Don't know what to say

I don't exactly know how I feel. I have been very anxious since I found out that Ading Cxyrelle is having another bout of fever after her episode of tonsillitis. I am very worried although I know that this is not something serious. She has a cough and cold and the fever may be due to a brewing chest infection. And even if this is probably what's causing her fever, I can't help  but be in a panic mode, after everything  that has happened to you. 

I keep asking why  do we still have to go through this situation again when God knows how much it hurt us when He took you. Why can't be someone else this time? Those who don't know how to love and care for their children so they will learn  a lesson or two? I mean, haven't we had our share yet? As much as I no longer want to question God, I can't help it. Whenever I hear that either of your Adings is not well, I panic. Seems like everything in me comes into a halt. I feel like my system is about to shut down. I feel pain all over, my mood changes and I get this annoying difficulty in breathing and palpitations. Does God really want to see me like this? I know I haven't prayed that hard since you left, because I can't -yet. I don't even know how to start any more. Because although I didn't pray every night before you left, I tried whenever I can. And I prayed for you, for everyone in our family, but then they still took you away. Yes, I know there is a reason for all this. Maybe you really were not meant to be on earth. You were too good to be here. But still....

So here I am typing away whatever comes to my mind. I am thinking about Ading Cxyrelle. I phoned earlier on and Inang said that her fever has gone down a bit. In fact even yesterday with a fever of 38 degrees, she was still playing. So I shouldn't really be worrying about anything. But can anyone blame me for overreacting? I don't think so.

I told Mama to take Ading to the doctor straight away but Ading didn't want to go. They did in the end but the doctors were at a seminar, so they went home instead. I was a little bit disappointed, but it's probably beyond anyone's control. If they all had to go to a seminar, then they had to go. I just told Mama to bring Ading to the hospital if her condition gets worse. And just the mere thought of Ading being in the hospital really kills me.

Anak, please ask Father God to make Ading better. I know she doesn't like being sick because she's a very active girl. Please watch over her and help her recover soon. 

I will call again in few minutes just to check on her. Please know that I love you so much. I am missing you terribly especially in times like this.

Please ask Father God to forgive me if I may have said something that's not right. Thank you baby.

Mommy Tintin