I know you know what I mean. Remember I told you that Tatang Cardo has not been well lately? Well, Mama is planning to visit him sometime after Christmas. And of course she wants to bring your Adings because Tatang Cardo asked to see them too. But apparently Ading Linus doesn't want to go because you will be left behind if he did. I couldn't help but cry when Papa told me about this. I know Ading doesn't want to leave you for a long time. It's okay if it's just for a day but he knows that if they go to Ilocos, they will stay there for a good few days. It's not even as if they visit your new house on earth everyday either, so I don't know why he gets the idea that you will be left behind. Maybe he is too young to understand about spirit and stuff? I don't really know. I am not even sure how he understands the fact that you are gone forever. The problem I think is that both Ading Linus and Ading Cxyrelle expect that you will be coming back someday. They are not losing their hope. It's really sad and how I wish I could help them understand a lot of things.
I hope Ading is okay. I told Papa that maybe he hasn't moved on from losing you. I can feel that he is suffering, but how can a 9 year old express how he really feels? I read one time that there was a child who lost her brother and she didn't speak for two years because of that. I am really glad that even if Ading Linus doesn't really express himself a lot, at least he seems to be strong. Papa was also suppressing his emotions during the early days of your passing. He even didn't want me and Mama to talk about you. But now, I think he is better because he can now talk about you at least. Maybe not fully, but at least he is starting to loosen up a bit.
I am just hoping that Ading Linus will understand that it's okay to leave you because they are not really leaving you anyway. You will be with them in spirit and I know Tatang Cardo is your favourite and you will not miss this trip for anything. As much as I wanted to reassure Ading Linus, I know I can't because if I do speak to him, I will probably end up crying and I don't want Ading Linus to hear me cry. I know he is trying to be strong for Mama, Papa and Ading Cxyrelle, so I also want to be strong for him. I just feel sad that good kids like your Adings have to go through this. And of course I feel even sadder that an almost perfect child like you has to be taken away too soon. One day I know I'll find out why. For now, no matter how hard it is to keep the faith, I know I have too.
As I always say, Mommy loves you so much and I would do anything to have you back because I am missing you loads.
Mommy Tintin
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