You didn't ask for anything but....

the ones that has got to do with school and your passion. I am so glad that you were not into gadgets at your age. We only bought you material things because we wanted you to experience it, and not because you've asked for it. We knew that you liked music that's why we bought you the mp3 player and the ipod shuffle. And Papa  wanted you to experience playing games just like other children, so he bought you psp. He then bought you netbook so you could use it to research for the things that you love like birds, fish and animals.

But when it came to your equipments for painting, you were very specific with them and only wanted the best. You knew exactly what you wanted. And so, even if they were quite expensive, Mama and I tried our best to buy you what you needed. Nothing was expensive because we knew it was worth it.

Then you wanted to be more active at school so you decided to join the Mathematics Guild, even if you knew you had to be at school on Saturdays. When Mama told me that you wanted to go to Naga for the competition, I didn't think twice about it. Because I knew that it was something that you loved and the only thing that you insistently asked for. I knew it involved quite a lot of money because you and Mama were going, but I didn't care because I was so proud of you.

Majority of the time when you needed something and if Mama or Inang told you that they didn't have money, you wouldn't have any tantrums. You would instead tell them to just buy it when they had the money. You really were not generally good at asking for anything. I think you were embarrassed. I remember when I used to ask you want you wanted me to bring when I went home, you always told me to bring whatever I can. I would think that any child would have a list of pasalubong that they want, just like Ading Cxyrelle. But you never did, unless we offered it to you. And I think that Ading Linus may have inherited that trait, because he doesn't ask for anything as well. Which I think is good.

Ah, I will miss buying gifts for you. Now I will only have to worry about two kids when I go home. Or maybe I can buy some for Aga and your friends. What do you think?

Baby, it's your birthday soon. I am missing you more now. I love you.

Mommy Tintin

The clouds and the sky

They're your colours...white and blue.

When I challenge myself, I think of you.

Because I know there was nothing you can't do.

And that I should try too.

Here I am lying on the ground.

With my eyes closed, I sing your song.

I know I can't do this for long.

But the music in my ear makes me want to carry on.

And then I open my eyes and look above.

The clouds are so white and the sky is so blue

I know you're somewhere out there, looking down on me.

Telling me how proud you are that I have come this far.

Mommy has been tyring to write a poem for you since you left, but you probably have noticed that writing poems or in fact, writing in general is not what I am good at. But because of you, I do what I do, even if it means embarrassing myself for writing like a grade school pupil. But hey, it's for you anak and I don't really care.

So, I hope you liked my first attempt at writing a poem for you. Show it to your angel friends and let me know what they think, okay?

I love you my baby. Mommy misses you.

Mommy Tintin

Your sweet visit to Ading and Mama

For the very first time, Ading Cxyrelle dreamt about you. She was so excited to tell me about it. She said you all went to a picnic at the beach, you and your friends. When your friends saw you, they all went up to you and started kissing you. Then you apparently said, "Hay salamat, kumpleto na ang pamilya natin, sama-sama na tayo ulit" (Thank you, our family is now complete. We're together again). I could hear from Ading's voice that she's happy that you visited her. You were wearing your yellow button down shirt again and your school shorts. Ading said that you probably visited her because it's your birthday soon. Maybe she's right. 

Then on Friday, Mama told me that there was a butterfly inside their room. The butterly landed on Mama's shoulder first, and then on Ading Cxyrelle's arm. It eventually clung on the curtain. When they woke up the following morning, the butterfly was gone. Maybe that was you making sure they were alright after the flood?

In the other news, Mama has moved Darwin beside your huge portrait in the living room. She noticed that Darwin seems to be missing you, so she thought she'd do that and see what happens. Surprisingly, since Darwin was moved there he apparently keeps looking at your photo. Well, he swims in the direction where your photo is and stays there for a while. So to us, maybe that's Darwin's way of looking at your photo. How I wish we'll be able to look after Darwin for along time so he can stay with us forever.

It's amazing how we can interpret these things this way, right? Just because Darwin was your pet and now that you're gone, we kind of look for meanings in everything that has/had connections with you. It gives us the comfort to know that through these little things, somehow you're here with us somewhere.

Thank you for visiting Ading Cxyrelle. You have no idea how happy you have made her feel. She has been waiting for your visit for a while. And thank you for being a good example to them, for even now they still look up to you. They won't do anything that Kuya Keith wouldn't do.

I love you Pochongchong. Missing you as always.

Mommy Tintin

I know you were there...

when I needed you the most.

I ran 13k today and as usual, I played my running playlist all the way through. I was already ready to stop but still have not heard your song, while a few of the songs have already been played twice. I don't normally stop until your song plays, but I was really tired so I stopped and went to the outdoor gym instead.

I have been feeling so low for the last few days because as I said to you, I have been going through an emotional battle. Just as when tears started to fall on my face, your song "Lighters" came on. I was trying to hold back my tears because I know you only wanted to comfort me, but I couldn't and I started sobbing. The last part of the song has a great effect on me. The beat of the drum gives me so much pain because it always reminds me of when we were on our way to take you to your new house on earth. That memory always starts me off, and then I became so emotional and broke down in tears in front of strangers. I had to stop what I was doing and just walked home.

But I was pleased to know that you were there for me, just when I needed someone the most. I felt like I was on my own and then suddenly, there you were. You used your little trick again to let me know that you were just around.

