The Pity Word

You know yesterday I was exchanging texts with Papa. I asked him if he was able to call Ading Linus for his birthday. He told me he didn't because he was busy at work. I felt really bad about it and told him off. Little did I know that he has phoned earlier in the day but just didn't get the chance to ring back again. I told him that Ading Linus would have been "kawawa" (pitiful, woesome) if he had not called. Since then the word "kawawa" got stuck in my head and it has made me feel so sad. Because when you were in the hospital, that was the only word that I constantly uttered- "Kawawa naman si Keith, Kawawa naman yung anak ko". I was saying that word over and over again.

I feel really sad to the point of crying again because everything that  happened to you just automatically came back to me. I keep imagining things when you were in the hospital, only because I was not there and the only thing that I can do now is to imagine.

Mama told me all about inserting different needles on you arms and hands. Sometimes, it took them two or three times to take bloods or insert a venflon. You never cried, nor complain that you were in pain. You just let them do what they needed to do. Although Mama was very hurt from what she saw, she couldn't complain because all you have shown her was strength. You never showed her nor anybody that you were suffering. So it was not fair to show you that she was otherwise.

But that was not enough for me not to think that you were "kawawa", because I know you were.I can just about imagine what you went through. However, you were a very strong young man so now I have to be strong for you too and should stop thinking about those horrible times when you were at the hospital.

Honestly anak, I hope that I don't have to use that word anymore. It is horrible to think that someone is "kawawa", especially if they are young and helpless.

Hay naku, just another low moment for me because I am missing you so much. I just want to hug you again. Love you Pochongchong ko.

Mommy Tintin