Line to Heaven

When I was checking what's on the internet world this morning, the song Line to Heaven popped in my head. Then I started singing it. Meanwhile, I logged on facebook and came across Mama's status update saying that, "Your brother and sister miss you so much. They want to kiss and hug you just like before". I felt as if I was stabbed in my chest, and  then I started crying as if you've just left us. It's been more than 40 days, but it still hurts the same. Then I decided to look at your photos again. And as much as it hurts looking at them, I have to because I am missing you so much. Just like your adings, I want to kiss you and hug you so badly.

And just like what other grieving mothers (from a page on facebook) have said, some days are better than others. I am amazed at how my emotions change so suddenly, from being lighter yesterday to shedding some more tears today. No one but the grieving mothers understand exactly how I am feeling right now. So I have been reading poems and messages from their websites, just to remind myself that I, Inang and Mama are not alone. Sometimes it helps, but sometimes it just makes it a little worse. I just hope and pray that no other family out there will have to go through what we are going through right now. It is the worst thing imaginable. And perhaps you can see what's inside my heart right now, so I hope you understand why I am sad sometimes. I am so sorry anak. I know you want us to be happy. We have been trying, but as I said our tears only mean that we miss you.

Anyway, so I was singing Line to Heaven and I thought I'd share it with you. This is the only song that I can play on the guitar quite perfectly. Oh well, used to anyway. And the song goes:

Heaven knows I've done no wrong

I only want to sing this song to you

Why did it have to end this way

Only a fool like me could say to you that...

If I ever had a line to heaven I swear

I'd call you there

And if I ever had a line to heaven I swear

I'll be there tonight.

Now where would I be without you now

I have to make it through this life somehow

Only time will tell me so

All the things I need to know somehow.

How do I find the answers

All the questions I've been hiding inside

And all the fun and the laughters

We shared all have to stand beside.

- Introvoys

This is the best video I could find on you tube.

I just called home because I have not spoken to Mama since Saturday. I just wanted to know how she got on with her exams. Ading Linus took the phone call and told me that they were having dinner. I told him I'd call on skype later.

I hope you liked this song. Please pray for us and the other grieving mothers out there - for Father God to give us strength and courage to carry on. Ahhhh, I really miss you. I love you so much.

Mommy Tintin