Thank you so much little angel Keith for watching over me. I love you so very much. You are greatly missed.

Mommy Tintin

Keith as a boy who never said a bad word

I have finally found time to sit and have my supper break, although I have nothing to eat. I just took a piece of bread from the kitchen (which I don't normally do) because I didn't have a choice. I am very hungry. Most of the time, I write to you on my break if I am at work because otherwise I won't be able to do it. Luckily, something almost always reminds me of you so it's easy for me to think of something to write. And besides, I (eat) and type quite fast, so half an hour is mostly enough for me to do both.

I must say, this week has been one of my busiest days at work. And today is perhaps the worst. I started counting the days I have left in Bristol last night, I don't think it is helping me at all though. Either that or probably because according to my friend, it's hard for me to forgive and forget.

Anyway, I was almost going to say something stupid at someone, but you, my little angel kept popping in my head. And everytime I get to where I want to blow my top and swear at the top of my lungs, you were there to stop me. I don't know why, but in the middle of a very stressful situation you seem to be always there to tap my shoulder, telling me to calm down. Ah, I was going to swear because I was so frustrated. I was quite angry, but then I thought about you. The realization that you never said a bad word stopped me from opening my mouth. I thought you would not be happy if I swore, just like when you heard Ading Linus said a bad word for the first time. You couldn't even say the word, even if you were just making sumbong to Mama and Inang. You had to spell it to make it sound better. Weird eh.

I don't really know what kind of a human being you were. You seemed to be kind of weird for being mysterious, but we all know that there was something special about you. Ha, I can't really wait until you finally talk to us and tell us exactly who you were. I am still holding on to my friend's belief that you were sent to earth just so you can experience life here. You really didn't belong here. In other words, God only allowed you to experience how it was like to live as a human being, then took you back when He realized that your purity is at risk of being stained by worldy things.

Oh well, whoever or whatever you were, we would have loved you just the same, if not more. I am missing you.

Mommy Tintin

Keith's Love for God's creatures

I have written to you about this already in the past, but something reminded me of Darwin (your gold fish) today so I am wrtiting about it again. The last time I called home, your Adings were telling me how Darwin is these days. Seems like he is always looking for you. They said that Darwin has changed a little bit in a way that he always wants to be touched when they go and speak to him. When I say touch, they put their finger on the aquarium and Darwin goes and kisses it. He never used to do that when you were still here apparently. He used to wiggle in excitement when he heard your voice. But now, he seems to be looking for something all the time.

And then there's Martin, your talking bird. Ading Linus told me that he still calls out for you, his "Kuya Keith". It's funny how the bird calls you Kuya. By the way, I hope Martin and his friends are not that cold outside. That is also one thing I wanted to do when I have the money, to give them a better home so we don't lose any of them.

I know you loved pets too. I remember you had a hamster, but I don't know what happened to that poor little thing. You also collected ants and looked after them in a bottle, and then you set them free again. Oh, Ading Linus told me a story when there were black ants in the house. Ading wanted to kill them because he was so scared of them. But you told him not to kill them and reassured him that they were not gonna hurt him and that they will just go away. So they did.

There was also this grasshopper that you found dead and you kept it for a while in your locker until Ading Cxyrelle threw it away because it dried up. You were not very happy then. But I think you saved some of it, didn't you?

You knew a lot about fish and animals because you loved reading about them. You also loved watching discovery channel.

Now it is difficult for me to kill any insect or anything because they always remind me of you. You didn't want to hurt them, so why should I?

You really inspire to be a better person. Thank you anak. I love and miss you so so much.

Mommy Tintin

Keith our confidante

Mommy is going through something at the moment anak, but don't worry I will be fine. How I wish I can tell you all about it now, but I know I will get into trouble if I do.

I remember Inang and Mama boasting about how they used to come to you whenever they were faced with life's challenges. We all know that you were just 11, but they proudly claim that you were more mature than we all think. You listened to them intently and gave them advice as if you were their age. I can remember Inang talking to you in your eternal bed, telling you in regret that she no longer has anyone to talk to when she has problems. I know in my heart that you were the one who comforted her and Mama.

Mama told me that you shared secrets with each other. She even told me a funny story about someone who had a crush on her and the way you reacted when she told you about it. I bet she misses you terribly, especially recently because she also went through quite a difficult time. I am sure if you were here, she would have felt better because she would be able to talk to you about it.

I am trying to imagine how it was like to be talking to you about personal problems. How I wish I have done that when you were still here. But I must admit that since I lost you, I have expressed myself more to you than anyone else. I feel more confident talking to you, although knowing that my letters are being read by other people from all over the world. But I don't care, because this is what makes me feel better and this is helping me in my recovery from losing you. You are my little confidante in heaven. 

You became their confidante, perhaps because you were sensitive enough to know what they were going through. Inang told me something about you randomly telling her that Tatang really doesn't love his family because he never spent quality time with you. You said as if you could read what's inside Tatang's heart. And when he didn't go home, you would tell Inang and Mama where you think he was and reassure them that everything is okay and just to let him be. I wish you could have said more of what you thought about other people. This actually reminds me of something that my friend has told me- that you could see what's inside other people's heart. I would really love to belive that.

I will speak to you before I go to bed. Writing to you has already made me feel better. Thank you for always being there for me. I miss you so much right now. I love you my little angel confidante.


Mommy Tintin