It's almost the day....

Less than two months from now will be the most dreadful day of my life. It remains the saddest and the most unexpected event in all our lives. During this time last year, I was busy studying and moving from Bristol to London. I never realized that two months after that, you were going to leave us. If only I've known. It was also during this time that I really didn't call home that much because I was really busy. It was also this time of the year when you did a few things that you wouldn't really normally do. Maybe you were telling us that you were going to leave us soon, but as I said before we missed the signs. We simply didn't pay so much attention to it. This is because I never ever thought that you were going to leave us. It never really crossed my mind. Not this soon anyway.

I am not sure how I will celebrate Christmas knowing that you are not going to be around anymore. Tonight I went out to a pre-christmas meal with friends but I was not sure if I was meant to be doing that. At the same time, I think I should really start doing things like this because I need to find my new normal. Daddy and I are still thinking bout whether or not we should get a christmas tree this year. We didn't last year so I guess we won't this year either. Back home, they still don't have any christmas lights. Unusual isn't it? Because Inang is known to be putting up lights and decors as soon as the calendar hits September. But they are not so eager this year. In fact, I don't think they're planning to have any Christmas at all. It's going to be so difficult for us, especially to the people back home whom you're spent 11 years of Christmas with. It's just a shame that I only got to spend one Christmas with you, and that was even when you were just a baby. Ah, that reminds me that I have actually not gone home for Christmas in 11 years!

Time has gone really fast. I can't even believe that it's almost a year since we lost you. We are better yes, but our lives will never ever be the same again. We miss you everyday and all the time, I feel that there is always something missing in my life. There is always a broken piece and I don't think it will ever be fixed. Well, not until I probably see you again.

For now, I'm sending you loads of love to heaven. How I wish you can hear me say I love you again.

Mommy Tintin