Mama is still not that okay

I mean, I speak to Mama very often and most of the time she sounds okay. Little did I know that she's been crying every night and has not had a good night sleep in a while because she has been thinking about you. This is probably why she's started posting photos of you again on fcebook. At this point I really don't know what to say to her. I just wish I could be there to hug her and reassure her. It's really hard for me to be miles away from her and Inang. I feel so helpless.

 

I know now that she's definitely just pretending to be okay. I completely understand as I feel the same way too. It helps that I keep myself busy and I am doing a lot of things to keep me away from thinking about what happened to you. But really, these things don't keep me away from thinking about you. You're constantly in my thoughts. Sometimes at random times, I ask why you left us. I kind of like to go back to those days where things just happened and I had so many questions. It never ends you know.

 

I must say some days are definitely better than others. There is really no right words to say. The pain is always there. Just like today, someone just aske why God always takes the good ones first. I don't know. God only knows. And hopefully He will soon let us know too.

 

I just hope that Mama will be okay soon. She thinks that she's going crazy as she's been having dreams wherein she has been crying all the time. She told me about her dream last night. Apparently, Papa was sending a box for you and your Adings and while talking about it, she started crying even Auntie Vicky. She woke up with a heavy heart. She said last night was supposed to be the first night when she had a good night sleep. But then she dreamt about that. She thinks about you constantly. I feel so sorry for her.

 

I know you're always there to comfort here even if we don't ask you. Please keep an eye on her and everyone in our family. We are missing you so much and this journey has never been easier. I wish there was an easy way to deal with our loss.

 

We love you anak. There was never a day when we don't think about you and wish that you were here.

 

 

Mommy Tintin