You continue to make us proud

By now a lot of people would have visited your paintings at the Harbor Point. I didn't know that it was going to be there for a while. But recently, people have been sending me messages and tagging me on their photos with your paintings. It leaves me speechless sometimes that you continue to inspire people and make us proud. If only those people who visit your paintings know that you're no longer here.

Anyway, so one of my friends (you probably have met her)posted a message and a photo on my facebook wall today, much to my surprise. And she wrote, "Ate tin, i wasn't able to light a candle or wear something blue on keith's anniversary in heaven and i felt bad so i decided to drop by and see his paintings at harbor point. I hope I made Keith smile in heaven". I'm sure you wouldn't mind if people forget your angelversary, but don't you think it's sweet? I am very blessed that I have beautiful people in my life.

I know you appreciate this anak and you probably are whispering "thank you" right now to everyone who always remembers you.

We love you Keith. You will never be forgotten.

Mommy Tintin

I'm jealous

While it is very easy for other people to ask for help and to be helped, it is such a struggle for some. I am saying this because remember I have always wanted to put up a foundation in your memory so we could help poor talented kids to go to art and music school, at the same time help the least fortunate children in our town with their medical needs? It seems like I have to go through an eye of a needle first before I even get anywhere. I don't know how to even make a start. I'm kind of reluctant now because I have asked for help a few times already so I could help Baby Jacob, but I don't seem to get a lot of help from other people. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I really just want to help. You are probably aware that I used to raise funds for Bantay Bata, right? Even then, I found it difficult to ask help from people. I don't know what people have in mind when you ask them for help, but sometimes they don't seem to trust you. Arrghhhh.

That's why I am jealous with the help that other charities are receiving. Perhaps they are more pro-active than I am. 

I am running the half marathon soon. I wanted to raise funds for your former art and music school because I want to help with their scholarship program, but unfortunately, they are not able to register with Just Giving. That was the only way I thought I could raise money for them. Well actually, I could use paypal, but based on my previous attempt to raise money for Baby Jacob's liver transplant, it didn't go that well. So, it's a shame that I will not be able to help your school this time.

But that doesn't mean I will stop helping. Whether you have a foundation or not, I would still help when I can and that's my promise to you. I just need to sort out my priorities first and then I will concentrate on raising funds for your school. I believe in their advocacy and I know that they have helped a lot of children realize their potentials.

I'm sure we can work together on this. When I am more ready, I will let you know. For now, please ask Papa Jesus to guide me.

You are missed very much Pochongchong. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

Renewing my relationship

I know it will not be easy but I am slowly trying to renew my relationship with God. No, I am not doing it with anyone. I am alone in this. I may not have the fellowship that every Christian has or need, but I know that will come eventually. For now, I just want to take things slow and enjoy every moment of my "getting to know you" phase with God.

After browsing on a few bible apps, I may have finally found the one that will help me build up my new relationship with the Lord. And since I started quite late, I am still catching up on the previous lessons. This is actually Bible in a year. 

At times, I feel a little lighter and more hopeful that God is in control and that I should stop worrying about anything. It's kind of hard for me not worry, but I am determined to lift everything up to Him. I know I just need to trust Him.

So anak, I'm sure you are pleased to know about this. I need your help though. I'm sure you will.

I'm still a baby in this again, so I will need more time to just do what I need to do.

As you are my little angel up in heaven, I'm sure you will guide me on this.

I will never get tired of telling you how much I love and miss you.

Mommy Tintin

Missing you

I just want to speak to you.....

I love and miss you so so much!

Mommy Tintin

I made some changes

but there's nothing to worry about. For more than a year now, I had your photo as my wallpaper on my mobile, but I changed that today for a reason. 

Since I started at my new job, people have asked if I had a child. I tried as much as I could to say no, although it was so hard for me because I felt like I was denying. But the only reason I had was that I didn't want people to feel sorry for me and I didn't want to make a fuss. Besides, when I slipped and accidentally told someone about you, she ignored me. She didn't give me any compassion at all. So since then, I thought that telling people about you at work may not be a good idea. Only one person knew about you, just because she is my boss and I feel that I should tell her.

But something happened few days ago. I was charging my phone when someone jokingly asked if I was also playing a music from it and he just all of a sudden press the button and your photo popped up. He was surprised to see your photo of course because I have never told them that I had a child. So he asked who you were and he just went on and on if you were my child. I tried to change the conversation by telling him that it is a long story and that I don't want to talk about you but somehow, he was forcing me to say something. So unguarded, I said that I lost you a year ago. I became so defensive and immediately told him not to worry because I am okay and life has to go on. It was so awkward because the person I tried to talk to about you before was sat beside me and I knew that she really didn't care. I just didn't know what to say. Thankfully, I managed to change the topic.

So here is the change I had to make just in case someone fiddles with my phone at work again.

From this:

                     

 To this:

It kind of hurts that I had to do this, but I know you understand anak. It doesn't mean that I will not be able to look at your photo everyday because your face is forever tattooed in my mind.

I love you Keith and God knows how much I am missing you all the time.

Mommy Tintin

Ading Cye and Meow

I skyped with Ading Cxyrelle this morning and I was holding Meow. She was so happy to see meow, she calls Meow "Miming" pala. I told her that Meow is actually older than her because Meow has been with you from the day you were born. So, she said that really, Meow should be her "Kuya". I sort of wasn't sure because for some reason I have always thought that Meow is a "she". If you noticed in my previous letters, I've always addressed Meow as a she. Maybe Ading is right. In fact even Daddy told me that Meow is a he. Now, you have to tell me if Meow is a he or she. :)

Also, Ading was showing me her collection of stuffed toys and hello kitty. Guess what? She has taken over your (and Ading Lye's) bed. Yes, she sleeps there on her own with her furry friends. Ading Lye sleeps with Papa and Mama. Ading Cye seems to be enjoying having her own bed. Oh and remember your other favourite toy? That big dog? It's still there and he is with Ading's friends. :)

Nothing really, I just want to give you a quick update. 

Hayyy, I miss you so much. I love you ha.

Mommy Tintin

Signs

Everyday I ask for signs to let me know that you're with me.....

I am missing you already, please visit me soon. Much love to you my beautiful angel.

Mommy Tintin