Family Photo

Was it a curse or a mere coincidence?

As far as I am aware, it is not our tradition to take family photos, unless of course there is a special occasion like birthdays, baptisms, weddings or school affairs. For some reason when I went home last summer, I insisted that we should have a family picture. I was not thinking of anything more than the fact that Papa and I now live abroad and I thought that eventually it will become more difficult for us to go home at the same time due to our different circumstances. And also I realized that Tatang and Inang are getting older and I really just wanted to make as much memories with them as I could. Besides, I can really not remember the last time we had a family picture. So I planned the whole thing. Originally, I wanted a more formal photo to be taken by Joeygene. Then Tatang and Papa were making fun of me. You know how they're like. Eventually, we settled to have our pictures taken under the mango tree, where the sun was shining onto our faces. At least we didn't have to put up with the heat inside the house, right? And also, we really didn't have to dress up except of course for Ading Cxyrelle who was wearing a gown that day. I remember everyone asking where she was going. Haha.

Sadly, this is our first and last family photo with you. I clearly remember that you really didn't want to take a picture. But we didn't pay any attention to it because we knew that you generally didn't like us taking photos of you anyway. But maybe if you only told us that it could be a bad sign, then we wouldn't have done it. Hayan tuloy, you have a sad face on our one and only family photo.

This is also our first and last photo as a "family' - Daddy Don, me and you. I am just so happy that at least we have this photo that we can always look back to. It would have been better though if you were here, so we can have more family photos together - in London, New York, Paris, Italy - all the places that we were planning to bring you to when you finished grade school. :(

I think I have been traumatized by this family photo thing. Right now, I really don't want to have anymore family photos. But perhaps I'll get over it one day. Also recently, I have been seeing a lot of family photos on facebook that I have not seen before and I started having negative thoughts. I am praying that what happened to us won't happen to them because believe me, it's a horrible thing. 

Please anak help me get rid of those negative thoughts. It's not really nice you know. But then again, you're no longer here. That's where all the negativity is coming from I guess. Ah, I don't know. I am confused.

But I love you and that's all that matters. I am missing you everyday.

Mommy Tintin