Mommy and Work

Hi anak, I am on a bus on my way home to London. Although I am feeling giddy at the moment from the movement of the vehicle, I am writing to you now because when I arrive home, I may just want to chat with Daddy for a bit and then go to sleep. I am really tired today. Work has been really stressful for the last three days. Remember I told you that I am now legally a prescriber? Since I was given the go signal to prescribe medications, my life at work has become more difficult. The demands sometimes are ridiculously overwhelming. A lot of times I don't even know where to start. I'm just grateful because I am an organized person and I know how to prioritize my work. Besides I am quite good at multi-tasking. Haha. Although sometimes I am tyring not to multi-task because it can be a little bit stressful too. And guess what anak? I think I am getting better at being graceful under pressure. But saying that, I know I still need to build my confidence up a bit. I know I will get there eventually. But for the meantime, I guess I just have to keep working hard. 

You know sometimes I really feel insecure at work because I must admit, I am not that knowledgable. I am more of a practical person than theoretical, if you know what I mean. That's why when I am speaking to my other colleagues sometimes especially the doctors, I stutter. I am worried that I may say something stupid and then be ridiculed by them and other people. It's not that I know completely nothing. It's just that I need to learn more about my job and cardiac sugery in general. And one thing that is making me so insecure is that I don't have an intensive care experience while my other colleagues have. I honestly don't know anything about cardiac intensive care that's why I have been hesitant to work there. But you know what? I should just say, "Kaya ko ito, ako pa!". However, it's not the lack of experience that I am worried about. It's really more of the people who work there than the job itself. Most of them are very intimidating. Only because they have been working there for donkeys years so they are very experienced. Perhaps what put me off from working there is being treated badly by one of their staff in the past. Well, it happened a few years ago but I am traumatized by what happened. 

On the other hand, I love working in the ward because that's my comfort zone. I know the ward and the staff and I get along well with majority of them. In fact, I think I am lucky because I also get along with most of the surgeons. Well, there are only a couple of them whom I am really scared of. But otherwise I think I can handle the rest of them. Haha. That's why I am more comfortable in the ward than in the intensive care.

Oh by the way, this afternoon someone asked me to put a cannula on one of my patients who was at the CT scan department at that time. Apparently, no one could put one in. So I was given the task because yes, I'm good at cannulation. I think that's the only thing I am good at. Haha. So anyway, I managed to put one in in just one go. But mind you, I prayed really hard so I won't fail. I didn't want to be embarrassed in front of people I didn't know. So anyway, when I knew it was in I thanked you first before God. I was even surprised because all of a sudden, I blurted out "Thank you Keith". Please tell God I am so sorry. I didn't mean to thank you first anak. But perhaps God knows why and I know He will understand.

I know you're always with me anak. Sometimes I can feel your presence. Thank you for listening to Mommy. I miss you so much you know. I love you Keith.

Mommy Tintin