It's almost K Lighter Day again

I think I will make your Angel birthdays and your Angelversaries official K Lighter days. One thing that I am not sure of though is if people will continue to support me on this. But nevertheless, I would still love to continue what I have started. And on your first angelversary, here is what I have done:

I actually put together two of your works in one photo to come up with this. Nothing really, I was just having a creative moment and thought I'd do one for you.

Just like our first K Lighter Day, I asked our family and friends to join again by doing 11 of the things that you loved doing:

1. Light a candle (blue preferably if you have one) and say a little prayer.

2. Read the Bible or pray the Rosary

3. Sing or play his favourite song "Lighters" by Eminem

4. Don't hurt or worse kill any insect or animals

5. Play a musical instrument if you are able to

6. Make someone's day "Lighter" in any way you can

7. Make your family and friends feel that you love and care for them

8. Avoid saying bad words

9. Draw or paint something that reminds you of Keith

10. Wear white or blue

11.Remember his motto, "Kaya ko po, Ako Pa" and take the challenge of doing something you thought you can never do.

This time, I came up with 11. I like it actually as it represents your 11 years on earth.

I know it's not going to change. January 28 will always be the day that changed our lives forever, no matter what year it is. That will will remain my saddest day, for I will always remember the day you left us. But I am hopeful that eventually, January 28, will no longer remind us of the pain, but somehow will remind us that a beautiful boy was taken away from us to give way to a new and brighter beginning. I am still hoping that sooner or later, I will be able to find that purpose. I am not giving up on it.

I miss you baby boy and I will forever love you with all my heart.

Mommy Tintin

Darwin and Friends

Mama has finally sent me a better photo of Darwin and this time, even with his friends too. You will be glad to know that they are doing really well. I'm sure you visit them sometimes, too!

Here's Darwin. He has grown really big, right?

Darwin and his friends. I'm sure they all miss your voice every morning.

We miss you so much. It's only now 15 days before that dreadful day and I am getting more emotional each day. Don't forget that I love you so much. 

Mommy Tintin

Another run for you

and this time I am taking it further - A Half Marathon! Yes, Daddy and I have signed up for the Den Haag Marathon in March. It's my first half marathon while it's your Daddy's third. The farthest I have ran so far is 16k and I'm sure it's that not hard to try on the half marathon. Besides, I know that you will be there for me too so I am very positive. You know that I am doing this for you, right? You have been my inspiration in everything that I do.

Since it's a half marathon, I want to raise funds for a charity. It would have been good if I managed to put up one for you, but it takes a lot of time and money, so it's not going to be easy for me. For the meantime, I would like to help the Philippine National Red Cross. This is for the reason that they have National Blood Services. Anything to do with blood donation, I need to help as much as I can. That moment you needed blood urgently and they had to travel 3 hours to buy one really frustrated me. I know that whatever money I raise will not be enough to make things better, but at least it's a start (I hope).

I have written to them but I still haven't received any reply from them. I am hoping to hear from them at least a month before the run because I still need to put up a justgiving page so people can make donations there.

You know what anak? I notice that people are not quick to help. I don't really understand. Perhaps they don't see the reason why I am doing this. When Daddy and I did the 16k for you and baby Jacob only three people helped. I'm not sure if it's because they don't trust me or I don't know. Don't get me wrong, but won't you help someone who is trying to help save a child's life? It reminds me of those days when I used to raise funds for Bantay Bata. I did that for four years and I went through a lot of tough times doing it. People questioned where the money went and stuff like that. Luckily enough, I had correspondence with Bantay Bata and they gave me certificates after receiving the donations. People are always skeptical when it comes to fundraising. You know, this is the reason why I wanted to be rich so I don't have to ask other people to help me. I can just do it on my own.

But I know someday, I will be able to help more. That's one of my biggest dreams and my dream to put up your own foundation to be able to help talented kids and least fortunate children remains the same. One day, I know these dreams will come true.

