You and your song(s) keep me going

Anak, you have no idea how much you and your song have affected my life in a very positive way. There is something in your song (Lighters) that keeps me going- the words, the beat, the voice of Bruno Mars and of course the thought that we or you have chosen this song to be your anthem.

There are times when I almost want to give up because things get too much to handle sometimes, but for some reason your song keeps popping up in my head. Either that or I hear your other songs. Then I feel a lot better. There was one time when I was at work and I was so upset, I wanted to break down in the middle of the ward, but all of a sudden I remembered your song and started singing it to myself. Then I went to the bathroom and cried silently there thinking about you. Then remember when I told you that Daddy was stressed about work and stuff? I didn't go to Bristol that day. Instead I stayed and went to a cafe with him so he could do his work there. And while I was trying to get over my panic attacks while watching Daddy do his work, one of your songs played and I was like, "wow, what a coincidence!". So  I sang along in my head and I felt calmer afterwards. See, there is always a constant reminder that you are indeed with us during difficult times. Now I truly believe that although you may have left us physically, you are still here somewhere. 

Then the most proven instance wherein I just know you are with me is when I am running. Yes, I have ran a few times and every time this happens. I have 31 songs on my running playlist and have them on shuffle. I only used to listen to your songs (16 of them)  when running but recently I have added a few fast tracks as well. So anyway, I noticed that on my entire running time, some songs are being played twice, but your song "Lighters" doesn't play until either I feel really tired (but still need to carry on) or when I am almost finished with my target distance. Most of the time, I refuse to stop until I hear your song no matter how tired I am. But I find it really strange that your song only starts playing when I am almost  ready to give up. It may be just a coincidence but you know, to me it's not. Because I know that if it was you you would also carry on, "kasi kaya mo, ikaw pa!".

Hayyy, you know I really miss you so much. I think about you every day. How I wish you've never left us. I love you loads.

Mommy Tintin