The dreaded question

I met an old-ish lady today and we were talking about my trip to Italy. Somehow I mentioned that I went there with my husband and that's when she asked, "have you got children?". It took me few minutes to answer because I didn't know what to say to her. i hesitantly said, "I had, but lost him early this year". She was sorry to her that, but then she went on further as to what took you away. I told her the truth and explained to her what happened. She went really quiet and I thought I saw tears in her eyes, but I ignored it as I didn't want to cry. She asked if I would have any children of my own because I told her you were adopted. I said I would love to have children, but not quite. 

People have told me to start having children of my own after you left. But I find it insensitive. Perhaps people think that it will make me feel better. What they don't realize is that they asking me to replace you. I know that's probably not what they mean, but that's how I understand it. And worse this is sometimes, they have the tendency to disregard you as my son because I adopted you. I really don't understand that at all. Adopted or not, you were my son. End of.

Perhaps it's unavoidable to be asked if I had any children and I mean, it's okay. It's just that I always find hard to find the right words to say. I hope one day I'll find a better way to answer people when they ask that dreaded question.

I thought about you most of the day anak. I am missing you so much. I love you ha.

Mommy Tintin