Please watch over me and Daddy baby. We start training next week hopefully because the weather has been bad today. 

I miss you so much and I love you.

Mommy Tintin

The hard days begin

It was January 11, 2012 when you had mumps. Mama told me that you were not really ill with it. You even went to school with it. Although I was not that concern about mumps because I also had it when I was young, I made sure that Mama watched for any other symptoms. It was also around this time of the year when I was not able to phone home often because I was busy with work. I have been commuting from London to Bristol and it was really stressful. 

Mama told me at that time that there were also other kids in your school who had mumps so perhaps you got the virus from them. There were really no signs that we were going to lose you soon because everything seemed to have been normal. Although you were already saying weird things, we really didn't take any of those seriously.

It's 17 days before you left us and I feel worse and worse each day. Of course, my attention is often diverted on work and other stuff but when I am alone even at work, I think of you and suddenly the pain is too strong that I want to cry out loud. I keep going back to what happened on your last few days. I would like to document everything now because this is what is helping me in my recovery. Some people might find it weird that I write about our heartaches and stuff, but only me can understand. People heal in different ways and this is part of my healing.

I know God is also doing His own divine intervention on us, but as a human I need to find what is easy for me. There are still a lot of things that I want to do to help heal those wounds. But I know this is a long process and I am not in a hurry. I will take my time until I am completely healed. I still believe that God has a plan for us, I just have to wait.

Tomorrow is Tito JL's birthday and I am hoping to speak to him. I know you did something nice on his birthday so I want to know more about it.

You are deeply missed dear boy. Mommy loves you.

Mommy Tintin

My Beautiful Child

Here's a poem for you today....

By the way anak, the poem I told you about yesterday wasn't written by Mama. Apparently it's a song and she heard it from Pastor. In fact, the sung it when you were still with us in your eternal bed.

18 days and it's getting harder and harder each day. We are missing you so much. We love you baby boy.

Mommy Tintin

Mama's poem for you

I have yet to confirm if Mama actually wrote this poem or not, but I will ask her later when she wakes up. This actually made me cry again. You know, it's only a few days now and it's your first angelversary and it's getting harder and harder for me, Mama and Inang. I can see that Mama is suffering from her recent posts on facebook. Bless her, that's her outlet. Anyway, here's the poem and I hope you'll like it:

Nasa'n ka man, naroroon ako

Sa kahirapan, s'ya rin gabay sa'yo

Sa bagyo ng buhay ay ako, ang siyang aakay sa iyo

Anumang sigla, ako ang karamay mo.

Kahit saang panahon ng buhay mo

Di magbabagong pag-ibig ko sa'yo

At sa bawat oras at araw, tangan ko sa palad ay ikaw

Di ka na sa akin ay maaagaw.

Kung minsan, sa isip mo'y iniwan ka

Na nag iisa sa buhay mo'y walang kasama

Sa lahat ng sandali, kahit sa pighati

Ako ay naroon sa'yong tabi

We know you're always with us Keith, but we miss you so much. We long to hold you again. We will forever love you anak ko.

Mommy Tintin

I saw you last night

in my dream that is. I'm sure I saw you but not for long. You were wearing a white top, either a polo shirt or a t-shirt. I can't remember very well. Remember when I told you that since I have been sleeping with Meow, I can no longer remember my dreams very well?

Anyway, so you were at home and someone apparently gave us some oranges on a tree. Yes it was as if they cut the orange tree and gave it to us. There were a lot of fruits on there and I asked Tatang if we could just plant it again, but he said we couldn't. And then I remember you asked for a bread and an orange juice so I made you one- fresh from the tree. I don't know what else happened after that.

When I woke up I told Mama about it and she said she actually hasn't offered orange juice for you in a while. 

Thank you for the short but sweet visit. You could have stayed longer though. I miss you so much and I want to see you more often. I love you baby.

Mommy Tintin