Graduation Month

Of course I am jealous. You would have been called a graduate this month too, but unfortunately you had to go home to Jesus early.I know you would have been very happy to finish grade school and further your studies. I remember you wanted to go to the Science school in Olongapo. You also considered attending National Arts School in Makiling. I can tell now that you were serious about becoming an artist. How I wish God has given you more time to fulfill your dream. But as other people have always said, God has a reason for everything. And whatever that is, I'm sure it's for the better.

So teacher Nhica posted your friends' photo on facebook and I couldn't help but cry. You would have been in that photo, too. I am thankful that I got to know your friends, but it would have been better if you were still here so I could talk to you about them. They are a nice bunch of crazy kids and I like them. I am sure that you are proud of your friends for getting this far.

Your bestfriend Aga graduated yesterday. Apparently he has been busy studying for his entrance exam at the Science School. If you think he should go there then help him anak. I know you will. That way, he can make your dreams come true. I know you two really wanted to go to school there.

I miss Aga. I haven't spoken to him for a while. Maybe when he's not that busy anymore.

Hayyy, how I wish you were here. I miss you a lot baby. Please visit me again soon. I love you so so much.

Mommy Tintin

Thank you for the visit anak

I finally dreamed about you last night. You were wearing your favourite yellow button down shirt that I gave you. We were walking hand in hand and I asked you if you were okay. You said you were and I pinched your cheeks and kissed you. Your skin was so soft and your cheeks were really chubby. You were so handsome.

Too bad it was such a short visit, but it's better than not visiting me at all. You know I miss you so much. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I love you anak ko. 

Please visit me again soon.

Mommy Tintin

I did it again!

So, I ran my first ever half marathon last Sunday for you. I must admit that it was the most difficult run that I have done so far. It was very cold. But I wanted you to be proud of me so I endured the cold to finish my run in 2 hours and 30 minutes. It's funny how you make me feel like you were with me. I was becoming impatient because I felt like I have ran 10km when in fact, I have only ran 5k. I hate it that they actually put how many km have you ran. It doesn't  help me at all.

Anyway, at 16km I was feeling really tired and I already wanted to walk, but then your favourite song "Lighters" came on. I always get embarrassed whenever I want to give up and this happens because I know that you're telling me not to give up because you believe I can do it. So I carried on until the last kilometer when your song came on again. Ha, maybe you were telling me this time that you were proud of me. I don't know but whenever I am running, your song always comes on when I am ready to give up. That's your little trick on me and it always works.

So anak, my first ever half marathon was for you.

 

I love you and I miss you so much baby.

Mommy Tintin

 

Taking the extra mile for you

We're now in Holland for the Hague half marathon. It is my first half marathon and it's your Daddy's third. The weather in England has been really bad lately so we really didn't train as much as we should. I only ran 20k once and I think it was not that bad. After the run, I felt like I could have ran more. The only thing is, I killed my left middle too. It is now black. It was painful at first, but the pain is completely gone now.

So tomorrow is the day and it's raining in the Netherlands. Daddy and I are quite worried as we really never ran in the rain before. I am most worried of the cold really because I am not very good with it. Besides, I left my jacket in London. In fact I left a lot of my running stuff because I didn't have much time to pack, so all was done in a rush. Even Daddy forgot his gloves. So I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. But I am confident that Father God will guide us and of course, you will be there to look over us too.

I feel bad because I am not able to sponsor Casa San Miguel. It is the only charity that I want to help at the moment because I want to help kids who are talented yet can't afford to go to art and music school to hone their talents. I want to keep your legacy that way. But I am not losing hope. One day I know I will be able to help Casa San Miguel in my own way. I just need some time.

Thank you for the inspiration anak. If it were not for you, I wouldn't have gone the extra mile to prove to myself that I can do anything. You are the only reason why I am doing these things. You are my inspiration.

Ah, I miss writing to you. But even if I don't, believe it or not, you are constantly in my thoughts. I miss you so much.

I love you baby.

Mommy Tintin

Daily learnings: Day 1

I have not only written for a day and it seems a long time for me already. I am trying to search for something---perhaps solace. It's never ending anak and I keep fighting. I am not sure when will this ever end and if I ever will get tired. But I live in your mantra, so I know I can do everything. I just need your guidance and of course the Man above.

Today, this is what I learned from Nicky Gumble:

"Sometimes we feel ourselves facing a seemingly impossible situation. It might be a relationship that seems to have broken down irretrievably or some issue to do with health, finances or something else where change seems impossible. But with God there is always hope, no matter how bad things look. Nothing is impossible with God. His power makes all things possible."

I have only one prayer today- that everything will get sorted and that we remain together.

As much as I want to pour my heart out, I can't.

Just know that no matter what happens, I love you. I wish you'd never left. It would have been easier. Missing you loads anak.

Mommy Tintin

365 letters

I can't believe that I have been writing to you everyday for a year now. Time flies really fast. Writing is the only thing that I could do to express how I feel. It helped me a lot to recover from your loss. There is something about writing to you that made (and still makes) me feel better.

A lot of things have happened since I started writing to you, some good, others bad. These letters are a reflection of my emotions since you left. I may have not completely disclosed everything here, but one day I will.

It's been so nice talking to you in letters. You have taught me a lot of things. You taught me how to be honest with my feelings and you allowed me to just be myself. 

I am still in search of that purpose and I have not completely recovered from your loss. I don't know how long will this journey take, but I am hoping that someday somehow, I will learn to fully accept that things happen for a reason. I still believe that God has a purpose and soon I will know.

After 365 letters I'm sure I will still be writing to you. It may not be everyday now, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about you anymore. You will always be in my thoughts, wherever I go, whatever I do. I will continue to work hard to make my dreams for you come true.

If I am not able to write to you, I will instead speak to you when I speak to God.

Thank you for giving me the inspiration to write to you everyday. And thank you for proving to me that I can do anything. I live in your life's mantra, "Kaya ko po, Ako pa". You will forever be my inspiration.

I love you very much anak ko and nothing will ever change that. I will miss you every single day of my life.

Mommy Tintin

P.S. - Papa has left for Saudi again. Please watch over Mama, Inang, Tatang and your Adings.

I somehow know why God took you....

-to spare you from all the drama. I keep thinking that if you hadn't left and things are as what they are now, I don't know how you would have taken it. Somehow I believe that God wanted you to be spared from all the heartaches that this life may bring. Now it's becoming clearer that God may have wanted you to stay pure. I'm not sure but it feels like that.

I need to understand things more and I know one day I'll find out the answers that I have been looking for. With God's help.

I love you so much. Missing you everyday.

Mommy Tintin