January 28 is K Lighter Day

I have been thinking whether to have both your angel birthday and angelversary as K Lighter Days. However, I also thought that it may be too much for our friends and family to do what I have asked them to do, so I had to choose between your angel birthday and your angelversay. Since January 28 will remain the saddest day of my life, I decided to make it officially the K Lighter Day. My aim is to basically turn that sad day lighter as you would want it to be. What do you think? Don't worry because every beautiful day is a K Lighter Day. I also just want to have an official day, so there you go.

Last January 28, I asked our family and friends to make the day a K Lighter Day again just like what we did on your first angel birthday. I want to share what my friends have done for you. I am really grateful that some people never get tired of helping me remember you.

I met Michelle online via the Grieving Mothers. It' really such an honour for me that she actually participated on our K Lighter Day.

From my ever loyal and very good friend Mila and my ever supportive "virtual" friend Sarah. Sarah and I met over a a crazy sale on www.net-a-porter.com. It all started with my comment on not getting an Alexander Mc Queen bag. We have been in touch regularly since.

Ate Leng as you know is one of my good friends and she has always been there for me. And Emma is a friend from University, whom despite the distance and lack of communication, she remains to be so thoughtful.

I think you have met Alma before. perhaps when you were a baby. She is a good friend from high school.

This is from Tita Gara. Although I have only met her once in person, I know we have that special bond. And since then, I felt like she has been in my life for a long time.

And this is what I have done for you. I read the Bible, lit a candle, wore blue and played your song as soon as 12 midnight struck.

This is just to remind you that you are not forgotten. I will always be thankful that God has given me a boy who can make a dreadful day a K Lighter Day. Keep inspiring people young boy! We are so proud of you. 

My endless love to you,

Mommy Tintin

Our first day without you

Our first day without you also happened to be your 9th day in heaven. It was not that bad at all yet because after we sent you off, people remained in the house until your 9th day. I was going to say celebrate, but it was not like that. It's our tradition to pray and prepare some food on 9th day. Until now, I still don't know the exact reason why we do such thing. I never really asked Inang.

As usual, people came to join us. There were a lot of people which was good. Your friends and teachers came at lunch and some of them came back for dinner too. There were also children from different schools.

People were talking about your send-off. Some of them said that they haven't seen that many people in a long time. People were amazed on how talented you were. They didn't realize that you were that active in school and out until you left. They were actually surprised that you were joining competitions in other places.

Oh, I forgot to tell you that we gave away CDs of your favourite songs. And on your 9th day, we played your songs over and over again. We sang along and some kids danced as well.

I must say at this point we didn't feel that alone as yet because there were people in the house most of the time. Perhaps those who are still close to us didn't want to leave us. It is very good to know that  a lot of people wanted to help our family during our time of need. Most of them volunteered. We didn't even have to ask them to help. They were there as soon as they found out what happened to you. Our family is very blessed to have those people in our lives.

I am missing you so much anak. Please visit me again soon. Love you, okay?


Mommy Tintin

The Final Goodbye

05 February 2012 - We woke up very early after only a few hours sleep the night before because your "send off" was at midday. Inang was at your bedside already crying, asking you to forgive her for scolding you at times. She said it was because she loved you that's why she didn't want you to do naughty things. She kept saying that she would miss pressing your chunky legs. It was so heartbreaking seeing her cry. I'm sure it was an awful feeling to bury your grandchild. One by one, we went to tell you our last words. I was cuddling Meowmeow because that's the only I could think of getting closer to you. I couldn't say anything. I just wished you'd never left. 

The first few hours in the morning seemed long. Still, a lot of people came to see you until it was time to get ready because the people have arrived to pick you up. Inang and the rest of the oldies wanted you to have a band, but Papa, Mama and I disagreed because we knew that you wouldn't have liked that. You hated loud noise. So we decided to play your favourite song "Lighters" instead. Of course we edited it so as not to play the swear words. Instantly, the song became so famous that everyone, from children to adults were singing along as we walked you to church. You were in a horse-drawn carriage which was beautiful. We wanted to give you the best as we would have if you were only given another chance to spend more time with us. Your friends from the Knights of the Altar escorted you. All of your family and friends wore white. The number of people who turned up at your "send off" was overwhelming. I never thought that you were that known to people. There were of course a lot of children. I was so proud of you that you made such an impact on people.

