Your house

Papa texted me this morning to say that Mama has started building your house. I mean although it is not a big house, I know it was your dream to have your own house even if it was just a room with everything in it. Just like the hotel room you stayed in when you went to Naga.

I know you had your own reasons why you wanted your own house, but I'd rather not say anything now. Maybe in time I will, but not as yet. It is my fault that I left it too long. But honestly anak, I had plans of building our family a bigger house. It's just that I wanted to make sure that I have enough money so that the house will be completed as soon as we started it. As much as possible I didn't want to leave it unfinished. I thought I was able to make that dream come true before Ading Cxyrelle's 7th birthday this year, but you left so I had to change my priorities. I know I have given you a lot of promises but was not able to fulfill any of them. But I was just waiting for the right time. I thought the right time would have been from the end of this year until you finished grade school because I already had the money. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I keep asking myself when would have been the right time. Inang doesn't seem to believe me that I have planned everything. She makes me feel like I am failure for not fulfilling those promises. As much as I want to pursue those dreams, I am not inspired anymore as they keep telling me that nothing happened when you were still here. And that I promised you this and that but I didn't make any of those happen. I don't know how to explain myself and I really don't know if I even need to. All I know is that I am probably a failure and I am so sorry that I have let you down. I know I only have myself to blame.

Anyway, Ading Linus is so excited for the house. He actually asked for it as a birthday gift. I think Ading is willing to sacrifice a birthday party for a house. Who wouldn't, right? I am very pleased that at least even you are no longer here, Mama is doing her best to give you what you wanted. She has been telling me that you had a plan on how you would want your house to look like. So, I am sure it would be great. I can't wait for it to be finished.

By the way, my friend told me that you were taken away for things to get better for us. Somehow I do believe in that. At the same time I want to know why you had to go for things to become better. As I told you before, I can now see some positive changes in our lives since you left, but wouldn't it have been better if things changed because you were here? Hayyyy, I will never stop asking that question.

I don't know. I shall see in the coming days and months. I would still like to build a house for the family, but this time perhaps I will leave it up to God. Please tell Him to guide me anak.

I miss you so much today and everyday. I love you from the bottom of my heart. Please always remember that.

Mommy Tintin