We Are Missing You

I found myself crying in the toilet this afternoon. I remember what Mama wrote on her facebook status yesterday and the other day. I have tried my very best not to think about it, but it has been very difficult. I know how much they are missing you back home. You spent more time with them than with me. So if I am feeling like this, for sure they feel  much much worse.

On Monday, Mama wrote something about how you used to talk to her when you woke up each morning. Things like, "Good morning, Mama. Love you. What's there to eat? Have you eaten Mama? Have you taken a shower? Who's gonna go first, me or you?"  I know deep in my heart how difficult it is for Mama to cope, knowing that you are no longer there to tell her those thoughtful words. She said she misses sharing secrets with you and your naughtiness when you were together. I am aware how close you were to each other. More than she is a mother to you, and you a son to her, you were the best of friends.

Then yesterday, Ading Linus apparently told them that he misses you and that he wanted to see you. He had tears in his eyes when he said that. So I think Mama brought him to your new house on earth, so he can somehow visit you. Then before he went to sleep last night, he was talking to you. Mama heard Ading saying, "Kuya tulog na tayo. May pasok pa tayo bukas. Good night Kuya" (Kuya let's go to sleep. We have school tomorrow. Good night Kuya). Mama couldn't help but cry, and so do I while I am writing this to you. Your brother and your sister are equally sweet as you were. They miss you so much. More so with Ading Linus because you did a lot of things together. Hay anak, it's really hard for all of us.

But you know, we have to be strong for each other. We know you're up there looking down at us. We also know that you will guide us to get through this very difficult journey of having to live our lives without you. We can only wish you were still with us. We miss you terribly.

I think this whole grieving thing will take forever, anak. So please allow me to speak out my grieving through my letters to you. For according to Grieving Mothers, it is extremely important to vent my emotions. Because apparently, according to them, "if my emotions are not released through words, tears and apprehensions, they are bound to find other ways for release which can prove to be very detrimental to my emotional wellness and physical health". I know you won't like that, so I hope you understand if sometimes, (actually a lot of  times) I cry.

We miss and love you so so much. And that is all, anak!

Mommy Tintin

P.S.
Tito JL dreamt about you twice the other night. He said the other one was unbelievable. He has not told me the whole story yet. I can't wait so I can then tell you all about it. Love you, baby!xxx