Heaven, 

But in my heart they will stay.

Heaven is not a far place... 

There is no better place it seems. 

Its a land more large and kind than earth, 

I go there in my dreams...

I thought this was the best place, 

When you were by my side. 

But when you left my heart broke- 

A million tears I cried!

Then one day I saw a miracle! 

That healed my broken heart. 

I realized the loss of you, was just in me, 

For the little while, we have to part-

While you are in your new life,

My journey is not through...

But the day will come for me to join you,

And start my life anew!

For our lives are like a circle

With no beginning and no end...

We are souls in physical bodies,

And those bodies, we will transcend...

Someone in Heaven loves me,

And guides me on my way.

Until we meet again in Heaven...A place not far away!

I know you love us as much as we love you anak. We miss you so so much!

Mommy Tintin

Your very last school Christmas party

I chatted with your friend HJ for a bit yesterday and she told me that she was preparing for your class Christmas party. I still like to talk about them or your school as if you never left. Last year, you had fu on your Christmas party and I'm glad Mama took some photos and videos. I can just look back at them this time of the year.

The first photo I will show you is the last Christmas photo you have with Ading Linus. You were wearing your favourite shirt. 

And this one is perhaps your last photo with your friends:

And these are your photos having fun:

And just like those 20 other angels and more, I'm sure you will have a better Christmas than those you left behind. I can imagine bright lights and voices of angels singing praises to Jesus. Oh, how I wish you could tell me how Christmas is like in heaven.

I miss you this christmas season and years to come! I will always love you.

Mommy Tintin

I am still heartbroken

Daddy and I watched more about what happened in Newtown, Connecticut this morning and we both couldn't contain our emotions. We found ourselves hugging each other and then tears started to fall. It was like January 28, 2012 all over again. A lot has been written about the tragic incident and it gets too much to bear sometimes. I was not sure at first if I should be sharing my opinion on this, but there was something I really wanted to say and so I wrote this:

Watching the heartbreaking news about the Connecticut tragedy only brings back the painful memory when I received the phone call that our son has passed away. What happened to those innocent kids in Newtown is beyond anything any parent would have imagined. Lucky are those parents who still have their children regardless of how naughty or stubborn or of a headache they are, because us grieving 

parents would rather have our children that way than lose them. And please do not tell your children, "Now be good, look at what happened to those children", because anyone does not need to be good to be spared from any tragedy, they are not necessarily bad that's why they are taken away. Our child was the definition of a good child and I believe so as most, if not all of those kids in Connecticut and yet we still lost them. Just hug your children tight and let them know how much you love them today and everyday of their lives. My heart goes out to the victims and their families.

It's really hard to speak in times like this. But since I have been and still going through what could be the most difficult journey of motherhood, I thought I'd extend my sympathy to the family of those children.

Photo from Grieving Mother's facebook page.

I'm sure one day soon you will meet at least one of the 20 kids that were taken away on Friday. I know without asking you, you will look after them. We love you so much dear angels and we will be missing you for the rest of our lives.

Mommy Tintin

20 new angels

I have just read a very sad news about a shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. I don't know what to say. What happened to you was ever so painful, but perhaps this tragedy is worse. At least we kind of believe that your passing was "maybe" God's will. But unfortunate circumstances like what happened to those children are quite difficult to understand. I feel so sorry to those parents who have lost their children from this. It is so heartbreaking.

Photo By ADREES LATIF/REUTERS (from yahoo.com)

The photo above caught my attention because it is so meaningful to me. I wonder if the man is looking up in the sky asking God why he allowed that to happen. In movies that I have watched before whenever someone looked up in the sky, they tend to ask where God was or if there was ever a God.

I feel so sad about what happened anak. Please pray for those angels and the families they left behind.

As for me, I am missing you so much. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

Christmas won't be the same without you..

One of my favourite christmas songs sung by my favourite Martin Nieverra. I haven't actually sang the song for years and then yesterday I was watching my favourite Sarah G live and heard the song. It's actually more of a love song than anything else, but I just like the title because I know Christmas is never going to be the same without you. It's only a few days before Christmas and I am feeling the prick already. I don't know how Mama and your Adings are going to celebrate their Christmas, but I'm sure they will be missing you loads. As for me, I am still debating with Daddy Don whether to put up a Christmas tree or not. Maybe we should because this is Meow's first Christmas away from home. Maybe we should do it for him and perhaps for you. Unfortunately fireworks are not allowed here unless you get a permit. I know you loved fireworks.

Al though the song may not be appropriate for you, I just want to share it with you because I'm sure you haven't heard the song.

It's the time of year when good friends are near 

Tryin' hard to find a quiet moment, 

Sharing love and joy, children with their toys 

Sadness fills my heart to see you go 

Christmas won't be the same without you (without you) 

Christmas won't be the same if you go 

All I need to see standing by my 

Christmas tree (is you) 

Christmas won't be the same without you 

I remember when the times we used to spend 

Walking hand in hand until the sun sets, 

Then came Christmas eve, the wish you gave to me 

How I wish I tried to make you stay 

It's been a long, long time 

I need you by my side 

Hold me tight and don't let go 

Let go 

I will be missing you this Christmas and on Christmases to come. I love you so much baby.

Mommy Tintin