Saying goodbye...(written on 21 August 2012)

as they say, is the hardest thing to do.

Tomorrow will be my last day at work.  After 10 years, I will finally be leaving Bristol for good. I am excited about this big move, but at the same time I am sad to be leaving my friends behind. I wanted to make my last few days at work memorable. I wanted to take pictures with my colleagues and everything that will remind me of my workplace for the last ten years, but something is keeping me from doing it. I am scared that this might be a bad sign or something. I know I am just paranoid, but since you left me, I have become more aware of everything that I am doing. But most of the time, it's all the negative thoughts. I don't know but I am afraid of doing something to that effect because something bad might happen. I know it's weird, but it's how I feel.

People who won't be at work tomorrow has said their goodbyes to me already. There was one person who already made me cry today. I have worked with her since I came to England in 2001. When she hugged me, I was reminded of when I heard the bad news about you because she was one of the first people I spoke to. I cried mainly because of the latter. It brought back memories of that very sad day. It was the same hug she gave me when she first saw me after you left you see. It was comforting. I will surely miss her, despite of our differences sometimes.

Ha, now I know I really hate saying goodbye. It was not as bad as before because saying goodbye then only reminded me of you as a young boy inside the car looking and waving at me when I was checking in at the airport. And now, it reminds me of that most painful moment when our family and friends had to say goodbye to you. It is really difficult.

I cry as I write this to you because I realized how much things have changed since you left. If Daddy and I didn't move to London, would you still be here? I know your leaving may not have anything to do with that, but why do these things happen? I know...for a reason....whatever that means.

I am missing you so much right now. I love you so very much.

Mommy Tintin

P.S.

Please give Tito JL comfort anak and tell Father God to guide him. He is going through something at the moment. I know you won't want to see him sad, so please be with him. Thank you.