When we arrived at the church, Ate Glory was playing the violin. There were already people at the church. Tito Roman coordinated everything and I was so happy with how they managed to arrange such a beautiful service. What they did was what they call a " Christian burial", just like what the famous President Aquino had. It was very solemn. 

Ate Glory played the violin for a few minutes before the mass started. And then there was a small program where a few people, (including me) gave their eulogy. I am not entirely sure of the order, but I think your friend F gave his eulogy first, followed by Sir J and a representative from your student council. Tito Roman did the first reading which was very heart-warming and comforting. I have totally forgotten what was it all about, but it was kind of telling us that God has taken you because someone like you who is pure shouldn't be stained or something like that. And then I gave them my eulogy. I tried not to cry but I was already crying even before I got in front. I was never a good speaker, but for some reason when I was standing in front of so many people (the church was full), telling them all about you, I was very confident and eloquent- for once. I could almost hear you telling me, "Kaya mo po yan, Ikaw pa". It was so overwhelming seeing people cry when I cried, and laugh when I laughed. I was standing there as the proudest Mommy, for having the best child anyone could ever hoped for. 

Your friends, and even Sister E then sung "Lighters" for you. At times we almost couldn't understand what they were singing because they were obviously crying. The choir also sang along with them, even the crowd. And while they were singing, your photos were being projected in front.

After the service was the offering of flowers. People queued to offer flowers for you and perhaps also to see you for the last time. We were all sat in front and as people passed by they expressed their sorrow and offered their condolences to each of us. Still, Ate Glory played the violin and then the choir sung a few songs until everyone has offered their flowers.

And then it was time to walked you to your eternal resting place. It was and still is the most painful walk I have taken in my life. Your song was playing all along and the more I listened to the song, the closer I felt of losing you forever. There was a part of the song that really indicates that we were getting closer to your resting place. I think it is the chorus before "Royce Da 5'9". Even Ading Cxyrelle said that actually. It is the beat of the drum (if ever there is) I think.

When we got to your resting place, everyone started crying again, Inang and Mama being the loudest. Inang wanted to touch you for the last time, but they didn't allow her. Apart from the day I found out that you were gone, this was the most painful of all. I knew from that moment that I would never see you again. There, we have lost our beautiful Keith forever.

I can't believe that it has now been a year since we bid farewell to you anak. Time has flown so fast. But this doesn't mean that we will forget you, for we never will. You will always be in our hearts and we will be thinking about you everyday of our lives. We love you so very much as we have loved you all your life. Nothing will ever ever change, only that you are no longer here.

Mommy Tintin

Your Last Night

04 February 2012- I was getting more and more emotional because I knew that we only had less than hour to be with you. When we have taken you to your resting place, that was it. We would never see you again. And the many people who came to join us for at least 7 days would soon disappear so the sadness that we would feel would be twice as much.

I stayed close by you the whole night. Apart from being embarrassed by the amount of people outside, I wanted to stay with you as much as I could because that was  our last night with you.

Your friends came earlier and left quite early too, but Aga stayed until about 2am. In fact he didn't want to go home, but we asked him to because his Dad was with him. 

Earlier that evening, there was also a mass. I was worried at first because I thought the amount of people present on your last night was not that much. But Inang and other people told me that that was already a lot of people. Maybe my expectations were just high that's why what was a lot for them, was not enough for me. But to be honest, inside our house, our backyard and outside (in the street) were full.

I don't think any of us actually slept that night. Even if we did, maybe only for an hour or two. 

We played your songs and your photos over and over again. It was getting more and more difficult and everyone was feeling it. The night went by quite fast. I didn't want it to end. I wanted you to stay a it longer, even if you were sleeping very peacefully. People were saying that you looked really happy because you looked like you were smiling. People were also saying that you were really handsome and most if not all of them, expressed their regrets of not meeting you personally and for going home to Jesus too early.  They said that you could have done more in life with your talents, your good looks and your good character. Everyone said you were "sayang".

