Mama and Your Adings's first day at school

I sent Mama a message earlier on because I wanted to find out how their first day at school was. Mama said your Adings were okay but Mama of course missed you even more. She said it is totally different now because before there were four of you going to school together and now there's just the three of them. I know this times are the hardest times for all of us especially Mama. Your Adings apparently keep talking about you. They obviously miss you especially when they're doing homework because you used to do it with them. And most importantly, you used to teach your Adings on their home works.

It must be really hard for Mama not to think about you whenever they go to school. I remember her telling me that she used to wake you up first. She used to call you from the stairs. I know school only started yesterday, but maybe they have already been late going to school because Mama told me that she misses you more when they're late because you were the one who used to remind her that you were already late. And this is because you always wanted to be on time for school.

Whilst I am writing this I am trying to imagine you and your Adings going to school together because I don't have any recollection of those days. I know I went home in November one time but sadly I can't remember any of it. I can picture you as happy kids, always excited for school. In fact I remember now, you have a group photo in your school uniforms with Ate Bianca.

How I wish I could see more of this.

I am just missing you so much. I will never get tired of telling you how much I love you, as much as I did when you were with us.

Mommy Tintin

The meaning of Inang's dream

And so I have asked my religious friend what she thinks of Inang's dream. First of all, she said she is happy for Inang because not eveyrone is lucky to have such a meaningful dream. I don't know but my friend has always told me that I have the gift of dreams. I may have this gift but she definitely has the power of interpreting dreams. She has always claimed that her faith makes her see things differently and she's maybe right. Because while I was listening to her, Inang's dream became clearer to me.

And here's what she thinks of Inang's dream:

1. Closed doors and windows- a closed setting and not everyone is allowed inside. Remember when they shut the door behind Inang? My friend said that Inang shouldn't have been inside and that she didn't belong there because "it is not her time yet". And the same can be said when the old man ignored her. Apparently he was not happy for Inang to be inside the house or room and questioning her why she was there.

2. People in White - means sanctification, heaven....

3. The Ritual (you lying on top of a bed covered with white sheets) - Sounds like it's their way of offering you to God and it's a sign of pureness and holiness. The bed you were on represents an "altar". While she was telling me all this, I was like imagining you in a film or something.

4. The Wings - Apparently the lady in white was trying to explain what they were doing to Inang in "human" language, because Inang wouldn't have understood what was going on if the lady talked the way they do in heaven. Wings basically represents an Angel.

5. Being dressed like a prince - only means that they have prepared you to go home to God.

6. The Gold colour (of your outfit) -  Gold signifies something precious and it only means that you are different from others and that you are special.

She told me that we should get over the pain of losing you because she believes that you would come back and eventually start talking to us. She strongly believes that you were different from all of us and that you had and still have messages to tell us. And the only way we can let you speak to us is if we just rejoice on the fact that you are now in heaven and that you were not one of us. I don't know what she exactly means by that but I am hoping that she's right.

Ah, I can't wait for the day that you would finally start talking to us. I hope it will be very soon. I miss you anak. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

School starts tomorrow

..and you would have been on sixth grade. My heart is breaking as I was looking forward to your grade school graduation so I could finally take you here for vacation. I know you said before that I kept saying that but nothing was happening. Only because I had a better plan for you. I know you understand naman anak.

I spoke to some of your friends a few days ago and they're excited for school to start. You probably would have been excited also. I am not sure what your section is called now, but Rang-Ay will forever be in my heart because that was the last section you were in.  So here's Rang-Ay 14 forever:

The Boys:

The Girls

And then there was you....

I am really glad Teacher Jeff took these pictures of you and your friends. I will forever treasure this in my heart. This reminds me a letter your friends wrote for you on your send off. They wanted you to take the letters when you went but I decided to keep them so I can read it and probably share it on my letters to you.

I love you anakkong. Missing you so much.

Mommy Tintin

Mommy is Hopeful again

Remember the big decision that I told you about a few weeks ago anak? Well, I am glad I didn't look back. I am starting to see a positive outcome from that decision and I am really glad I didn't think twice about going for it. Whatever happens next is just going to be a bonus now as I think I already got what I have originally asked for. But if God decides to give me more, then even better.


So how are you anak? You haven't visited me in a while and I am missing you loads already. I have been off for a week and I never really dreamed about you. Visit me soon okay? I am really missing you.


I have not much to say at the moment anak because I got home quite late and I am tired. I will just have to leave you with this poem because I know you are my hope...


