Back to school

Your friends went to school officially today. Your Adings won't go back until next Monday. I feel really sad because you would have been on your 7th grade and I would have loved to hear your stories about your first day at junior high. I'm sure you would have been excited.

All I have now is your photo before you left for school with your Adings and Ate Bianca. Perhaps I would just need to look at it if I am missing my angel as a student.

I am missing you so much. Please come back even for a day. I just want to hug you tight, smell your kili-kili and pinch your cheeks! I love you so much Keith pogi.

Mommy Tintin

Ading is 10

Today is Ading Lye's 10th birthday. I called to greet him on my way to work. He said he didn't want a cake, so I think they only had a simple celebration at home with some of our neighbours. Mama said that Ading wants to do a lot of thing but he can't because he always thinks about you. Everything that he wants to do reminds him of you. I think things are still difficult for Ading. In time I'm sure he will be able to continue what you both have started.

Anyway, here's Ading's handa for his birthday:

I'm sure your Adings miss you so much and you miss them too. This is Ading's second birthday without you. We can only wish you were here.

You are deeply missed. We love you very very much.

Mommy Tintin

Your teacher and the girl on the road

Hi anak, I was meant to write to you yesterday but I didn't get the chance. Something happened that upset me. But don't worry anak because it hasn't got anything to do with me. It's just yesterday, I saw this girl in the middle of the road on her own, crying. She may have been 2 or three years old. Luckily the truck stopped. I heard the loud horn from the truck and when I saw the girl, I wondered where the mother was. I realized that she was actually a few metres away from the child, pushing her bike. The mother was probably reminded by the loud horn that her daughter was left behind so she went to pick up the girl. But I saw that she was angry from how she lifted the girl. Then she dropped her on her bike, pushed it and let it go in the middle of the road. I attempted to help the girl but the mother beat me to it. I was so upset that I had to cool down and drop my clothes at the laundrette first and then went back to find them, but unfortunately they were gone. I was so shocked I didn't know if I had the right to tell the mother off. But I was so angry that these people are even given the chance to have children. Life is really so unfair. While I would do anything and everything to have you back so I can love you and take care of you more than I used to. I just don't understand. It's hard to understand. This is what I have been complaining about. There are worse people out there. Why us and not them? But perhaps thats really life. I know the mother may have been going through something at that moment, but it was not a reason for her to treat her daughter like that. No child should be treated that way.

Anyway, Mama told me that your former teacher has passed away. I know that she was not your favourite teacher because of what she did to your friends, especially your bestfriend but you still respected her as your teacher and someone older than you. I am sure you will see her in heaven soon.

Anak, I miss you so so much. How I wish I could have you back. I love you so much.

Mommy Tintin

Darwin has joined you

When I logged on my facebook this morning, the first thing I read was Mama's post about Darwin. It broke my heart. Darwin was not just a fish, he was YOUR fish. One of the things that was making our everyday LIGHTER since you left was Darwin. He made us happy. Unfortunately Darwin has joined you. I am very sure that you are more than happy to have him again. Thank you for letting us experience Darwin for as long as we did.

Inang told me that she dreamed about you last night making "tampo". And then this morning, the found Darwin lifeless in the aquarium. So when I asked Inang what happened to Darwin, she said maybe he also made "tampo" that's why he died.

Rest in Peace, Darwin. We will miss you.

I love and miss you so much Keith. I think about you everyday.

Mommy Tintin

Chasing Our Dreams

I only realized now that I have not written to you for almost a month now. I am so sorry anak. I have no other reason than being tired and busy. But as I always say, that doesn't mean that I don't think about you because I always do no matter where I am, no matter what I do. You are constantly in my mind.

Well anak, I have a good news for you. I know we still have a lot to go through but I think I may have found a way to raise money for your charity. I found this website where people can donate money and I registered. So far, two people have donated. Unfortunately, I will need 5000 pounds in order to register a charity in the UK. But I am in no rush. I will take this one day at a time. I know it will never be easy, unless of course I had the money. So for now, I am holding on and hoping that there will be people out there who will join me in this journey.

Here is how your site looks like:

And here is the link: http://www.gofundme.com/2q7hgg

Even though I have posted it on both my page and your memorial page, our friends and family apparently have not fully engaged themselves in this. But I know one day, your dream, our dream will come true. We will be able to send least fortunate talented kids to art and music school.

I am sure you will ask Papa Jesus to help me with this endeavor. I love you so much Keith. I miss you so so much already. Wish you were here.

Mommy Tintin

I am missing you

I just suddenly felt sad and thought about you. I was looking for your photo when you had your first communion, and tears suddenly fell on my face. I know there will be days like this for the rest of my life. The pain, although becomes lighter with time, it doesn't go away. I don't think it ever will. Looking at your photos makes me realize how special you were. You were a great loss. I will tell you that over and over again. 

We know that you're happy where you are now. In fact, I dreamt about you the other night and there you were looking very happy. You were inside a car with Mama and Ading Cxyrelle. You smiled at me when you passed by. And then I saw you somewhere, I am not sure but maybe it was inside a room. I asked you how you were and you said you were very much okay with a huge smile. Your skin was so vibrant. You looked really happy.

You know sometimes, no matter how much you have made us feel that you're okay, we still feel the pain. That's normal anak because we miss you so so much. It's really not the same without you.

Please know that we love you so much anak. You may have been gone for over a year now, but it doesn't matter for you will live in our hearts forever. 

Mommy Tintin

Ading hums Hallelujah again

Remember last Easter when Ading Linus first sung the Easter song at our church? I thought that he won't do it again because he got scared the last time. But no, he did it again! I am so proud of Ading Linus. I'm sure you are prouder than we all are. It's just a shame that you were not here to support him physically, but I know you were watching him from heaven.

I miss you so much baby. It's two years since the last time I saw you. Ha, time has flown so fast.

Mommy loves you so very much.

Mommy Tintin