When the last group of people left, it was Sunday at 6am and then we had to say good to you.

I miss you so much anak ko. Please remember that you're always in my mind. I love you.


Mommy Tintin

Two days before your send off

03 February 2012 -  A lot of people still came to see you. There was one thing that really touched my heart. Kids from different schools came to see you too. But there was this particular group of kids that really stood out for me. I saw their school's name on the record of people who have donated money and apparently this group of kids contributed their own money in order to give it to you. That was so sweet of them. Some kids stayed by your side for a long time, looking at you and your paintings. They came and went, a lot of kids. It was really overwhelming.

Some people suggested that we should change your shirt into a barong tagalog or something. But Mama said to leave you alone because she knew that you have chosen that shirt over the barong anyway. Besides you really didn't want to disturbed. You didn't like it when people try to make you change your clothes or anything like that. You wanted things to be simple. So we left you in your favourite white button down shirt.

If I am not mistaken, this was also the day that Inang showed me your hospital bill and some of the tests that you had. Inang wanted to know if you had the right tests and treatment. I was not ready to look at it properly so I just had a quick glance at the paper. You had a few tests, huh! I'm sure they did everything they could. There was no doubt about that.

It was two days before your sent off. It was so hard.......

*****

Last night I dreamt about you. YOu were playing with Papa and Ading Linus. You were wearing a sleeveless white t-shirt and your shorts. It felt so real. I was also able to speak to you and touch you briefly. But when I woke up, I couldn't remember the whole dream. But I know I saw you.

Missing you so much already. I love you anak.

Mommy Tintin

The music played

02 February 2012 - It was this day when your friends from Casa came to play the violin for you. I was glad to have met some of the kids, the teachers and of course Sir C. When they started playing, I couldn't help myself from crying because I felt so sad. I have never loved classical music as much until you learned how to play the violin. The sound of the violin is the most beautiful musical sound that I have ever heard. It is so emotional. While they were playing I imagined you. I felt so bad that I didn't see you play the violin at all. They played a few pieces, but what I enjoyed the most was your favourite piece, Canon. 

We were teasing Ading Linus. We asked him to bring out his violin and play with the group but he was embarrassed. I'm sure you were happy to see your friends play some music for you.

Because the group came quite early, not a lot of people watched them. It would have been nice if your friends from school heard them play. But never mind, what was important was that we were there and it was so beautiful to watch them. There was this kid that really impressed me. The way he was holding the violin was something. I thought that one day he would be a famous violinist. I found out later on that he was already famous.

The music they played were quite emotional. You couldn't listen to them and not cry. They were very good and while I was listening to them, I was glad that you went to that school to learn the violin.

I would have loved you to play the violin more, but your time was not enough. I knew you would have been very good. Nevertheless, you have made us proud for being the little musician that you were.

I love you so much anak and I miss you every single day.

Mommy Tintin

The Ecumenical Service

Some people were saying that you were really inspiring because you were able to unite three of the biggest churches in our town- Roman Catholic, The Philippine Independent Church and United Methodist Church. Every night there was a mass at home. Either that or rosary and prayers. 

The day I met your friends, the rosary was led by Sister and that evening there was a service by the Methodist church. The support of your friends was actually overwhelming. Everyone wanted to be a part of your last days with us. Every night there were a lot of people. And if there was a mass or service, everyone participated too, even the bystanders.

I know it's always comforting to hear Songs of Praise and the words of God. But during that time, I felt more like they were just trying to make us feel better. Do you know what I mean? Because at that time, I wasn't sure if God truly loved us because if He did, I believed that He wouldn't have taken you away. And as much as I was overwhelmed by the presence of your friends and those who knew you, I was so jealous because I knew I wouldn't have you for long.

The mass and the services were very solemn. Pastor's sermon was very touching and somehow it reassured us a little bit. I know Pastor has been a great help to Mama since you left. I know that you also loved listening to Pastor's sermons because you've always asked Mama to attend the service at their church.

I miss you so much now baby. I love you.

Mommy Tintin