Angel of Hope


An angel to guide you through your toughest day
An angel to wash all your rears away
An angel to firmly hold your hand
An angel to talk to, someone to understand
An angel to comfort you through a hard time
An angel to give you hope that everything will be fine
An angel to show you the strength to cope
An angel so beautiful, an angel called Hope.


- Susan Brealey




Keith anak, please do remember that Mommy loves you no matter what. I miss you so much balong.




Mommy Tintin

The Future

Daddy was reading an article in yahoo this morning and something caught my eye. Actually Daddy has already moved on to the next article but I asked him to go back because at an instant I knew it was something familiar.

Photo By David A. Aguilar/Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics from yahoo.com

I know it's not exactly like this, but the one you made late last year had the same concept and you even called it the "Future". I am having goose bumps as I write this to you. But most of all, I am so proud that you thought of that idea.

I think the article is about a futuristic computer software that they are supposed to use for Quantum computers although these computers don't exist as yet.

Daddy is right in saying that they're not exactly the same, but I strongly believe that you and whoever made that photo has the same concept - it's about the future. Whatever they say, I am so proud of you for coming up with something like this.

Mommy will be proud of you forever and ever. I love you with all my heart. Missing you so much Pochongchong.

Mommy Tintin

Things are never better

They said God took you for a reason and sooner than later we will find out why He has taken you and then things will become better. Five months on and things are never better and Mommy is losing the faith. It is not fair that after losing you, He still puts me into this emotional battle that is slowly taking my sanity away. Why would he allow things to happen this way? Is it not enough that He has taken you? 

I know I should hold onto Him. Perhaps you are both watching me right now. I am not sure what you're thinking but Mommy is clearly struggling. How long will I have to be in this situation? Yes, I think I am strong, but even strength has its end. What if one day I can no longer take the pain? What should I do?

Back home is not any better and what's happening there at the moment is just making matters worse. You probably know what I mean anak. I thought now that you're gone, people will realize that maybe it's time to change for the better, for you. But time and time again, things go back to where they used to be. The screaming, the swearing, the blaming. Ah, when is this ever gonna end? I wish I can just go to sleep one day and be free of all this mess.

Or is it because I am not asking anything from God? I must admit I have stopped praying. I see these people who don't believe in God and yet living a happy life and I get very jealous. And here we are,  believers of God, why are we the ones suffering? Is there a point? I know anak, you probably are not happy with this because you were so religious and you had a strong faith in God. But this doesn't mean that I don't love God anymore though. It's just that I don't know what else to do. I am so hurt. I don't know why I have to suffer continuously. Can He not touch other people so they will stop giving me heartaches? He knows how much I tried. Ah, how I wish I can write everything here. But I am sure you have been watching me and that you know what I am going through.

I just want you to continue praying for me. I know I will learn how to pray again, but right now I just can't get to it. I am very much hurt. And please tell Father God I am so sorry, but I still believe in Him and I love Him just the same.

I love you so much baby. I miss you.

Mommy Tintin

Ading Linus heard your voice

So he says. It was last Sunday morning when Ading Linus believed he heard your voice. Mama only told me about it today. Apparently, he woke up and went straight downstairs to Inang's room leaving Ading Cxyrelle upstairs on her own while she was still sleeping. While Ading Linus was lying down on the bed, he heard you calling him "Ading", not just once but a few times. According to him, the voice originally came through the window then from the side where Inang's mirror is. Then when yje voice came on again, it was from the closet and the door, until he heard it coming from the ceiling, from your room. I asked Ading if he was asleep because maybe then he was just dreaming, but he said he was wide awake. Knowing Ading Linus, he got scared and covered his face with a blanket and called Inang. He told her what happened.

Mama told me that when you were here, you didn't like leaving Ading Kika on her own upstairs and you would always call Ading Linus to look after her when you needed to go downstairs. Perhaps that's what happened that's why Ading Linus heard you calling him? I am not sure, but Ading is adamant that he heard you. There is definitely nothing wrong with that but you know how Ading is like, he easily gets scared. You probably remember how he reacts whenever you tried to scare him before. He couldn't even watch Seven Avengefold's music video for one of their songs.

But Ading was quite happy to tell me the story. H seemed to be very sure that it was your voice that he heard. Bless him.

I know you are watching over them. Thank you anak. Your Adings surely miss you so much.

BY the way, Ading Linus, Tito JL and I skyped for the first time. I just found out that Tito also has a skype so we tried it and it worked. How I wish you were here so we could all skype together. I miss you so badly you know. I always think about you. I love you so much.

Mommy Tintin