The Very Last Time I Saw You

01 May 2011 was the last time I saw you in person, hugged and kissed you. Daddy and I were going back to London that day. And while everyone was busy preparing for our "despidida" under the mango tree, you were inside the house, drawing. I found this photo of you:

Then shortly after, we went back outside to have our family photos taken.

How I wish I paid more attention to everything that happened that day, most particularly those last moments that I spent with you. All I can remember now is when I asked everyone to gather under the mango tree to have a family photo. We took quite a lot of photo that day, but I clearly remember that you didn't want to have your photo taken even with us. But we managed to convince you anyway. Hay, it's really hard today because I keep looking at those photos, trying to recall every single thing that I did with you that day. I feel frustrated because I can't. I am just glad that Daddy took a lot of photos.

While looking at those photos, I noticed that at one point during that day, you were on your own while your Adings and the other kids play. Typical you I would say, but perhaps you were also thinking about something. If I could just turn back time, I should have approached you then and just talked to you- about anything.

See, although I don't have a concrete recollection of what occurred that day, these pictures are worth a thousand words.

And it looks like  the last ever moment I had with you that was captured is this:

And perhaps when it was time for me and Daddy to leave, I just kissed you on the lips and hugged you. And I probably just told you to be good and to study hard. It is just a shame that I can't remember our last conversation.

Oh, how I wish I can hold you in my arms again just like old times. I am really missing you so much. You visited me last night, but it was a blur. Perhaps you just wanted to spend the night with me.

I love you very much baby.

"Time spent with you

Was so very precious

Even if only for a very short time

I hold a special memory

Close inside this heart of mine

To me you were very special

Much more than words can say

I still love you now little angel

And I'll remember you every day."

- written for James (www.hydraencephaly.com)

Mommy Tintin

P.S.

One day anak I will be able write a poem for you. I love you.